Hoodrat Heroes

2$moke And His Chocolate Chip Cookie Ho Slampig Were Arrested At The Putnam Walmart And She’s Begun A Fuck The Po-Lease Free Muh Boi Campaign To Get Him Out


Look who’s back in the news…..

Oh $nap, it’s 2$smoke!

The legendary leader of the 860 Money Crew, the most rugged gaggle of gringos northeastern Connecticut has ever seen. Who can forget their smash hits like “Money Callin,”





and “Big Boy Finesse,” featuring backup dancer Joey Vancellette, whose brother accurately predicted that they would be featured on Turtleboy after the siblings and the guy who slung the baby batter that spawned them were arrested for selling crack cocaine, shooting unregistered guns, and fighting the Webster cops.

Last we heard from 2$moke he was getting arrested for trying to fight state troopers who showed up to his ratchet den for a domestic call.

And yes, the Connecticut State Police did refer to him as 2$moke in their arrest report.

It appears as if 2$moke and blubber guppy he’s taking along for the roller coaster he calls life have been hanging out at the Putnam Walmart shaking down bitches for cash and threatening to kill them if they don’t pay up. So obviously it looks like he’s turned his life around.

It’s been almost two years and 2$moke has kept a relatively low profile. Then he started dating this chocolate chip cookie ho.

Out here dressing like a caramel fudge sundae.

The chocolate chip cookie ho of course already has her own vaj goblin, who appears to be 3-4 years old, and she’s 19. Naturally she had to name the kid something that rhymed with “Aidan” and spelt her own unique way, which is the most amount of time and care she’ll ever invest into this human being’s life.

I think it was a given that whoever the lucky guy is that dumped his donkey chowder into her sperm sponge, wasn’t going to stick around to rear the child. Then one day this gorgeous, successful rap superstar showed up looking for love.

What woman would ever be able to resist that?

She really misses her man keeping that fupa warm at night.

So she started a free muh 2$moke campaign.

Don’t worry Daddy, she holding it down for you. Just like she was at this time last year to the last guy who was fucking her.

As she stated, life was going great for 2$moke prior to this unfortunate incident. He got some studio time for his burgeoning solo rap career now that it appears that 860 Money Crew has disbanded due to incarceration and poverty.

She’s joined in on his growing enterprise of selling selling shitty weed to Websterites and flashing her kid’s college savings on social media.

Just kidding. We all know that poor kid ain’t going to college because Momma done spent it all on Henny.

And she covered herself in the what was left over so that 2$smoke would have somewhere to aim and redefine the meaning of “money shot.”


Since bail is only $5,000 our boy 2$moke should be able to cover that. The money be calling him all these years, it’s time he call them back. If he’s not out by then I’m sure Uncle Turtleboy would be honored to have him on the live show to discuss the details of this case and how she plans to free 2$moke.



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51 Comment(s)
  • Mike
    January 4, 2020 at 5:08 pm

    Free 2-Stroke

  • Dr Mengele
    September 18, 2019 at 1:50 pm

    Perhaps some euthanasia could cure what ails these two

  • Tim
    September 18, 2019 at 1:27 pm

    This oxygen thief makes rizzy look talented.

  • Vanilla Heidi Fleiss
    September 18, 2019 at 1:16 pm

    just watched HIS video….
    are you fucking kidding me?
    even by rap standards (bar way low) that is HORRIFIC…
    why would you release that for anyone to see? Ever. Not even mom deserves that kind of punishment.
    Maybe he thinks because someone gave that anorexic looking wannabe jamoke from Afrikka a record deal, that maybe he can score too.
    There are 6 year olds with speech impediments that can rap better than that.
    PSA: White kids…learn an instrument. Take music classes. You cannot rap. Most of you look like dumb twats from the either a trailer or the cut-de-sac. You are not scary or threatening in the least.

  • phlegminem
    September 18, 2019 at 12:17 pm

    watched the video. Scrawny white kids (minus the asian-wtf?) acting tough while waving around money stolen from moms wallet. Maybe they pooled it together from nights manning the frialator? A few trailer park girls in there-do they find this hot?
    I guess if the youth aren’t marching around in ski masks they’re making hideous, “official” rap videos. The end is nigh.
    Don’t know what is more pathetic, a neckbeard waving around a katana acting badass while sporting a crisp new “My Little Pony” tee…or the kids in this video being all “gangsta”…

  • Tupac Shaken-Not-Stirred
    September 18, 2019 at 10:28 am

    I hoped decades ago the whole white trash kids glomming onto rap would just fade away. Wonder why black rappers never scream “cultural appropriation” when they see moron white kids “playing” ghetto. Wait -let me answer this–60% of all rap is bought by eumelanin challenged trailer dwellers. Black artists and labels know this. Out of biz if whitey actually decided to be white. Hence not a peep about “Chucky D” and his ilk being all “gangsta”..
    As far as the broad-at least she has some big hangers. Nothing worse than a chubby or fat chick with no hint of a tit. In my opinion-she is not horrible-hose the fake ghetto off her, some charm school-she might be fine. But who knows…just mulling…

  • hartf811
    September 18, 2019 at 10:05 am

    Fat, stupid people shouldn’t be allowed to breed.

    • Mayor Petty
      September 22, 2019 at 7:02 pm

      You are being unfair by calling them people.

  • Tibetan Yak
    September 18, 2019 at 9:48 am

    I never knew my look was going to catch on….

  • Real_Finn
    September 18, 2019 at 8:35 am

    That last picture (that poor cash) is why I only use plastic now. Imagine the crabs running all over those dollar bills?


  • Cyril Figgus
    September 18, 2019 at 7:48 am

    Jesus H. Christ, look at that collection of fucking inbred troglodytes. Those gene pools are no longer viable; the products are failures.

  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    September 18, 2019 at 7:35 am

    Did you have to post the picture with the cash all over her flabby bits?

    I’ve just been a little bit sick in my mouth.


    • Finn
      September 18, 2019 at 8:34 am


      Looks like you got a tummy boo boo. Drink some tea

      I saved that pic for personal use


      • Real_Finn
        September 18, 2019 at 8:36 am

        Fake Finn,

        Nice try — your “game” (if you want to call it that) is losing steam.

        Get Fucked,

  • Minnesota Money
    September 18, 2019 at 5:50 am

    Dear god please for the love of all things holy, and the money, get this bitch on live!

  • Silencio Dogood
    September 18, 2019 at 2:55 am

    *Spoiler Alert
    It appears that 1¢oke is ready to remake the film “Mask”, without all the makeup required by the original film’s main character, and score its background music with his usual sentimental lyrics.
    Meanwhile, Miss Piggy requested that a large cup of faux melted butter accompany each ticket purchased and seat filled with a fatted calf’s ass.

  • Captain Trips
    Who Would Fuck That?
    September 17, 2019 at 10:17 pm

    I can almost see the future baby daddy of this scab with a vagina waking up after a major bender, looking over at the one night stand fat blob lying next to him in bed, and then the quick fumbling to get dressed, the quick hurried footsteps down the stairs, then out the door, and the tires squealing outside the house as he flees, never to be seen again.

    Dude’s probably scarred for life over it.

  • jack's friend
    September 17, 2019 at 9:30 pm

    fucking faggots

  • SassySwede
    September 17, 2019 at 9:04 pm


    Just because you can squeeeeze your rampant rolls into a piece of fabric, DOES NOT MEAN IT FITS!!!

    Aaand, Thank you turtle riders who shared their very colorful, gag reflex-inducing comments before supper time… uugh, but then again the article itself was filled with eye acid blinding material. Oh well, on another note, UT can now claim “Turtleboy provides life-altering health benefits for followers wanting or needing to lose weight!” lol

  • flameroom
    September 17, 2019 at 8:13 pm

    Calmly these did not check the latest on the fashion trends.

  • Hipsterbeard Beta-Cuckstein
    September 17, 2019 at 8:06 pm

    At first I thought that the neck beard might have started off as a chin strap that sagged after 2$moke put on a bunch of weight but the skinny kid with glasses has one to. I ask myself could this actually be a deliberate choice and if so would it make me look younger? Sure people might assume that work in IT or that I know a lot about video games but that’s not so bad. I’ve got some thinking to do.

  • window willies
    September 17, 2019 at 8:00 pm

    That family doesn’t like cops to much.

  • the Window
    September 17, 2019 at 7:47 pm

    This looks like the Beverly Hillbillys.

  • I Apologize In Advance
    September 17, 2019 at 7:38 pm

    Now y’all know what Josh Abrams would look like naked

  • No ATM til Big Daddy Gets Out
    September 17, 2019 at 7:27 pm

    Shit isnt the same without you big daddy. Until then I will be holding it in and down. No ATM to you get freed or I buy a casket whichever comes first. Fuck da police.

  • Dr. Dre
    September 17, 2019 at 7:23 pm

    2$moke and his crew need to get in touch with me ASAP.

    Eminem ain’t got nuthin’ on you kid.

  • insomnia
    September 17, 2019 at 7:20 pm

    Thank you for ruining my supper.

    September 17, 2019 at 7:17 pm

    P.s. he looks like a wigga o’doyle. Only he’ getting Booty Bullied in jail!
    2 dolla smoke, if you’re paying two dollars for your cannabis, you’re not smoking cannabis. you’re smoking that (excuse me while I do the ratchet retard clap) compressed ~booty~caca~ dirt~ raid~insect~ killer ~weed~ sonnn
    They should call you 2 dolla smoke shit. Or pole, I like pole better! if fits your jaw line!

    Hey cuntahontess, I concer with you. he is definitely a fucking mite! Kid looks like he hasn’t washed the sock goo off his face in a while..

    Peace and I’m out. JJ from aol who’s not really from aol, was here!

  • Window now
    September 17, 2019 at 7:16 pm

    This made me laugh out loud. Common sense is history.

  • ncfoothillbilly
    September 17, 2019 at 7:12 pm

    Hmmm…the last picture…Ive always wondered what the insides of a waterbed look like.

    September 17, 2019 at 6:59 pm

    From the looks of it she has $240.00
    & yes, i was even nice & counted that 20.00 that is a bit tucked in the 5th 20.00 from the bottom.
    What are the odds she will hold him down & come up with the other 4,760?
    Lol just kidding, she probably couldn’t figure out that elementary math if she had scratch paper!

    • Cha-Cha Cha
      September 22, 2019 at 7:07 pm

      The 5K is for bond, the cash amount to the Bondsman is (usually) 10% plus additional admin fees, so just over $500. Can she “hold down” for the difference or will she spend it or will she turn herself out for more $$?

  • whatevuh
    September 17, 2019 at 6:01 pm

    fat, drunk & stupid is no way to go through life son . . . . .
    I’ve been asking for a long time, if you’re a fucking total loser, are you aware of it? Or, do you think you’re fine, and everyone else is fucked up?

    • z
      September 17, 2019 at 7:17 pm

      I was getting a Senator Blutarsky vibe out him.

  • Gingerfruits
    September 17, 2019 at 5:49 pm

    Herpesifagonarific. I just imagine she smells like my old boots after a 15 hour shift. But I wouldn’t call the unslammable a slam pig. Bohemian

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    September 17, 2019 at 5:32 pm

    Mr. 2$moke certainly has some entertaining and colorful lyrics! I really appreciate his uncanny rhyming ability and his foot tapping cadence. I concur with JJ and the rest of the young people and agree, he is Dy-no-mite!

  • foleyworld
    Southie judge
    September 17, 2019 at 5:29 pm

    Wow! Are these monstrosities actually from Massachusetts?!?! They look like Mountain People from the foothills of Kentucky or West Virginia or someplace like that. If they’ve er do a remake of Deliverance they’re be cast as extras in a heartbeat. And the girl…. Oh my lord!!! There’s not enough whiskey or cash in the Commonwealth to make me hit that.

    • Ice ³
      September 18, 2019 at 2:06 pm

      what really sold me is his video for “Minnesota”…
      the lake, trees and forest really emphasize the plight of the urban youth…
      Nothing screams “street cred” more than footage of dudes in the woods hanging out
      getting their fish on…
      I am sure gangsta rappers can relate to poison ivy, ticks, and trout…

  • Sheda Skyankski
    September 17, 2019 at 5:18 pm

    I never knew the Pillsbury dough boy was a Fckn ginger until today. Side note: The Pilsbury dough ho’s pictures is the cure to porn addiction.

  • go juicy jasiel
    September 17, 2019 at 5:17 pm

    how is it possible for two fat people to fuck,what did she use or get knock up a turkey baster?

    • Laws of Physics Defied
      September 17, 2019 at 5:45 pm

      Many years ago friends wondered the same thing about a plus-plus-plus size couple we knew. One exclaimed it was “aerodynamically impossible.”

  • Jeff J
    Thanks for That
    September 17, 2019 at 5:08 pm


  • Al Mumit
    September 17, 2019 at 5:07 pm

    That’s why I don’t like to handle cash. It might have been stuck to a land whale.

  • P Disguisee
    September 17, 2019 at 4:58 pm

    Holy fetal alcohol syndrome and incest…

  • s pete
    September 17, 2019 at 4:58 pm

    lol dude looks like fucking honey boo boo

  • Boaty Macboatface
    September 17, 2019 at 4:55 pm

    I just wonder who they voted for… hahaha, they dont. Doesn’t look like she has custody either. Winners.

  • Rocky Dennis
    September 17, 2019 at 4:48 pm

    Rocky Dennis from mask made a fucking rap video??? Cher, Gar and dozer must be rolling in their graves (is Cher still alive?).

    • Southie Judge
      September 17, 2019 at 6:04 pm

      I think Cher’s still alive. Plastic never dies.

  • Fat Cunt’s callin’
    September 17, 2019 at 4:47 pm

    If you painted her gunt green, it would look like a watermelon with all those stretch marks. Between that and her busted ravioli, it’s enough to give me permanent ED.

  • Daniel Sullivan
    Sprinkle Pig
    September 17, 2019 at 4:37 pm

    Where in the fuck are these people from? They look like what I’d expect to see driving thru the middle of Alabama or Mississippi. Honestly my biggest nightmare would be if I was tied up and made to watch these two used tampons “make love” all slow and tender with sweat dripping from in between their armpits. The hot musky smell of sex, body odor, stale beer and old weed along with failure would be enough for me to want to murder myself. I pray that dcyf shows up and takes that kid from her and gives it a decent chance at life. If not he will most certainly end up turtleboy famous in a decade or so himself.

  • Panda
    September 17, 2019 at 4:21 pm

    That Fupa toad makes my penis soft.

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