All-Star Criminals

A Beverly Love Story: Scary Underwood Smashes Beverly PD Window With Bat Trying To Bust Out Crisco Crevice Boyfriend Who Was Arrested For Beating Her Up Hours Before

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Salem NewsPolice say a Beverly woman, who was the victim in a previous alleged domestic incident, smashed the police station lobby’s front bay windows Sunday with an aluminum bat after demanding the release of her boyfriend. The ordeal came back into the spotlight Wednesday night when Beverly police Chief John LeLacheur commented on the incident on Twitter: “When you come into the station and find out your friend can’t be bailed please don’t take out our windows with a baseball bat and expect not to join him.”

Alicia Morasse, 23, of 327 Rantoul St., Apt. 5, Beverly, was arrested and charged with malicious destruction of property; disorderly conduct; assault by means of a dangerous weapon; intimidating a witness; and property damage to intimidate.The chain of events started just before 2 p.m. Dec. 30, when, according to court documents, Kenel R. Cadet, 22, of 116 Western Ave., Apt. 3, Lynn, was arrested in Beverly and charged with domestic assault and battery. Officer Michael Boccuzzi, the department’s spokesman, said he was being held on a high bail due to an unrelated incident.

Then, at about 5:15 p.m., police say Morasse came to the station and demanded to see her boyfriend. According to the police report, she was dressed in black leather with a black hood over her head and was wearing black fingerless gloves. She approached the protective glass in the station lobby “and demanded her boyfriend be released from custody in a loud, aggressive voice.” She kept her hands low, hidden below the counter. In his report, Officer Joshua Spitaleri said he told Morasse her boyfriend could not be released unless he posted $25,000 bail, and that he could not be released to her custody. The woman continued to yell and demand his release. Spitaleri asked her to leave, and the woman said: “You are going to have to (expletive) make me.”

When the officer told her if she did not leave she would be arrested on a charge of disorderly conduct, the woman used an expletive to dare police.

“As I was turning around to consult the officer in charge … the defendant produced an aluminum red baseball bat and began to smash the front bay windows of the police station, striking them numerous times with the bat,” Spitaleri’s report states.

As the attack unfolded, Officers Michael Broderick, Joseph Santamaria, Ryan Hegarty and Spitaleri approached the lobby. With their stun guns drawn, Broderick and Santamaria ordered Morasse to drop the bat.While being taken to the back of the station, Morasse told the officers they “hate black people and that’s why you arrested my boyfriend,” and continued to make expletive-laden threats, the report states.

During the domestic incident earlier Sunday afternoon, Cadet was arrested after a report of loud yelling coming from Morasse’s apartment at 1:51 p.m. Cadet told officers he and the victim had gotten into an argument when he could not find his phone, according to the police report. Police found the apartment turned upside down with items thrown everywhere. The victim reportedly told police Cadet “violently pulled her hair and pushed her out of the way while searching the apartment.”

It’s a Beverly love story. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl move in together. Boy can’t find cell phone. Scizo girl looks at him the wrong way. Boy beats the shit out of her. Girl goes to hospital. Girl gets out of hospital. Girl tries bailing boy out. Girl can’t afford $25K bail. Girl destroys window with baseball bat. Girl also stuck in jail.

This was Alicia Morasse in October

She went from the lady’s pond to the dick lagoon in record time.

Then again, who can resist the urge of this juicy tub of country crock?

Those shorts.

They’re fupacalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Take a number ladies, that ride has a longer line than 99% of Disney World. Incidentally his BMI is the same as the vast majority of people who go to Disney World.

According to her Facebook resume Scary Underwood used to walk dogs and work at the library.

Shocking that line of work didn’t pan out.

Naturally she saw this picture on Facebook:

And when you combine that with this sex appeal….

You drop everything you’re doing to get a piece of that sweet potato pie.

But Scary Underwood has been complaining a lot about the way her prized crisco crevice has been treating her.

Just by reading their posts it’s a window into possibly one of the most unhealthiest relationships ever, and one that was guaranteed to eventually make it onto Turtleboy.

Ya yo, when he be getting mad at you cuz you ain’t be spending enuff time wit him, and he be raisin his voice n smack you, thats just becuz he be luvin you n shit.

A couple weeks ago he tagged her in a post, letting her know that she was selfish, most likely because she took a shit without asking his permission first.

As you can see some of his friends advised him to keep this sort of Jerry Springer garbage off of social media. Good advice right? Well the Crisco Crevice decided that since his female friend didn’t currently have his tuna torpedo in her mouth, he was not interested in what she had to say.

Evidently he’s also spent some time in the loony bin.

And then right on cue Scary Underwood showed up to let this woman (who was trying to defend her) know that she wasn’t gonna allow her to disrespect the Crisco Crevice.

I for one am SHOCKED that this ended up with him beating the shit out of her, and her going full Negan trying to bust him out of jail.

But it’s cool though, because the Crisco Crevice would “not put my hands on my girl.”

Unless of course he couldn’t find his cell phone because it’s lodged in between layers of cellulite that have prevented him from making visual contact with his cervix scraper since he was a child.

This was the best.

Oh snap, she bout to bring that A1 sauce!

Which I’m sure she’s used for foreplay with the Crisco Crevice more times than she can count.

24 Comment(s)
  • Victoria Rouleau
    January 17, 2019 at 5:22 am

    I have been featured and put in this article without my knowledge or permission. I have been in contact with a lawyer and it’s illegal. Please remove this article with my name and Facebook profile picture or I will result in filing a lawsuit against you and sue. Thank you.

  • Let me up, I've had enough
    January 7, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    “I can hear the fat kid running. I bet it’s hilarious”
    – Ted

  • The angry taint
    The angry taint
    January 6, 2019 at 7:01 pm

    how the fuck did he catch her? all she had to do was slowly walk away from the tub o shit and he would have been so winded trying to catch her that he would of dropped dead. this diabetic load should be saving that cash to host a going away party for his left foot.

  • Judge dread
    January 5, 2019 at 1:40 pm

    I went to the grocery store and broke a hundred dollar bill and I throw the change down on my kmart brand mattress covered only by a duvet purchased in a $5 “i’m moving buy my shit” craigslist sale.

    Yah buddy real baller there. How about you put that hundie change in your piggy bank, wait a year, and blow it on one slot machine at the new Encore you piece of slime.

    I hope the rest of your life sucks. BTW dump your gf, and get one that can make your crib not look like a trap house. you fucking faggot.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    January 5, 2019 at 12:12 pm

    Turtleboy, you need to do a FOIA request on that police station lobby cam. It would make a great follow up blog.

  • Pee wee s playhouse
    January 5, 2019 at 7:54 am

    Anyone wanna wager on whether they are in section 8 housing?? When pee wee was governor and his butt buddy Barack needed to get rid of a few planes full of Central American dreamers this is where they went. Would love a case by case analysis of those planes full of illegals. I want to know the following…..
    Where are they all located now, a town by town breakdown?
    How many of them have criminal records and what were they charged with?
    The total bill for all their expenses including section 8, medical, e b t, wic and any other govt subsidy they received.

    Send the bill to pee wee, he can empty his useless campaign fund account and pay back the state for this ridiculous misuse of taxpayer funds. It’s nice that he spread them all over the state so everyone can share the diversity these dreamers bring, and the fuckin crime wave that inevitably follows them.
    What a joke those 8 years were, now we will get the bill forever.

    Thanks pee wee, you were the worst.

    January 5, 2019 at 5:32 am

    What in the fat fucking mongoloid is this? Dude looks like he dried his pants on high permanent press way too many time’s

    where have you people been?
    Beverly has always been shit and will always be shit. The north shore is full of shit now. Lmao fucking fat ass thinks hes a gangsta crip throwing up the c’ I’m laughing out loud at this and it’s only 5 a.m. it must be the shit stench from lynn beach that does it to these people.

    Lynn, Beverly, Peabody, danvers and the whole north shore used to be a beautiful place. Not any more. Not for a long time! Even lynnfield is shit now. I’m glad I moved to a small town in the woods where my neighbor is almost a mile away.

    What a bunch of ghetto retards I’m glad I do not live any where near!

  • Fupa Love
    January 5, 2019 at 12:22 am

    What a cute couple. I’m glad these two lesbians have found each other and celebrate life together. The news report says she was wearing a leather outfit. I wonder how many poor cows were sacrificed to cover the queen cow Is Beverly a ratchet place now too?

  • Maurizio Patch
    January 4, 2019 at 9:34 pm

    Observations of Kenel aka “Dog Shelter”
    -He’s flashing only $120 in sad, grease stained cash that he’ll spend on lunch at Charlie’s Seafood.
    -That poor milk fucking disintegrated from the weight of his ass seconds after the picture was taken.
    -His extra wide “pants” are most definitely just some taller fatfuck’s “shorts”.
    -He’s a dead ringer for my daughter’s Cabbage  Patch Kid named Maurizio.

  • Mom's Basement
    January 4, 2019 at 8:57 pm

    Dude’s got game and there’s no denying it.Think for a second about what he’s working with and what he managed to pull off. I’m not saying he turned a goldstar straight but he did at the very least turn a soft butch lipstick. 

  • Clitty Litter
    January 4, 2019 at 8:26 pm

    Is that a prop bicycle like on Seinfeld?

  • Ungawah
    January 4, 2019 at 8:24 pm

    One step above Neanderthals. Literal savages. She has no clue what side of the street tovealj on, so she hooks up with a slug who obviously is only feeding her drugs. He can’t possibly be banging her. Just two of the many Neanderthals roaming the planet being supported by the hard working taxpayers. We work so they can frolic and never go without. I phones… Apartments… Health care…all they need to do is act like low class savages…

  • Anthony Grossi
    January 4, 2019 at 8:12 pm

    I guess I should be impressed that Victoria spelled the word “psychiatric” correctly.

  • Captain Trips
    John the Baptist
    January 4, 2019 at 7:37 pm

    You may hammer me for this, but these wayward children of God need guidance. Perhaps shame is a way. They are, nevertheless, children of God. Have sympathy on their lost path. This lost path will only cause them pain in the end.

    Turn away from these lost children if you cannot help them. They either find the way or they do not.

    This is my last post on this site. Save yourselves, and try to save the lost children.

    If you do, a gift awaits you in Heaven greater than anything you can imagine.

    I cannot shame the wrongs of others any longer. They will be judged but not by you or I.

    Let it all go. You’ll be happier. God Bless.

    • Jacques Az
      January 5, 2019 at 1:45 pm

      Go RAPE a gay whale!!

  • DQ
    January 4, 2019 at 7:36 pm

    Hopefully the video of her going crazy at the police station comes out, so we can all have a good laugh. I’m surprised I haven’t seen it yet to be perfectly honest. Has to be funny as hell, too.

  • Dr. T. Boyd
    January 4, 2019 at 6:42 pm

    I know this isn’t the biggest story, but chronologically, it’s fucking hilariously done by North Shore Turtlebabe. I have to say.
    $25,000 bail must mean he “had to have had an’ gone and done sumthin'” ‘Doyle Hargraves’-Dwight Yokam.

  • Sick of these Ratchet Fucks
    January 4, 2019 at 6:11 pm

    Two fucking brain donors. Release them into the wild and let them kill each other. Otherwise they continue to drain resources…..

  • WeAreFukd
    January 4, 2019 at 5:40 pm

    Please continue fat-shaming.

  • The Vorlon
    Kosh Naranek
    January 4, 2019 at 5:33 pm

    Just what is contaminating the water supply in Beverly?

    • A lobster
      January 5, 2019 at 1:16 am

      The big gay. I would know. 

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    January 4, 2019 at 5:21 pm

    This fat-shaming needs to end!

    • alexandria ocasio-kotex
      January 4, 2019 at 7:28 pm

      fuck off asshole

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