All-Star Criminals

All The Dumbest Criminals Live In Florida: Fallopian Funnel And Meth-a-riffic Mastodon Get Arrested On DUI, Wisely Decide To Engage In Some Gland-To-Gland Combat In Back Of Police Cruiser

What the fuck are they pumping into the water supply down in Florida?

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First Coast News: 

“A man and woman from Fernandina Beach are facing multiple charges, including DUI, after they reportedly had sex in the back of a Nassau County deputy’s vehicle following their arrests last Friday.

Around 11:38 p.m., Megan Lynn Mondanaro, 35, and Seth Aaron Thomas, 31, were seen riding their bikes south on South Fletcher Avenue near Sadler Road. Both of them didn’t have any of their lights on and were almost hit by a vehicle traveling southbound, the police report states.

The deputy pulled them over on Sadler Road and approached them. The deputy reported he could smell alcohol on both of them. Both Mondarano and Thomas reportedly had bloodshot, watery eyes and slurred speech. Thomas told the deputy they came from Hammerhead Beach Bar at 2045 South Fletcher Ave.

The deputy began conducting a DUI investigation. He asked both to perform sobriety tests to which “[Thomas] performed some of the exercises … The exercises he did conduct, he did poorly on, showing signs of impairment,” the police report states. 

Both Mondanaro and Thomas were placed under arrest and put in the backseat of the deputy’s patrol vehicle. While the deputy was outside of his vehicle, Mondanaro and Thomas reportedly took their clothes off and started having sex. 

When the deputy opened the door to stop them, Thomas was naked and Mondanaro had her pants down and her breasts were exposed, the police report states. Once Thomas was removed from the vehicle, he allegedly pushed down another deputy and took off running. Deputies later caught him behind a Cold Stone, according to the police report.

Both Mondanaro and Thomas took a breathalyzer test more than three hours after the traffic stop. Mondanaro had a blood alcohol level of .062 and .066 while Thomas had a .145 and .145, the police report states. The legal limit is .08.

Mondanaro was charged with DUI, exposing sex organs, unnatural and lascivious act and resisting without violence. Thomas was charged with threat against a public official, unnatural and lascivious act, exposing sex organs and DUI.”

 

Welp. That’s one way to handle a DUI arrest.  Only in Florida. It’s like they took the worst parts of Springfield, Ware, Colrain, New Bedford AND Fall River, and decided to model 3/4 of an entire state after them. Then decided to throw in some resorts and children’s attractions to make things even more bizarre. Holy shit. In the same state, you can take your kids to meet Mickey Mouse, or you can possibly meet this:

 

Careening towards you with no headlights as your life flashes before your eyes. Fan-fucking-tastic. They seem like a boatload of fun and venereal diseases, really.

If she won’t strip down to at least half naked in the back of a cruiser to go to pound town and then physically assault the officer who dares try to break it up while you make your getaway, is it even love, bruh?

I just want to know what kind of guy sees this steaming pile of hot trailer trash and meth addiction:

 

And decides that he NEEDS to get all up inside her guts, felony charges and public decency be damned? Not to mention her sparkling personality, super successful adult life and willingness to be party to vehicular manslaughter.

 

 

 

I’ll tell you what kind of guy – THIS kind of guy.

 

 

What’s the over/under that if they went raw dog in that cruiser, the kid comes out with a third eye and three fingers on each hand?

Stay classy, Florida!

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19 Comment(s)
  • TheCureForHope
    September 22, 2019 at 6:47 pm

    Wait, wait…..are you telling me the meth queen in the top picture is the same woman as the trailer trash on the bottom???

    WTF?

    My, how mighty have fallen.

  • True justice
    September 20, 2019 at 4:19 am

    Come on, they were set up. Left alone in the backseat of a luxurious vehicle with strobe lights and handcuffs and they were suppose to just sit there?

  • Silencio Dogood
    September 20, 2019 at 3:15 am

    It’s an old story, her scabby breasts exposed, Thomas had no choice but to get unnaturally au naturel, so that Spots might play his sex organ, before he scarpered into the Floridian nightmare.

  • Captain Trips
    September 19, 2019 at 9:18 pm

    You think this area is bad? I know that most of the useless pieces of shit in my high school class ended up moving to Florida

    That state’s gotta be full

  • Old Tom Morris
    September 18, 2019 at 8:23 pm

    Would.

  • Your local hairdresser
    September 18, 2019 at 5:50 pm

    Her hair is a crime scene. So dry and brillo pad like. It’s worse than the meth scabs that could heal but that bad hair grows bad. No saving it. Shave it off and get a wig at that point.

  • Seth Aaron Thomas
    September 18, 2019 at 3:06 pm

    Illegal cop cock block, is what it was. Get a message to Josh.

  • bigdaddy
    September 18, 2019 at 2:24 pm

    The faces of meth . 35 in meth years is like 75 in non meth years

  • FL resident, former Worcester long time resident
    September 18, 2019 at 2:17 pm

    Is it better that the’re stupid and get caught more easily?

  • Father Inn
    September 18, 2019 at 1:54 pm

    Nice cans on that trash bag

    • Not so Fast
      September 18, 2019 at 5:16 pm

      To all you peeps commenting, “she’s hot”, “nice cans” etc. I advise you to go back and look at the description on one of the reports. 5′ 1″ —-170. And that’s pounds…….170 of em. HOLY SHIT!!

      • ncfoothillbilly
        September 18, 2019 at 8:26 pm

        The 170#s was before meth, apparently. In some of her pics shes relatively slim but in her latest mugshot/photo her face is as round as a basketball. Im guessing those other photos are a bit aged.

  • Sheda Skyankski
    September 18, 2019 at 1:46 pm

    #RelationshipGoals

    • Kevin Lynch
      September 18, 2019 at 5:18 pm

      Who voted down n this one?

  • IT'S MA'AM
    September 18, 2019 at 1:11 pm

    That chick is hot. The meth face makes her hotter tbh. Love the broken ones.

  • exp.date
    September 18, 2019 at 12:59 pm

    She is 35. After 28, the slide begins. They can deny it with makeup and some flattering clothes but it is scientific fact. That’s why women are so bitchy, because their looks are declining and hiding it is work and depressing. For men the age is 31; his age. But 99% of men don’t give a shit.

  • Heywood Jablome
    September 18, 2019 at 12:56 pm

    DUI on bicycles? Damn officer, that’s cold.

    • Betty Ford
      September 18, 2019 at 1:26 pm

      …or the two of them were that kind of special.

    • TheCureForHope
      September 22, 2019 at 6:54 pm

      Are you kidding me? Not cold at all

      They could’ve smashed into a car, almost did, and the innocent driver would have to live with himself for the rest of his life knowing he killed someone.

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