Basic White Chick H Dealer From Athol Says She’s Not A Dealer, Was Planning On Using All 210 Bags Of Heroin She Was Busted With In Pelham
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Here’s the first blog we’ve ever written about from the Pelham MA Police Department:
Didn’t even know Pelham had cops until this blog. If you’re from Athol and you got pulled over on the Daniel Shays Highway in Pelham with a whole bunch of drugs it can only mean one thing – you’re on your way to Amherst. Unfortunately for her it looks like some of the regulars are gonna have to sniff some bleach to get high this weekend because the connect is dry.
Anyway, Kelsey Mae Hurlburt doesn’t exactly look your run of the mill drug kingpin. She looks more like the lush sorostitute who has Marilyn Monroe quotes on her dorm room wall.
You’d think that Kelsey Mae would keep low for a while since her face is splattered over the Internet as a poison dealer during an opiate epidemic that kills people on a daily basis. I mean, you gotta be a pretty big asshole to sell something to people knowing that it will slowly kill them and drain them of what little money they have. But Kelsey thought it would be wise to instead jump on the Facebook machine while she was in court and announce to the world that she’s not a dealer. She was actually planning on taking all 210 bags of heroin in the next two days:
Yea, when I see this picture:
The first thing I think is “that isn’t even a lot of heroin.”
And when people brought up the fact that people she was selling to were addicts, she boom-roasted them:
She also posts incessantly on her page about how addiction is a disease:
Newsflash hun – people wouldn’t be addicted to heroin if it wasn’t available for purchase. Just sayin.
She doesn’t have time to deal with people who think it’s an addiction either:
Also, drug addiction is a disease because lots of diseases start with a choice:
Just ask the kids at Boston Children’s Hospital who chose to fight cancer.
She’s got life all figured out too. Literally the smartest person on the Internet:
So where do you get your real news from Kelsey Mae?
Ahhh yes. The “true internet facts” app. I’ll have to download that.
Luckily she doesn’t smoke weed:
Thank God. Marijuana is dangerous!!
She doesn’t like people in Turners Falls who have a problem with the PC police forcing them to change their mascot from the Indians to the Snowflakes:
She also hates the idea of a border wall and thinks that money could be better invested elsewhere:
Getting lectured about healthcare from a chick who sells heroin to addicts. This is the most amazing thing I’ve read on the Internet today.
Luckily she hasn’t reproduced yet because her Mom started throwing rubbers at her when she was 15:
Seriously though, I can understand people coming to the defense of addicts. But I can’t see how anyone could ever support a heroin dealer. Aren’t they the lowest of the low? They profit off of death. If no one sold heroin then there would be no heroin epidemic. Nevertheless the free my boi patrol was out in full force:
“Addicts are naturally one of the types of people that make an easy target.”– Chick whose entire business model targets addicts.
Jeff Harnois made some strong points:
Wait……what? Some guy gave him his address so he had to show up at his house and stab him in the face several times? I hate when that happens. One time someone ordered a Turtleboy t-shirt and didn’t tell us what size he wanted. Naturally since he gave us his address I showed up to stab him in the face a few times. Think he’ll ever make that mistake again? Doubtful.
Anyway, this drug dealer is actually a sweet wholesome girl:
She’s a really good person, so maybe we should all spread love and not hate:
Other more enlightened folk don’t think drug dealers like this belong behind bars:
Yup, when we put people in prison for selling drugs it’s society that has ruined their life. Not the individual who made a choice to engage in a highly illegal activity that often ends in jail time or death.
This was my favorite enabler:
“As if people want to be dealers.”
Oh for fuck’s sake. Not only is being addicted to drugs no longer a choice, but apparently selling drugs isn’t a personal choice now either. This is the level of fuckery we have reached. Nothing is ever anyone’s fault anymore. Ever.
Oh, and this brilliant individual is in charge of children at Athol Elementary School:
I want this chick for a teacher. You can pretty much do whatever you want in her class and not get in trouble. Because nothing is ever your fault. The only people who are bad guys are law abiding people who cast judgement on those who choose to violate our laws.
The bottom line is this chick is a dealer. Not just a regular dealer either. She named her heroin Iron Man 2. Ya know who names their heroin? Frank Lucas and Avon Barksdale. Normal heroin dealers just sell it. Kingpins name it. This chick should be behind bars because she obviously sees nothing wrong with what she did.
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