All-Star Criminals

Brittany Bulge Attempts Unconventional Job Application For Springfield Strip Club After Working The Pole Downtown Last Week

 

Loading...

Meanwhile in Springfield……

A naked man who climbed to the top of a sign for the 5th Alarm strip club on Worthington Street taunted police for several moments Tuesday afternoon. When he finally climbed down, police tackled him and took him into custody. Police spokesman Ryan Walsh said the man was not arrested, but was taken to the hospital for a psychological examination. His name was not released to the public. Video of at least portions of the incident were recorded and posted on Facebook.

Well, that’s one way to put in a job application I suppose. Not gonna lie, the dismount was better than Gabby Douglas, and I’m willing to bet his moves are just as good as any one of Holyoke’s finest working the day shift inside.

But me thinks the ol’ custard hose probably wouldn’t go over well with the regular customers. Either way, he’s now been arrested which is a pre-requisite to working at any Springfield strip club in the first place.

It’s also not his first time auditioning either. Here he is last week working the pole over on Hillman Street.

I mean, you gotta give it to him – homeboy got rhythm.

But again, the rumpleforeskin is gonna be a problem for him in this line of work.

 

I’m told his name is Jose, although that’s probably a hate crime for misgendering him, but it’s clearly a dude so get fucked if you don’t like it. He’s obviously got some mental issues, but by all means, let’s let him in our locker room. What could possibly go wrong?

 

 

Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:




Follow us on Youtube, SoundCloud, Twitter, and Facebook.

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 

 

Loading...
24 Comment(s)
  • CeCe Telfer
    August 19, 2019 at 8:24 am

    That’s my sister and she is going to break all the dancing records

  • Sick of these Ratchet Fucks
    August 19, 2019 at 4:31 am

    Obviously a Bernie Supporter who got over excited at Bern moving up a 1/2 percent in the over 85 years old poll

  • Tim F
    August 18, 2019 at 4:47 pm

    14,000 pit bulls in town, and not one around when you need one.

  • Fifth Alarm HR Department
    August 18, 2019 at 11:15 am

    Congrats Jose! You got the job! YOU GOT THE JOB!

  • toby
    August 18, 2019 at 9:38 am

    The Springfield police will ship him up to Boston where he can ride the MBTA where pole dancing is an art not a crime according to Rachael Rollins.

  • Private Dancer
    August 17, 2019 at 10:58 pm

    I’m beginning to re-think my belief that police are overpaid.

  • Turdchomper
    August 17, 2019 at 9:31 pm

    He has talent

  • Judge dread
    August 17, 2019 at 8:40 pm

    Mandatory sterilization and a 6 month sentence to work in the spice mines of Kessel. No return ticket.

  • Liawatha
    August 17, 2019 at 6:52 pm

    Another candidate for Drag Queen Story Hour! Ze is drop dead gorgeous! I could not imagine a more beautiful and qualified Trans to read to school children.

  • That Girl Was Me
    August 17, 2019 at 6:00 pm

    get him on meds. man i’d love to hate but gotta call a spade a spade he could be a good gymnast.

    i’d pay to see him crush that child abusing sex pervert from lawrence in a leg lock.

  • whatevuh
    August 17, 2019 at 5:29 pm

    yep, the MGM casino sure solved a lot of the problems out there in Sprogfield, you wouldn’t get me near that city on a bet!

  • Jack B Pierce
    August 17, 2019 at 4:55 pm

    Open season on freakshows. Bring you own AR-15. Hit the dick-win a prize!

  • TheCureForHope
    August 17, 2019 at 4:34 pm

    Dude Looks Like A Lady….

  • What Now
    August 17, 2019 at 3:52 pm

    And we’re supposed to let this man in the ladies room now. Fucking great.

  • Kneeling Dawg Is Unemployable
    August 17, 2019 at 3:22 pm

    Even Jay Z wont sign Kapernick. Dat be racism right dawg.

  • John Galt
    August 17, 2019 at 3:08 pm

    Probably could’ve had the coveted Friday night shift at the old Tom Caruso’s Celebrity Lounge in Everett.

    • Tom C
      August 18, 2019 at 1:09 am

      That was in Chelsea John
      A quality establishment like no other

  • Elwoy
    August 17, 2019 at 3:03 pm

    He probably lost a bet.

    • John Galt
      August 19, 2019 at 8:08 am

      Chelsea ! yes.

      I liked the place, even if the talent was a real mixed bag. There was one dancer, tough looking but not too bad, she used to throw her legs behind her head, light a match and put it out by queefing.

  • Dick Scratcher
    August 17, 2019 at 2:58 pm

    Limerick of the day……

    This lunatic tranny, José
    Is clearly incredibly gay
    He whips out his meat
    And performs on the street
    Now they’re locking the fucker away!

    Dick Scratcher, aged in oak barrels.

  • Ratchesourous Rex
    August 17, 2019 at 2:57 pm

    Jose seems to have had some major wardrobe malfunctions And I thought the boogie down Brock was wild!

  • John Galt
    August 17, 2019 at 2:40 pm

    “She’s” got kind of a Phil Lynott thing going on….the boys are indeed back downtown.

  • Captain Trips
    August 17, 2019 at 2:37 pm

    So glad they closed the mental hospitals so they could all roam free

  • AOC Yeah You Know Me
    August 17, 2019 at 2:25 pm

    This is what we want all og America to look like and sound like. Notice the pernicious use of the so called hateful N word in the video by one N to another N.

Comment on this Post

*

RELATED POSTS
White Trash Hero Wears T-Shirt With His Mugshot On It From Last Time He Was Arrested At Latest Mugshot Photoshoot
Tsarnaev Sister Threatened Boyfriend’s Ex With A Bomb Because She’s A Muslim Terrorist And A Tsarnaev And This Is What They Do Best
Ladies Night At TBSports: Will Women Read Our Official Rankings Of NFL Teams Blog?