All-Star Criminals

Connecticut Cockmeister “Misfires” Gun In Sterling Duplex That Nearly Kills Neighbor’s Kids On Easter, Claims He’s Got More Guns, Threatens Neighbors, Calls Cops “Retards”

Follow @TurtleboyNews on Twitter by clicking here

Follow Turtleboy on Instagram by clicking here

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Forever, the newest Turtleboy Sports page and Clarence Woods Emerson to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:







Turtleboy Sports supports the Second Amendment. In particular, law abiding, responsible citizens should be able to purchase guns for self defense, hunting, or sport. But clearly not everyone should own a gun. Like this mushfuck out of Sterling, CT:

Jesus fuck. He looks like every school shooter ever.

He also looks exactly like 98.4% of all male residents of any town in Connecticut that touches I-395. We haven’t written about Sterling, CT since last year when the evil ginger Kevin Weismore murdered his pot dealer TJ Allen. Clearly they went to the same barber:


Owning a gun is a right, but it’s also a responsibility. You’re possessing an instrument that can take human life in the blink of an eye. If you ever fire it in your house by accident, you’re clearly not responsible enough to handle a gun. And I know that every law abiding Second Amendment supporter I know would agree with that. People like this are like a walking commercial gun control. It’s liberal red meat. He’s basically the same age as Adam Lanza. He lives in the same state as Adam Lanza. He has the same haircut as Adam Lanza. He might as well be in Chris Murphy or Dan Malloy’s next campaign video.

Then there’s this:

That’s his profile picture on Facebook. What a bad ass!! Here’s some other fun stuff he’s posted:

Dude, you can’t figure out how to keep your gun from being shot inside the house. The fact that you seem to want to possess an AR-15 is like a David Hogg infomercial.

He also open carries:

Oh good, so the next time you’re out getting ice cream and you see this chudbanger in line behind you:

Run. Because this mother fucker can’t seem to figure out how to keep a handgun from going off.

He shared this after the Parkland shooting:

Hey numbnuts – Ben Shapiro is ashamed of you. Ben Shapiro is brilliant and the most articulate defender of the Second Amendment today. He doesn’t want people like you sharing his shit. You’re the exact opposite kind of gun owner he goes to bat for on his podcasts.

He thinks business owners who choose not to allow guns in their privately run businesses should be held responsible if someone is hurt by a violent criminal inside their business:

Yea, because we need more good guys with guns like Trigger Tranny over here to protect us from violent criminals.

Oh, and he thinks cops are all “retards” with badges:

Translation – I had a crush on a girl once in high school, and now she’s banging a cop as I cry myself to sleep every night.

And he’s not even the least bit remorseful. As a matter of fact he wisely made the decision to show up on WINY Radio’s Facebook page to defend his honor:

Dude, stop using gun lingo like you know what you’re talking about. You’re incompetent. You can’t figure out how to keep a gun from discharging inside your own house. I have no idea what any of that means (which is likely your intent) but I do know that responsible gun owners don’t have this happen to them. Ever. This happened to you because you’re a fucking idiot who shouldn’t be allowed to own a gun.

But please, tell me more about how your “2a lawyer” will have the case tossed and your pistol back on your hip very soon. Because you seems like a “2a lawyer’s” worst nightmare. I’m sure this high priced lawyer, which you can clearly afford considering you live in the crochstain of the universe, will appreciate you posting this:

Oh good, he’s got more guns and you can find him at the shooting range. The world is a safer place now that this clearly responsible gun owner is strapped to the teeth.

Ma Dukes was there to support him on WINY Radio too:

No. Just no. Guns don’t just “jam” and misfire. A round doesn’t fire unless the firing pin hits the primer. That doesn’t happen because of a “jam.” Your idiot son was just fucking around with the gun because he thinks he’s GI fucking Joe and he shared a few memes on Facebook.

But yea, coming on Facebook to defend the honor of your 22 year old son who still lives at home after he embarrassed your family and endangered both you and the neighbors seems like a bold move on your part.

Then the story changed – turns out he was just cleaning the gun:

Cleaning the gun with a live round in the chamber. Yup, that’s way better. At least Tim Thompton has your back though with his well thought out critique of “liberal retards.” Seems like the kind of well adjusted lad you want going to bat for you:

These people are to conservatives what Didi Delgado is to liberals – an embarrassment that makes them all look bad.

When confronted with the fact that cleaning a loaded weapon is not a responsible thing to do, Ma Dukes changed her story up:

Oh yea, just keep talking on Facebook. This should definitely help you in the long run. Tons of lawyer would recommend this strategy.

We saw that his neighbor, with whom he and his mother share the duplex, offered some insight:

He lives within feet of small children. Goody. But, fuck them right? Because….muh rights!! According to her this is not the first time he’s been negligent with a handgun either, and he’s even been threatening her family for months:

So we reached out to her to find out what’s been going on….

This all started over a parking spot last summer. Our family’s were actually very good friends till my Bf and him had words over a parking spot. He deliberately parked on our side of the parking lot now that he owned a gun. Saying “come say something now.”We live in the same duplex. His threats are more like holding up his shirt to make the gun visible in a threatening manner. I don’t know on intent, but when the shot was made I was having a heated text convo with his sister. Aside from his accidental shooting yesterday, he also dropped his loaded hand gun in front of a 4 & 7 year old. He’s careless. He posted on the WINY post that he has more weapons and ammo and will be doing “target practice” I called the police they said they can’t take his guns just because I don’t like him. 

I certainly hope that last part isn’t true. I would certainly hope that the Connecticut State Police have the authority to take away his guns, since he’s violated several gun laws in the last 24 hours. He’s also openly bragging about all the guns he owns, and clearly has learned nothing from this. The woman also claims that he’s been reckless with his gun around her small children, and has clearly been open carrying for the purposes of threatening and intimidating her. What more do you need to take someone’s guns in Connecticut?

The bottom line is that the Second Amendment gives us the right to bear arms, but it comes with responsibilities. And if you think shitcocks like this should have the right to own multiple firearms while living around children, you clearly don’t understand why the founders drafted the Second Amendment in the first place. I don’t want to give the government too much power to deny law abiding people the right to purchase firearms legally. But it should be pretty simple in this case – if you “misfire” a gun that nearly goes into your neighbor’s living room, you lie about how it “misfired,” you use your gun to intimidate your neighbors, you clean your gun with a round in the chamber, and you drop a loaded gun in front of a 4 and 7 year old, then you’ve relinquished your Second Amendment rights.

26 Comment(s)
  • Da Fuq
    April 3, 2018 at 9:51 am

    If the round was chambered properly (since he was just cleaning it right), he would have dropped the magazine and ejected the chambered round. Stripped it and cleaned it. No way that was what happened. Most likely the gun was dirty as fuck, jambed when he chambered the round and he panicked because he’s a fucken idiot who doesnt know his weapon. He shoud probably look into something with a mag safety as well just saying.

    • Da Fuq
      April 3, 2018 at 9:55 am

      Another thing…using quality ammunition would be smart as well. Especially for your carry weapon. Maybe the world will get lucky, he’ll pull on someone all tough, they’ll pull back and drop him when his shit reload is a dud and jams.

  • Conspiracy Guy
    April 3, 2018 at 9:05 am

    Didn’t y’all see the Illuminati tattoos? That’s to let the world know that he’s part of a powerful secret society. It’s like Bilderburg only more secretive. Any case that gets brought against him will just get thrown out by the powers that be. Don’t tell anyone though because you’re not supposed to know who is part of the Illuminati.

  • 1 Eyed Jack
    April 3, 2018 at 8:35 am

    How many sticky cum socks does Dee have to launder for baby boy?

  • 1 Eyed Jack
    April 3, 2018 at 8:19 am

    Looks like peach fuzz has a lot of muzzle discipline issues. The last laugh will be when he unloads a round in his pants and they have to sew the orgy of 1 back on paid for by Obamacare.

  • panzer9811
    April 3, 2018 at 7:48 am

    Is Tim Thompton H.A.? (the support 81 on his photo)
    81- the 8th and 1st letters in the alphabet-H-A.
    Hell’s Angels

    • ya fahkin posah
      April 4, 2018 at 1:32 am

      Yep, he sure looks like a 1%er.
      I’m sure he’s not a “known associate”, aka dumb fuck that spent his money on an overpriced red & white sweatshirt that he thinks will make him look all cool and badass and stuff but will only result in him getting his ass kicked when he goes into the wrong area sporting that foolish bullshit.
      Yeah, he’s probably the real deal.

  • John Wypyszinski
    Herr Doktor
    April 3, 2018 at 7:33 am

    This kid is an F-ing IDIOT. Can’t keep his lies straight, has no clue how to safely handle a firearm; he was the kid who got beat up and stuffed in his locker every day in school that decided to get guns to prove he was a “man”. He learned the big words about guns, too bad he didn’t pay more attention to the safety portion of the classes. Here’s two freebies, you stupid pile of monkeyguts 1. Buy an F-ing holster less gangsta, but also keeps you from blowing off your needle dick (on second though forget the holster, we don’t need you to reproduce, gangsta on); 2. If you have a round jammed in the chamber, disassemble the weapon and remove it with a cleaning rod, dumbshit. Thanks for giving giving David Hoggsucker and those like him more reasons to whine there micropeen.

  • z
    April 3, 2018 at 7:12 am

    I guess TB is anti-hunting. How does a photo of a shot deer have any context with shooting a hole through a wall?

    I don’t want to own a gun. But, if hunting is legal, you take the deer in a legal manner, what’s the problem? If the deer was jacked out of season or taken without a license (if that was the point you were trying to make) you sure did a shit job making that point. You got proof? Then show it. Didn’t think so.

    You going by the fact there is no hunter orange? The photo could have been taken miles and hours after the kill. I guess this is the vegan turtle boy web site. At least a hunter knows exactly how Bambi got turned into a venison burger. Ask TB where steak comes from and TB says “Why the meat aisle at the grocery store you dumb fuck”.

    Who says he wants an AR-15? BTW, he is correct. Both are capable of the exact same thing.

    The story is weak.

  • gjsghjhfg
    April 3, 2018 at 2:04 am

    Someone never told him pro wrestling is fake

  • Ray
    April 2, 2018 at 11:18 pm

    If he was clearing the weapon to clean he would remove the mag and then cycle the slide to eject the chambered round. It usually doesn’t jam ejecting it’s when the feed from the mag happens you jam. I doubt he was really cleaning the weapon. It’s a toy to this chucklehead…
    Brandishing the weapon is an intimidation and not illegal but at least in Massachusetts the police can and will pull your permit to carry for it.

  • thumbs down
    April 2, 2018 at 11:07 pm

    The kid made a fucking mistake. You all judge where he comes from right? Scum of the universe? Living in the crotch of the universe? What’s that say about his douchebag neighbors then? Considering they clearly must have the same standards of living or obviously could give a shit less about their own dignity to go and attack the kid next door. Attacking his appearance, his family, posting his mother, all real classy and definitely makes an argumentative point on your end, NOT. There’s no fucking way these neighbors give a rats ass about their children if yet he’s dropped his gun in front of them before and NOW you decide to have a say in your children’s safety. But a legit accident takes place and now it’s “almost kills neighbors kids during Easter” unfuckingreal. The woman had more time on her hands than ever today being able to comment for turtleboy, post all over Facebook, that clearly her children are the least of her worries. You don’t like the “crotch” of a home he’s living in? Take a look, you live right next door. He’s threatened you but you’ve never made the effort to call the cops before? Who the fuck has time to sit back ALL DAY and scroll down WINY and turtleboy trolling to interfere in others lives? He got arrested, called the cops on HIMSELF to report he had accidentally fired his LEGALLY OWNED FIREARM. Funny how everyone is for the second amendment only to contradict “this isn’t what it’s for” NEWSFLASH DUMBASSES THIS IS ACTUALLY WHAT THE SECOND AMMENDEMT PROTECTS, your right to own and carry!

    • Yuck
      April 3, 2018 at 5:36 am

      I usually throw a “Lighten up, Francis!” comment to ones like yours. However, this is more fitting:

      Shut the fuck up, Francis!

    • Rick Shaw
      Rick Shaw
      April 3, 2018 at 8:33 am

      Newsflash you fucking dribble head. This single digit IQ little parasite is too stupid and too irresponsible to own a gun. If you commit a crime with a gun, you no longer deserve to carry. Mommy who wears her name on her shirt and looks like an over used lot lizard at the local truck stop. He was poised to follow in mommy’s footsteps and also have a name on his work shirt at the local Jiffy Lube but hopefully now he’ll just have numbers on his orange jumpsuit. The neighbors can’t be quite right either though letting all this other shit happen without going to the police. No respecting adult lives in that two stall shit hole.

  • True Reality Speaks
    True Reality Speaks
    April 2, 2018 at 10:54 pm

    Liberal TB again posing as a 2nd amendment supporter, then goes on to sound like every other Moms Demand Action or Everytown lemming that has absolutely no fucking idea what they are talking about, but they should be able to dictate whether you have the right to defend yourself. Lol, liberal logic. You’re not fooling anyone with your deceptive and dishonest article – except other useful idiots with inflated egos and dumbed down intellects.

    This kid seems like a tool, but his explanation is totally plausible if you have any experience with guns. You liberal fascists are the mental midgets parroting the anti-freedom, “common sense solutions” to “gun” violence. But unlike how you may be winning with the SJW and PC lies and bullying on some issues, gun owners aren’t going to lose this battle. Sorry – not sorry.

    • Some Guy
      April 3, 2018 at 5:45 am

      Ummm, no. His explanation is not plausible. Not even close. Nor are his mommy’s explanations. That ass scab pulled the trigger with a round in the chamber and is putting on an act to try to explain it away. He got lucky this time. Lucky because his neighbors aren’t armed and couldn’t return fire. Maybe, now that the police will take his LTC and whatever firearms he has, he will get a well deserved throat punch and his chest stomped in.

  • Mom's Basement
    April 2, 2018 at 8:35 pm

    The kid almost took the cable out. Mom would’ve been singing a different tune if that happened.

  • God
    April 2, 2018 at 6:53 pm

    Sorry folks, one of my employees made a mistake in writing the genetic code for this one. Will take action immediately, thanks!

    • Mrs. Bowerman
      April 2, 2018 at 9:38 pm

      Tell that asshole to at least put the right size feet on next time. It’s like he went from making kangaroos to humans without rinsing the beaker our. You know how long it took him to grow into those damn things? It’s not like these shit towns have swim teams either.

  • Clitty Litter
    April 2, 2018 at 6:44 pm

    Even his picture wreaks like that dirty ashtray/sour milk smell.

  • LocalYokel
    April 2, 2018 at 6:41 pm

    “His threats are more like holding up his shirt to make the gun visible in a threatening manner.”
    Whelp, that would be brandishing. What an assclown.

  • bigdaddy
    April 2, 2018 at 6:08 pm

    I thought Carl was killed on the walking dead?

  • Smh
    April 2, 2018 at 5:56 pm

    Dude looks like a giraffe with that neck! Lmao..

    • R
      April 2, 2018 at 8:15 pm

      Now I thought he looked like David Hogg with long hair and an attempt at a ‘stache. Same dead eyes in that pic. David Hogg when he eventually loses it, as we know he will.

  • Real_Finn
    April 2, 2018 at 5:54 pm

    I hate when idiots like him try quoting Ben Shapiro. That’s NOT what he means, dummy. Shapiro is bit too cerebral for him. /rant over

    • Ole Rando
      April 2, 2018 at 6:48 pm

      Shit, a fucking bar of soap is more cerebral than this dumb fuck.

Comment on this Post


White Trash Hero Wears T-Shirt With His Mugshot On It From Last Time He Was Arrested At Latest Mugshot Photoshoot
Tsarnaev Sister Threatened Boyfriend’s Ex With A Bomb Because She’s A Muslim Terrorist And A Tsarnaev And This Is What They Do Best
Ladies Night At TBSports: Will Women Read Our Official Rankings Of NFL Teams Blog?