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Earlier today we broke the story about the man at the Worcester Courthouse who jumped from the third floor balcony.
Well we’ve gotten a lot of shit over this from people who thought this sentence was insensitive:
“If you’re in the courthouse you’re either a victim, a lawyer, or an asshole. And assholes have a tendency to do crazy things”
This was our favorite comment:
“I don’t hope this often on others, but since you’re such a narrow minded judgmental self righteous prick turtle boy, I hope it ends up being a close friend or family member of yours, because regardless of your lack of value of life it has to be somebody’s family or friend who took that pencil dive, and I think it would be maybe just the humbling kick in the dick you could use if it was one of your own who you so callously wrote about.”
First of all, I’m embarrassed that I even have to do this, but let me explain to you how hyperbole works. Ya see, it’s kind of like a joke wrapped in elements of the truth. It it NOT literal. Obviously there are more than just victims, lawyers, and assholes in court. Obviously. There are judges, jurors, reporters, custody disputes, small claims, etc. If you really are that stupid to believe that Turtleboy believes that only assholes, lawyers, and victims step foot in the courthouse, then I have a world famous horse ranch down in Nantucket that I’ll sell you for dirt cheap. Cash only.
Secondly, the reason we even made reference to this was to point out the way the courthouse is set up, and the high volume of dangerous people and others with psychological issues who grace its halls. If you’ve ever been to the courthouse then this doomsday scenario has probably crossed your mind before. Personally, I can’t look out of a four story ledge like that without thinking about what would happen if I fall. Gives me the chills. I figured this would’ve happened a long time ago, when you factor in some of the people who are in the courthouse on a daily basis. Someone could easily throw someone over it or try to end it all right there.
Thirdly, we have no problem with the set up. It looks really cool. Architecture doesn’t kill people. People kill people. If this guy wanted to end it he was eventually going to make this decision.
Anyway, we found out the reason why. A lot of people thought we were being mean because it could’ve been a Dad who just lost custody of his kids or something like that. Not that this would make a difference, because if you’re willing to leave your children fatherless because you don’t get to see them as often as you’d like, then you’re still a selfish dooshnozzle.
But it wasn’t a custody dispute. Our sources in the court tell us that the reason this man jumped was that the judge in courtroom 14 told him to tuck in his shirt. Ya got that? He didn’t wanna tuck his shirt in.
Apparently the judge in his particular judge is a no-nonsense guy who doesn’t let people disrespect his courtroom by dressing like slobs. Which I think is FANTASTIC. Take a trip down to the Worcester Courthouse sometime and look at what people are wearing. It makes Walmart look like Easter Mass at the Cathedral. If you’re an adult and you don’t have the decency or possess the basic understanding that you are supposed to present yourself properly in a court of law, then a judge should let you know that.
This guy is obviously mentally unstable, and this whole situation is unfortunate. But no one is to blame here. It’s a guy who clearly needed mental health and wasn’t getting it. Who knows why. Could be undiagnosed, could be refusing treatment, could be getting treatment and it’s not working. If he was willing to kill himself because he didn’t wanna tuck his shirt in then it was only a matter of time until something set him off. Maybe he would’ve hurt someone else. At least no one else got hurt in this situation.
We don’t know the guy’s name, but we do know that he was alive and screaming in pain when they brought him out of there. If you were there and witnessed it feel free to reach out to us. A lot of people who were there are obviously shaken up. It’s one of those things that can traumatize a person. But the bottom line is, don’t shoot the messenger.
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