Jack Kanoff On Bad Commeters

Doogie Trouser Trout Attempts To Defend Niece Who Was One Of The Billerica Bullies, Says The Victim Deserved It For Trying To Follow Niece’s Boyfriend On IG

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The first of hopefully many relatives to come has stepped forward on the Turtleboy Sports Returns Facebook page, and attempted to defend one of the girls who assaulted, kidnapped, and bullied a girl in a Billerica High School locker room. Meet Dustin Menezes of Billerica.

He didn’t say who he was related to, and quite frankly it doesn’t really matter, because he’s his own blog unto himself. And Thrustin Dustin came out firing.

Nothing says, “my niece really isn’t the vapid suckapotamus you all think she is from that video” quite like her uncle accusing other people’s daughters of being sluts who sell access to their taco warmers in exchange for drug money. I thought these girls were terrible at first, then I read Thrustin’s thoughts and I realized that they actually came from great homes and probably just had a bad day.

Thrustin’s got friends in low places. And while they’re down he shows us what he can do to their glory holes.


He was just getting warmed up though. Turns out the victim actually got what she deserved.

Life ain’t no fairy tale, just ask Thrustin Dustin.

He can’t find a guy to propose to him. Can’t imagine why, because he seems like quite the catch.

According to him, the victim had it coming because she had the audacity to hit the follow button on Instagram. This definitely puts the girls in a better light.

But what if that was your niece Thrustin Dustin?

Yea, in the Menevez household they learn at a young age only to hit the follow button once. Homey don’t play that. And anyone who wants to talk shit about his bullying niece can be merked by this cold blooded gangsta.

Lots of bad ass men get professional pictures taken at romantic lighthouses by themselves for absolutely no reason.

Turns out Dustin here likely sympathizes with his criminal niece because he’s got so much experience with the law himself.

Yup, Doogie Trouser Trout got caught trying to steal money from a MBTA deposit box with a God damn drill. Because nobody will notice the guy in highly trafficked public place using a drill to break into a deposit box.

Of course this happened just weeks after his arrest for breaking into someone’s house in Billerica. But he had a foolproof getaway for that one – he put duct tape over the license plate.

That will fool the cops! There’s nothing suspicious at all about a vehicle with a hidden license plate at a house where the silent alarm is going off.

Anyway, Uncle Turtleboy wants me to pass along the message that Thrustin Dustin is more than welcome to come on the Turtleboy Live show this Saturday night and explain why it was OK for his niece to do what she did. I’m sure after a few days of thinking about it he’ll be able to articulate his thoughts even more brilliantly than he already has.

26 Comment(s)
  • fucker the trucker
    November 1, 2018 at 7:31 pm

    I once was at the rest stop on the pike in ludlow west bound, taking a shit in a stall. Look to my left and yup, theres a boarded up glory hole. Luckily trouser trout dustin is good with a drill, he can bore out that hole again. Can someone get word to him that his service is needed in western mass?

  • I believe him
    October 31, 2018 at 6:52 pm

    He has the gay.

  • Ayatollah Khameni
    October 31, 2018 at 1:31 pm

    I am Muslim, so whatever I say is protected by the Democrats.


  • citypoint
    October 31, 2018 at 1:17 pm

    Dustin must have fell asleep in English class for a few years.

  • Crispy C
    October 31, 2018 at 12:57 pm

    I bet Dustin dies of AIDS in a few years. Turtleboy, I suggest you google him every 6 months until you find an obituary for him.

  • Sally
    October 31, 2018 at 12:50 pm

    Nancy, fairy, fruit, pansy, queen, fag, queer, pouf, faggot, poof, sodomite, homo, diseased, perverted, dysfunctional, deviant tird

  • Dustin’s lawyer be like
    October 31, 2018 at 12:43 pm

    Probation isn’t working for my client. An extended stay at the house of corrections would be the best course of action for The Commonwealth.

  • Fitzy
    October 31, 2018 at 12:32 pm

    See I was right! Burgling the cash box begets more burgling at summer camp for this soy milk latte!

  • Cringe
    October 31, 2018 at 12:15 pm

    Just in case his niece wasn’t already humiliated Tinkerbell comes flying out in full attack mode. While I don’t doubt that he knows plenty of men in low places anything that they may have offered was jail cell pillow talk and nothing more.

  • Please don't scratch me, Sir
    October 31, 2018 at 11:19 am

    Welcome to the new millennium, where homos think that because people don’t beat them anymore they can threaten people and be taken seriously.

  • Y
    October 31, 2018 at 10:27 am

    Dustin was once a part of the NY party scene:

  • Satan's Little Brother Dougie
    October 31, 2018 at 10:12 am

    Few things are funnier than a pickle pirate trying to be a tuff guy.

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      October 31, 2018 at 12:33 pm

      Pickle Pirate! Add that to my list of great terms for fags – thanks!

  • Off yourself
    October 31, 2018 at 9:41 am

    Gayness is half mental disorder and half just being stupid. Gay’s brains have something wrong with them. At least they can’t breed.

  • So Gay
    October 31, 2018 at 9:21 am

    Fudge Packer. Appreciates when his stool is pushed in.

  • JoeMomma
    October 31, 2018 at 9:05 am

    He better be careful or my 10 year old niece will kick his ass.

  • I've seen it all
    October 31, 2018 at 8:35 am

    Billerica has a lot of wanna be bad asses. It’s a Lowell “Mini me”. the trouble is the Billerica badass usually goes into hiding when reality kicks them in the ass. Once a new tough guy arrives on the scene, the others kiss his ass. Sprague st, lolol talk about a neighborhood of local hillbillies……

  • hershey highway
    October 31, 2018 at 8:07 am

    degenerate pervert, die you fucking faggot

  • John Wypyszinski
    Dustin's Pimp
    October 31, 2018 at 7:17 am

    Dustin likes to work the men’s room at bus stations and rest areas. His dream is to be in charge of happy endings at Brucie’s Bath House where he’s currently the towel boy and janitor.

  • whatevuh
    October 31, 2018 at 6:48 am

    The only ‘low places’ Dustin is familiar with are the bathroom stalls at gay bars. Sit down and shut up . . . . . .

  • dball31211
    October 31, 2018 at 6:31 am

    What a fuckin tool

  • LookAtMyTinyBiceps
    October 31, 2018 at 6:26 am

    Dustin’s got some badass definition on those fucking massive linguini arms. What does he use for weights, an old hollow rolling pin? Fucking fanook.

    • Akihito
      October 31, 2018 at 7:40 am

      I don’t know, I bet if Dustie went at it with Jacob Froias he’d lick him

  • I'm back
    October 31, 2018 at 6:07 am

    Spraque st….bthatcsays It all. One of the lowest class streets in Ricca. It’s tied for 1st with good old Wilson st. Better watch out, you attack his niece, and you may actually get hit with his purse…..

  • Walter "Rainbow" Bird
    October 31, 2018 at 2:22 am

    I wanna have Dustin’s baby. I can be a low dirty guy. I love you Dustin. Let’s show the girls who is the boss. Chick’s are second class citizens.

    • Jim
      October 31, 2018 at 7:31 am

      Stop trustin and lustin for disgustin Dustin, he seem to be a turd burglar in more ways than one.

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