Smiles And Sunshine

Final First Round Region Of Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Is Completed And We Have Our First Tie – Previewing The Round Of 32 Matchups

Final First Round Region Of Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Is Completed And We Have Our First Tie – Previewing The Round Of 32 Matchups

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The results of the first round of Turtleboy Ratchet Madness in the Trap Queen Region are completed. Here are your winners:

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Agreed. WANDA is wicked ratchet, but the Iorio’s are on a whole nother level.


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Landslide!! Thought this would be a lot closer, but Mariah and Webster hoodrats are apparently a crowd pleaser, and will give the Iorio’s a run for their money in the 1-9 matchup next round.


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Agreed. Ware Vibrator Bandits are dirty, dirty people.

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This was the only real upset. Princeza made it onto so many blogs and was as ratchet as you get. But she also doesn’t have a 420 tattoo on her forehead.


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Blowout, as expected. Maiya Cruz is might be a nutjob, but at least she probably tips her waitress on formal night at Applebee’s.


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This was an unfair draw. In hindsight Sarai should’ve been seeded higher. Her ratchetness is one of a kind, and she went up against a very popular ratchet in the Fall River Guttermuppet.

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Liz Costa was wicked ratchet, but she never stood a shot.

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And finally we have our first tie:

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When this happens the Turtleboy staff has to step in to pick a winner. And for us the choice is obvious:

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There’s a reason Mel Taylor is the 2 seed and Jennie Chenkin is the 15. Jennie might be a criminal, whiny SJW, but Mel Taylor has left a path of destruction like none other.


Here’s what this region now looks like.

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Man, these are gonna get harder and harder. I don’t wanna influence anyone’s voting, but I like the Iorio’s in a close one, the Ware Vibrator Bandits, the Brockton no-tip trap queen, and Mel Taylor. Then I like Mel Taylor and Iorio’s for an epic matchup to see who goes to the Final Four. But that’s just who Turtleboy likes. I bet the voters end up picking the Fall River Guttermuppet vs. Mariah and the Webster hoodrats.

We will begin the second round of voting to see who advances to the Sweet 16 on Wednesday, starting with the Fupasloth Region. Here’s the final 32:

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These are literally the hardest decisions any of you will ever make. Good luck. I know you will continue to make well informed choices, since Turtle Riders are the smartest and most reasonable people on earth.


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8 Comment(s)
  • ImjustaTBFan
    April 4, 2017 at 12:09 pm

    Mel Taylor wishes his dick was that big

  • Mahatma Ghandi
    April 3, 2017 at 8:17 pm

    I demand a recount! If not I will put a dot on Turtleboy’s forehead and show you what peace really means! Jenny Chenkin is most ratchet! Me and mother Teresa says so. I think she really got 711 votes. You kicked my dog!

  • Princeza Groupie
    April 3, 2017 at 3:47 pm

    The goddess lost, I demand a recount. She’s internationally known too, it was fixed because of envy and jealousy.

    • Turd Burglestein
      April 3, 2017 at 4:39 pm

      That was my 1st pick that got eliminated. I had the perfect bracket until that upset.

  • Wabbitt
    April 3, 2017 at 2:49 pm

    Shitty 16

    Crazy 8

    Fucked Up 4

    Nothing sweet about any of these yahoos.

  • Colred folk
    April 3, 2017 at 1:51 pm

    This entire bracket thing is GAY.

    • Linda
      April 3, 2017 at 2:10 pm

      And you can’t spell.

    • Silky Johnson
      April 3, 2017 at 3:14 pm

      On a scale of Magnum PI ‘stache to jizz dripping gaping anal fissures… How gay?

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