All-Star Criminals

Food Stamp Friday: Overweight Neckbearded Naniburger Says He’s “Starving,” Later That Day Sells Food Stamps For $80 On Facebook

Food Stamp Friday: Overweight Neckbearded Naniburger Says He’s “Starving,” Later That Day Sells Food Stamps For $80 On Facebook

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Editor’s Note: Here’s the updated list of chudmuffins and arsebiscuits we’ve chronicled buying and selling their food stamps on Facebook:

“Food Stamp Abuse Is Rare”: Here’s A List Of People Selling Food Stamps On Facebook That Turtleboy Has Exposed

Just in case anyone ever tells you how rare this stuff is. 


You think we were gonna let this Friday pass by without the weekly edition of Food Stamp Friday? Think again. We got a real winner this week named Christopher Rivera:

As you can see he prefers the finer things in life, and has chosen to turn his neck into a chia pet. Goes well with the wife beater that more than likely hasn’t been washed since he purchased it with last month’s stamps.

Earlier this week Christopher had an announcement to make:

Of course this abled bodied male gets food stamps from the government. Why wouldn’t he? God forbid he pay for his own flat brimmed hats!

I can deal with a lot of bullshit. But this right here is a line I cannot allow to be crossed. I will not stand by and watch the greatest franchise that has ever existed be relegated to hoodrat status. Look asshole, you need to take your fat ass back to Lids and exchange that hat for a Chicago Bulls flat brimmed hat immediately!!

Anyway, I have any idea Christopher. Instead of selling those food stamps, why not just use them to buy food? Ya know, because right after you posted about the stamps for sell you posted this:

Even your friends were like……bruh…

Only in America can an overweight, able-bodied man in his 20’s not only receiving government assistance, but consider himself “starving.”

According to Christopher he works too:

And by going to work he means, “heading down to Cumby’s to blow last month’s food stamps on blunts and Mountain Dew.”

He’s also one of these:

These are the worst people on the Internet – the “feel bad for me because I’m thinking about suicide, but I’m not really thinking about suicide, I just want attention and for you to tell me how much you love me,” assholes.

Come on bro, things can’t be that bad. Most welfare leeches with neckbeards that have grown their own neckbeards can’t get laid. You on the other hand are “married” to a chick who looks like she’s got Beethoven’s fifth symphony tittooed on her gerber servers.

Enjoy it while it lasts. Plus she’s already got a litter of children so you know what that means – more stamps!!

He must really need the cash if he’s literally starving to death though. Perhaps he needs it to fix his broken caps lock:

Not quite sure. All I know is this is illegal. Here’s the number to call to report EBT fraud:


And here’s a link to the state’s website if you’d rather fill out the form.

Remember though, EBT abuse is rare. Hardly ever happens. The only people who receive them are the elderly and single moms going through a tough period. It’s not like anyone makes a lifestyle out of it or sells their food stamps on the Internet. Not worth looking into. Only Turtleboy does that.


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12 Comment(s)
  • August 30, 2017 at 10:27 pm

    Hello, this weekend is good designed for me, as this point in time i am
    reading this impressive educational piece of writing here at my home.

  • Sally Bermingham
    August 20, 2017 at 12:01 am

    He probably gets them because he’s got a police record and because of that no one will hire him, So it’s all our fault he can’t get a job, so we “owe” him

  • Hoodrat central
    August 19, 2017 at 6:53 pm

    You could do a whole story about the “wife”. What a prize she is.

  • Barry
    August 19, 2017 at 9:43 am

    Married? I wouldn’t have thought that either of them needed a green card

  • Deval For President 2020
    August 19, 2017 at 6:03 am

    Anecdotes. Mere Anecdotes.

  • Leeches
    August 19, 2017 at 5:05 am

    Being a single mother, who works my ass off and barely scrapes by to keep up with the house I own, my child and affording to put food on the table but yet, I don’t qualify for food assistance, makes me livid!
    I know a 36 year old man, who is in prime health, capable of working but receives $239 a month in food stamps?!? These ghetto, trash filled, swamp looking creatures, leeching off the system?? Grown ass men, capable of working, shouldn’t be receiving food assistance. Plain and simple. Get off your lazy fuckin ass, you chumps! Does he realize he would be doing the world a great service by cutting off his oxygen supply??? Another leech ass bum, the equivalent to all the running around this city!

    • Barry
      August 19, 2017 at 9:47 am

      Unless you have a real hardship such as not having tattoos, fake nails, or aftermarket rims and exhaust for your Honda then you’re just going to have to figure life out on your own

    • Sally Bermingham
      August 20, 2017 at 12:03 am

      You’re so right. Pisses me off to see “men” like this get food stamps

  • CJT
    August 19, 2017 at 2:24 am

    Somoene actually liked his suicide post. Lol. You know your doing something wrong when you threaten suicide and your boys like, go for bro. Lol

  • Tony
    August 18, 2017 at 11:15 pm

    Lots of scowling, really bad ink, cheap shades, lip puckering and of course gov. money. Some things never change.

  • Steven Stover
    August 18, 2017 at 11:03 pm

    Welfare brats breeding like rats. They sicken us working taxpayers.

  • August 18, 2017 at 10:42 pm

    Poor chap must’ve have ran out of Bon Bons.

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