Food Stamp Friday: Overweight Neckbearded Naniburger Says He’s “Starving,” Later That Day Sells Food Stamps For $80 On Facebook

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Editor’s Note: Here’s the updated list of chudmuffins and arsebiscuits we’ve chronicled buying and selling their food stamps on Facebook:

“Food Stamp Abuse Is Rare”: Here’s A List Of People Selling Food Stamps On Facebook That Turtleboy Has Exposed

Just in case anyone ever tells you how rare this stuff is. 

You think we were gonna let this Friday pass by without the weekly edition of Food Stamp Friday? Think again. We got a real winner this week named Christopher Rivera:

As you can see he prefers the finer things in life, and has chosen to turn his neck into a chia pet. Goes well with the wife beater that more than likely hasn’t been washed since he purchased it with last month’s stamps.

Earlier this week Christopher had an announcement to make:

Of course this abled bodied male gets food stamps from the government. Why wouldn’t he? God forbid he pay for his own flat brimmed hats!

I can deal with a lot of bullshit. But this right here is a line I cannot allow to be crossed. I will not stand by and watch the greatest franchise that has ever existed be relegated to hoodrat status. Look asshole, you need to take your fat ass back to Lids and exchange that hat for a Chicago Bulls flat brimmed hat immediately!!

Anyway, I have any idea Christopher. Instead of selling those food stamps, why not just use them to buy food? Ya know, because right after you posted about the stamps for sell you posted this:

Even your friends were like……bruh…

Only in America can an overweight, able-bodied man in his 20’s not only receiving government assistance, but consider himself “starving.”

According to Christopher he works too:

And by going to work he means, “heading down to Cumby’s to blow last month’s food stamps on blunts and Mountain Dew.”

He’s also one of these:

These are the worst people on the Internet – the “feel bad for me because I’m thinking about suicide, but I’m not really thinking about suicide, I just want attention and for you to tell me how much you love me,” assholes.

Come on bro, things can’t be that bad. Most welfare leeches with neckbeards that have grown their own neckbeards can’t get laid. You on the other hand are “married” to a chick who looks like she’s got Beethoven’s fifth symphony tittooed on her gerber servers.

Enjoy it while it lasts. Plus she’s already got a litter of children so you know what that means – more stamps!!

He must really need the cash if he’s literally starving to death though. Perhaps he needs it to fix his broken caps lock:

Not quite sure. All I know is this is illegal. Here’s the number to call to report EBT fraud:

1-800-372-8399

And here’s a link to the state’s website if you’d rather fill out the form.

Remember though, EBT abuse is rare. Hardly ever happens. The only people who receive them are the elderly and single moms going through a tough period. It’s not like anyone makes a lifestyle out of it or sells their food stamps on the Internet. Not worth looking into. Only Turtleboy does that.

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