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Getting out of your car in Lowell during a road rage rowdydown is never recommended. We all remember what the Lowell Beaver Bumper did in February right?
Literally killed a dude in broad daylight and went home and posted about it on Facebook.
So yea, it’s always a good idea to stay inside your car during an urban safari in Lowell. The animals are hungry, and they bite.
Nevertheless this happened yesterday:
The video’s going viral and we found the greatest possible name for this creature in the comments:
Ginger Gumby. Dead. God bless your soul Stephanie Marie.
This chick really is shaped like and has the flexibility of a fictional character made of gelatin. You kind of have to be when you use your car’s window like a door. She jumped out of
…and in that beyoch
via the window.
Naturally Ginger Gumby showed up in the comments to explain to strangers who were laughing at her why she prefers this method of entry and exit to her vehicle:
Turns out she “would’ve looked dumb” had she used the door:
Oh yea, using the door would’ve made you look dumb. Not this though:
Going full “cash me ousside” and then treating a bunch of strangers to your ginger keester cakes makes you look smart. VERY smart.
There’s a 99.9% chance she’s pulled that maneuver several times before too. You don’t just hop out of a running vehicle’s window in rush hour traffic if you don’t know what you’re doing.
Shocking that this obviously wildly successful intellectual wouldn’t be able to afford a car that has functional locks though. But what’s not shocking is that she felt no shame in her behavior, and actually showed up with 100 emojis ablazin’ in the comments:
It’s always extra special when ratchets find out they’re Internet famous, and instead of keeping a low profile and bowing their head in shame like a normal person, they double down and soak in the shame and humiliation that they bring everyone who has ever associated with them.
She was bragging to all her friends about how she accurately predicted it would go viral:
Does this look like the kind of crotch creature who wouldn’t be proud of being featured in a video where a bunch of commuters were treated to a wall full of proctology porn?
If your profile picture is you sticking your ass out to the camera, as if the #1 thing that defines you in life is the oriface that your mahogoney mudcakes emerge from, there’s a real good chance you’re gonna end up on Turtleboy one day.
Also, if the majority of pictures on your Facebook page involve you smoking a Newport 100
There’s also a really good chance you’ll be Turtleboy famous.
Of course she works at Dunkin Donuts:
It’s like becoming a CNA if you haven’t completed your GED yet. Former and current Dunkin Donuts employees are quickly becoming the flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat of professions for Turtleboy protagonists.
As you can see, she’s initially from New Hampshire, which explains why she lives by the creed, “Live free, or browneye,” during traffic jams. She’s also from Woburn, but currently lives in Lowell Jr. – North Billerica. Home of the Billerica Baboon.
North Billerica is where ratchets move when they want us to believe they made it out of the slums, but they still wanna keep that Section 8 though.
Nevertheless she’s in a fine position to judge the behavior of others….
True that girl. Nothing nasty about your behavior.
Nothing at all.
I think I found the real cause of her anger though….
Should’ve realized it. She need some more Vitamin D in her diet. Because she apparently just got dumped:
I can’t believe any guy out there wouldn’t wanna settle down with this ruby rumpus. She seems so stable.
Can someone please toss this chick some pity pickle?? I know, I know – you’re worried about the long term effects that Ginger Gumby might have on your porridge pumper.
But the world would be a lot safer place if someone would step up to the plate. Anyone?
28 Comment(s)
Notice the other car has a turned up mirror on the passenger side. Is that legal? How would he know? Driving around with turned up mirrors? So tired of sharing the road with clueless South Americans who have never seen snow, ice or even rain and can barely drive. On the other hand the ginger has sweet ninja moves…
I’d eat her like the Last Supper. I mean, without the whole Blood of Christ thing, of course.
Come on mohammed get real. First you would give her a cliorectemy and then you would have her cover her face eith a hijab while you and your women hating muslim crew ass raped her
800-IPAYTAX or 800-472-9829 Thats the number to report shitbags who have NH plates but live in Massachusetts. The types that dont want to pay MA excise tax or MA Insurance.
The types that carry no insurance in NH and drive on MA roads are dangerous.
Wouldn’t touch that with Bill Clinton’s unit.
Let’s see: Neck tat. Smokes. 1/4-20 bolt for a tongue stud. What a trifecta.
Somebody please spay her.
Car window in and out is epic!! Ginger woman being a ginger, nothing new.
Why work at dunks and be a freak when you have the “personality” and body to be an adult “actress”
WOULD!!
I bet she knows the difference between jam and jelly!
I would definitely drop one in her orange stink hole!!
Holy sheepshit she looks exactly like my exwife when I met her about 20 years. Crazy as all fuck, I just couldn’t resist. Knew she was batshit crazy and it was bad for me but just didn’t give a damn. You should see her now though. Two kids later looking like a red clad wildebeest. Eventually the crazy will win the war over the hot and the results will be horrifying.
This reminds me of the old days. Masterbating to Phyllis Diller while my sisters banged on the bathroom door.
That is so strange Walt, I used to actually have Phyllis Diller pictures on my ceiling. Man, couple fresh clean socks and a new uncapped bottle of cocoa butter and off to the races I would go. Her cleavage shots in The Private Navy of Sgt. O’Farrell used to make my spontaneously blast marshmallow lumps in my undies every time. Maybe we should get together, I have never had the pleasure of engaging in a Phyllis Diller circle jerk session. Turtles 4Eva!!!!
What’s the +/- on how soon she gets a dumb ass tat on her arm or hand thus forever pigeonholing herself into a life as a custodian of the food service or bedpan-changing arts? I say 6 months.
On a different note, I sincerely hope HBO does a sequel to High On Crack Street: Lost Lives in Lowell. It’s been 25 years too long…
Daisy Puke slipped in and outta the General Lee faster than Bo and Luke with Roscoe P Coltrain in HOT PURSUIT!
I’d tongue punch that ginger fart box
Not Guilty
In her defense, it is Lowell. 9/10 of the drivers don’t know 3 words of English & drive like they are back in the home country. Add in a few thousand texting university twerps & 100 watt sub-woofers cranking garbage rap/salsa/calypso/fill-in-the-blank, and you’ll have this.
Notice the ‘victim’s non-reaction. Prolly had no idea what she was saying.
What a cunt !
I would 100% creampie that
Why can’t shit like this happen to me during MY commute.
Hey, isn’t that one of my tunes?
Every god damned single one of us would hit that and those that say they wont are gay or lying.
“Every god damned single one of us would hit that and
…those that say they wont are gay or lying.”
Bullshit. You forgot to add :
– or you want an STD
– or you have zero self esteem
– or have no eyes
– or would like a stalker for life
Grossed Out,
Finn
I would bury my dick so far and so deep into that firecrotch whoever pulled it out would be crowned King Of England !!
Can I get some of that dick?!!!?
Finn’s a catcher, not a pitcher. And he’s jelly ‘cuz the closest he’s ever got is reading old National Geographics in his Mom’s basement.
This is one of the few times in life where I’m happy to be old. So this chick slides out of her car Dukes of Hazzard style to scream at that guy for cutting her off or whatever, but where does the twerk fit in? Am i missing something here?
HOT like in VOLCANO HOT. May be a little crazy, but so isn’t a lot of people from Lowell. Red hair gives it away, she could dress like an undertaker and still look hot.
Beat me to it. I’d give her a Kool-Aid grin that could light up Santa’s Village.