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I’d Rather Kill Myself Than Go To Hyannis After Memorial Day And These Ratchets Huffing Cool Whip And Passing Out In Front Of Families Are The Reason Why

I’d Rather Kill Myself Than Go To Hyannis After Memorial Day And These Ratchets Huffing Cool Whip And Passing Out In Front Of Families Are The Reason Why

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I generally try to avoid the Cape like the plague after Memorial Day, but some parts are worse than others. Anything past Orleans is fine by me. Chatham is cool, it’s just a pain to get to. Dennis is alright, Mashpee is a clusterfuck, and I’ll only go to Falmouth if I’m trying to catch the ferry to the Vineyard. But nothing compares to Barnstable. Particularly Hyannis. It’s the worst place on earth, especially in the summer. From ratchet broads stabbing dudes while Mom hits a cop in the face with a frying pan,


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to drug dealers dressing as elderly men and evading the cops for months

to vagrants boning in broad daylight behind a dumpster on Main Street

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And I’m quickly reminded why I’d much rather kill myself than ever be subjected to a week in Hyannis in July ever again. And that doesn’t even factor in the traffic going into Yarmouth that literally doesn’t move. Ever. It’s nothing more than Brockton with waves. If John F. Kennedy were alive today he’d spend his summers in Holyoke over going back to Hyannis ever again. And this is why:

As you can see, all the news out of Hyannis is bad news, all the time. But I think the story that perfectly encapsulates what a steaming pile of shit Hyannis is, can be seen in this story from the Hyannis News:

Police responded to a report of woman “passed out” on the sidewalk in front of Five Below this afternoon as Hytown’s drug issues continue. Families out shopping witnessed the spectacle as officers ran the woman’s info in the their crime computer back at headquarters for outstanding arrest warrants. It turns out she had two, according to radio transmissions.

wait for it……..

wait for it……..

wait for it………..

Ding, ding, ding!!!

The hat!! Chicago Bulls flat brimmed hats are the new form of dooshnozzle profiling. If you wear that hat you should be the law that you’re required to be stop and frisked. Because there’s a 99% chance you have a dirty syringe and black market food stamps in your pockets. Only a matter of time until the Chicago Bulls flat brimmed hat mafia is a protected group by the ACLU.



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12 Comment(s)
  • Henry Fool
    August 18, 2018 at 10:04 am

    Trying to hold the line in the border town of Harwich, the beaches now littered with white trash, shark videos and current generation youths. Please send help…

  • Myname
    June 13, 2017 at 9:30 pm

    Yarmouth is a complete dump. Just drive down Route28. They’ve let that town go to hell. Looks like a run down New Jersey strip with dirty streets, old motels and closed down businesses.

  • True Reality Speaks
    Mirror Mirror
    June 12, 2017 at 8:34 pm

    You realize that the state is sending these drug addicts and other low lifes down there to stay in “emergency housing” at the empty hotels off season, right? ‘Cuz they’re just gonna pack up and go back to the Riv or Lawrence when summer starts. Lol

    Thank a lib!

  • Fed up
    June 12, 2017 at 11:36 am

    Section 8 and rental homes are the problem. I would never in a million years rent out my home on the cape.

  • Your name here*
    June 12, 2017 at 9:58 am

    As a resident (begrudgingly) of Cape Cod, Hyannis does have the most shitbags per capita but what may not be known, is the town right next to it, Yarmouth, is LOADED with sex offenders. Follow the YPD FB page and you will see nothing but updates of Level III sex offenders moving in to the town. Yarmouth is an absolute garbage pile. Even a former YPD detective was busted with kiddie porn. Hyannis has all the junkies and bums, Yarmouth has all the disgusting wastes of flesh that want to stick their penises in your children’s bum.

  • Semen Cannon
    June 12, 2017 at 9:54 am

    Okay… not that I disagree with anything in this posting… but, I have to ask…

    “Man arrested for Class A narcotics after doing karate moves and alarming neighbors”

    what type of metrosexual, pussy-ass neighbors are ‘alarmed’ by someone doing ‘karate moves’?

    Why do I get images of Napoleon Dynamite in my head when I read that article title?

  • Johnny5
    June 12, 2017 at 9:26 am

    You are right, anything past Orleans is good. That’s where the normal white people with jobs go. Chatham and Harwich too.

  • Greg
    June 12, 2017 at 8:07 am

    I voted for Bourne, just cause’ the ex-wife lives there…

    The Cape is latterly the heroin capitol of Mass, you just don’t hear it reported on the news often because they need to keep it as a tourist destination, and no one wants to summer around a bunch of junkies.

  • Jo
    June 12, 2017 at 7:51 am

    I’ve lived and worked down the Cape in the past , and you are right on the money with this depiction of Hyannis. At the time I was living there (early 90’s) Hyannis had the “highest homeless teen rate in the state”. Seems the powers-that-be have conveniently chose to close their eyes to this fact and let it grow. Sad, because, there are a lot of great things about the cape and it’s tax-paying citizens…but the amount of scum that has been allowed to invade Barnstable County is just shameful. Can’t even walk around the west end without encountering criminal activity.

    • Worcester County WorldStar
      June 12, 2017 at 5:06 pm

      I lived my childhood on the Cape…great memories, but it ain’t what it used to be.
      Hyannis and Yarmouth gets worse every year because of the subsidized housing,
      while all the rich liberals escape to the wealthier towns where they can be away
      from everyone. Even Wellfleet and Truro are crazy even in the fall, when I went
      last year.

  • Big Raymond
    June 12, 2017 at 6:02 am

    Is nothing sacred? These mutants would have set-up a meth-lab in the Garden of Eden.

  • They call me Ponch
    June 12, 2017 at 5:44 am

    FBCBH ( Flat Brimmed Chicago Bulls Hat) lives matter.

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