All-Star Criminals

If You Let 2 Zanny Zombies Smoke A Cigarette In Your Car Outside Of The Webster Dollar Store Then You’re Probably Going To Get Kidnapped And Driven Around Dudley


If you’ve ever thought about helping people who appear to be in need, here’s why that’s a bad idea.

Sweet Grandma Moses.

He looks like Elsa’s junkie brother with a runny nose.

I don’t wanna victim blame here or anything, but if you let two zanny gremlins in your car outside of the Dollar Store in Webster, you’re kind of asking to get kidnapped.

I know, I know, it’s not their fault – they have the “disease” that makes you kidnap people and drive them around Dudley and Webster for an hour. Personally, I liked her more as a hippie.

That is your brain on weed.

This is your brain on Diego’s new shit.

He’s seen better days too, although he always had that look that he was capable of going full ratchet at any moment.

Of course these two criminal geniuses elected to do this right after a snowfall, and then trampled through the show, rather than sticking to streets and sidewalks where they couldn’t be tracked like animals.

Anyway, there are tons of charities out there you can donate to if you wanna help people in need. But generally people are “homeless” for a reason, and if they’re asking strangers for money it’s because they’ve burned every other bridge already. So the moral of the story is, don’t try to help the homeless. Most didn’t end up that way on accident, and at least half of them aren’t really homeless to begin with.


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33 Comment(s)
  • Silencio Dogood
    December 10, 2019 at 2:19 am

    I love that she had underarm hair tattooed there, in case the real thing came is sparse.

  • AngryWhiteDad
    December 9, 2019 at 10:41 pm

    Now this, this is exactly what I was talking about. You wouldn’t want her and her bf in your car, but she’s bangable, for sure. Probably $30 if she really needed her fix. Worth the $10 upgrade to raw dawg it.

  • Crystal Laviolette
    Eyeless BoogeyMan
    December 9, 2019 at 9:12 pm

    Boogies and no eyebrows. Lost to the cause.

  • Spic Tormentor
    December 9, 2019 at 8:34 pm

    I wish that happened to me.

    I would paint my interior with junkie brains

  • Ummm no
    December 9, 2019 at 7:51 pm

    Eeeew. You guys like to look at boogers on beards? No thanx u.

  • Who Flung Cum
    December 9, 2019 at 4:27 pm

    I need penicillin from having looked at those pictures.

  • John Blutarsky
    December 9, 2019 at 4:21 pm

    Nice snotcicle!

  • Up the potency diego
    December 9, 2019 at 4:06 pm

    Only problem I see is these drugs aren’t strong enough and aren’t killing these air thieves fast enough.

  • george costanza
    The Kleenex fairy
    December 9, 2019 at 3:27 pm

    Someone put me to work please

  • Aqualung
    December 9, 2019 at 1:52 pm

    Snots running down his nose
    Greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes

    • Jack-knife Barber
      December 9, 2019 at 2:08 pm

      That’s fuckin’ Shakespeare!

  • liz warren's dried up snatch
    December 9, 2019 at 1:42 pm

    A common slut named Nichole
    Had crabs crawl out of her hole
    her boyfriend named Jess
    was aware of the mess
    and now both pigs live on the dole

  • Stupidandstupider
    December 9, 2019 at 1:30 pm

    1st you misspelt snow! You wrote show! 2nd who the fucken hell let’s a stranger in the car . I don’t care if it’s 20 below . Fuck that!!

    • fuckface O'Reilly
      December 9, 2019 at 1:45 pm

      “misspelt” literary gold , you fucking mutt

      • Show em!!
        December 9, 2019 at 5:06 pm


  • Where’s hitler
    December 9, 2019 at 1:24 pm

    When did the country become Jewish.

    • Where's my fist
      December 9, 2019 at 1:52 pm

      Probably about the same time you started sucking dicks in bathrooms

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    December 9, 2019 at 1:11 pm

    Looks like she went from herbage to the H.

    • Joe Biden
      December 9, 2019 at 8:56 pm

      See…..I told you marijuana was a gateway drug. Now where are those young boys that were gunna rub my legs man?

  • bigdaddy
    December 9, 2019 at 12:50 pm

    I think I saw her on the walking dead

  • Salaminizer
    December 9, 2019 at 12:38 pm

    That’s a jizz booger, baby!

  • Christopher Lettiere
    December 9, 2019 at 12:00 pm

    FISA drops today at 1:00; this will lay additional groundwork for Durham’s criminal investigation.

    Tides are turning, Patriots.


    – Clinton Kildepstein

    • murdochpatsymcreynolds
      Old Tom Morris
      December 9, 2019 at 1:22 pm

      Love it Y. Rage against their machine!

  • Metro West Guy
    December 9, 2019 at 11:44 am

    You want to REALLY see what it looks like to be homeless and hungry, check out beggars in India or Africa. In MA there’s free beds, food, medical care, and twenty other free services available to anyone who shows up with their hand shoved out. Next time someone around here asks you for a dollar, give them the finger and keep moving.

  • ncfoothillbilly
    December 9, 2019 at 11:30 am

    Reminds me of the time I was living in Gotham and these terrorists tried to get in my car. Lemme tell youse it didn’t goes well for the terrorists. Know what I’m sayin

    • ncfoothillbilly
      December 9, 2019 at 11:45 am

      Oh look…a fake me…

      • nchillbillytwo
        December 9, 2019 at 11:55 am

        Sounds like you

  • Crapshoot
    December 9, 2019 at 11:22 am

    $20? After an hour of phone calls trying to get some? They picked a winna.

  • Quite a Couple
    December 9, 2019 at 11:20 am

    Her nose was busted right into the back of her skull. Must be a mouthy bitch

    • hartf811
      December 9, 2019 at 11:26 am

      Gravity effects junkies more that the rest us. He nose was the result of a faceplant.

  • Diego
    December 9, 2019 at 11:12 am

    let him in the car to “smoke a cigarette” LMAO yeah ok… aka a drug deal gone bad

  • Ratchetsaurous Rex
    December 9, 2019 at 10:58 am

    Boogity boogity. Haha.

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