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Lawrence PD raided the apartment of Santos Figueroa this week and seized 300 grams of heroin and 200 grams of cocaine in one swoop. Mr. Figueroa (AKA bootleg Snoop-Dogg) has been slinging drugs on Farnham Street and sold to a “confidential source” from the DEA on two separate occasions before LPD was able to get a search warrant for his apartment on Wednesday.

After setting up a third drug deal on Thursday, police arrested Santos when he was on his way to sell more heroin. When they got to his apartment they found a shitload of drugs and his wifey’s three young kids running amok with a “friends mother” babysitting.

Somewhere Charlie Sheens mouth is watering.

OF COURSE there were 3 kids living in an apartment with a half kilo of drugs scattered about because no Lawtown triple decker is complete without some fentanyl in the kitchen next to the Pop-Tarts and Tampico. Seriously, look at this golden palace:

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the area, Farnham Street is a little slice of heaven located between S. Union Street and Shawsheen park and there are actual trees so this is prime 978 real estate.

Oh yeah, lets not forget about the Kindergarten that’s a block over.

I don’t know about you, but this neighborhood makes me want to grab a beach chair and a tropical drink because it’s a regular concrete paradise.

My man Santos is no stranger to getting arrested for being ghetto fabulous (and apparently crime is a family affair in the Figueroa family)

2007:

2011:

2012:

Look at this semi-beard smackrat:

Then there’s his ratchet debutante:

.

I’m sure Tiffany Dorazio had nooooo idea that thousands of dollars worth of drugs were being flipped out of her house.

Just kidding.

As long as Tiffany has endless funds for jumbo sized hoop earrings and shopping sprees at Allante Fashions she doesn’t ask any questions. Lord knows she doesn’t want to go back to boosting jewelry and making weekly runs to Cash For Gold in order to buy cartons of Newports next door at Paysaver.

Plus where would they get money to pimp out their sweet ass Honda? A job? Nah fam.

Adding to the list of things that make Tiffany about as likeable as a hemorrhoid during anal is the fact that she posts stuff like this on Facebook:

Excuse me while I smash my face into a brick wall.

And as if getting your apartment raided for drugs isn’t bad enough, Santos thought it would be a phenomenal idea to let detectives know that he’s a straight G when it comes to selling dope. What’s a felony narcotics charge if you don’t have the street cred to go along with it?

 That’s a Lawrence retirement package right there! 7 kilos would be enough for Santos to pack up the kids and Princess Dermal and move on up like George and Weezie straight to the Pelham side of Methuen. Unfortunately he’ll have to wait until he’s done serving time because his charges carry a MINIMUM of 12 years if convicted.  Bummer, bro.

Now most sane individuals with a partially functioning brain and smidge of moral compass would agree that selling heroin and cocaine makes you a lowlife. Then there’s Jeff.

Jeff is a special kind of stupid. He seems to think that Santos is a pretty stand-up dude who doesn’t deserve to be called a scab on society because heroin addicts are the real problem when it comes to the drug game. You know what’s worse than drug dealers? People who neglect “there” kids… Keeping massive quantities of narcotics in a household with three young children isn’t neglectful at all, right?

It’s cool Jeff, we don’t want you here anyway.