All-Star Criminals

Lawrence Trap-King Busted With 500 Grams Of Cocaine And Heroin- Keeps It 100 By Bragging About It To Detectives

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Lawrence PD raided the apartment of Santos Figueroa this week and seized 300 grams of heroin and 200 grams of cocaine in one swoop. Mr. Figueroa (AKA bootleg Snoop-Dogg) has been slinging drugs on Farnham Street and sold to a “confidential source” from the DEA on two separate occasions before LPD was able to get a search warrant for his apartment on Wednesday.


After setting up a third drug deal on Thursday, police arrested Santos when he was on his way to sell more heroin. When they got to his apartment they found a shitload of drugs and his wifey’s three young kids running amok with a “friends mother” babysitting.


Somewhere Charlie Sheens mouth is watering.

OF COURSE there were 3 kids living in an apartment with a half kilo of drugs scattered about because no Lawtown triple decker is complete without some fentanyl in the kitchen next to the Pop-Tarts and Tampico. Seriously, look at this golden palace:


For those of you who aren’t familiar with the area, Farnham Street is a little slice of heaven located between S. Union Street and Shawsheen park and there are actual trees so this is prime 978 real estate.



Oh yeah, lets not forget about the Kindergarten that’s a block over.


I don’t know about you, but this neighborhood makes me want to grab a beach chair and a tropical drink because it’s a regular concrete paradise.

My man Santos is no stranger to getting arrested for being ghetto fabulous (and apparently crime is a family affair in the Figueroa family)








Look at this semi-beard smackrat:



Then there’s his ratchet debutante:



.3 tiff

I’m sure Tiffany Dorazio had nooooo idea that thousands of dollars worth of drugs were being flipped out of her house.


Just kidding.

As long as Tiffany has endless funds for jumbo sized hoop earrings and shopping sprees at Allante Fashions she doesn’t ask any questions. Lord knows she doesn’t want to go back to boosting jewelry and making weekly runs to Cash For Gold in order to buy cartons of Newports next door at Paysaver.


Plus where would they get money to pimp out their sweet ass Honda? A job? Nah fam.


Adding to the list of things that make Tiffany about as likeable as a hemorrhoid during anal is the fact that she posts stuff like this on Facebook:


Excuse me while I smash my face into a brick wall.


And as if getting your apartment raided for drugs isn’t bad enough, Santos thought it would be a phenomenal idea to let detectives know that he’s a straight G when it comes to selling dope. What’s a felony narcotics charge if you don’t have the street cred to go along with it?

duh That’s a Lawrence retirement package right there! 7 kilos would be enough for Santos to pack up the kids and Princess Dermal and move on up like George and Weezie straight to the Pelham side of Methuen. Unfortunately he’ll have to wait until he’s done serving time because his charges carry a MINIMUM of 12 years if convicted.  Bummer, bro.

Now most sane individuals with a partially functioning brain and smidge of moral compass would agree that selling heroin and cocaine makes you a lowlife. Then there’s Jeff.


Jeff is a special kind of stupid. He seems to think that Santos is a pretty stand-up dude who doesn’t deserve to be called a scab on society because heroin addicts are the real problem when it comes to the drug game. You know what’s worse than drug dealers? People who neglect “there” kids… Keeping massive quantities of narcotics in a household with three young children isn’t neglectful at all, right?


It’s cool Jeff, we don’t want you here anyway.


27 Comment(s)
  • The Executioner
    April 25, 2017 at 11:30 am

    Where do you get those flat-brimmed hats with the Bulls on them? I want to buy stock in that cap maker since it seems almost impossible to keep them on the shelves…who needs shark tank? I see a winner when I see one and I’m ready to retire.

  • S.R.R
    April 23, 2017 at 10:32 pm

    Wow! What a special couple, definitely a match forged in the fire’s of Hell. May they rot and burn together. Sadly this couple prey’s upon the weakest members of society and fentanly is the “special ingredient” that kills people! It never ceases to amaze me how addict’s will in trust their lives to a waste of space, piece of crawling human waste with a 6th grade education to provide them with “safe” drugs! These two are a special kind of hood rat nasty because they have an innocent child they are exposing to all of this filth. I lost a brother to this addiction and I can’t excuse his part, he went to numerous Rehabilitation facilities and meetings but still returned to buy poison from shit bags like these two. They should be incarcerated for life we can rest assured they have helped murder someone’s family member! And they are safer in prison. God may have mercy on them but I will Not !

  • J-G8man N3wburY
    April 23, 2017 at 9:49 pm

    This entire incident is eerily reminiscent of my days as a safety constable up in the Merrimack Valley. I retired in disgrace unfortunately but as a safety professional I went toe to toe with many a dangerous freakazoid. Once while sitting behind the sergeant’s desk, dreaming of promotions and glory, I looked up and saw a walk-in crap-face coming forward, staggering like a fool, vodka bottle in hand. “Halt and show ID,” I said, but he didn’t heed me and he took a swig of his drink before spitting it directly into my face. “To hell with you, fatso,” he said. My blood boiling and my face jiggling, I screamed, “What, you DRINKING BEFORE COMING IN?” He just stared, dumbfounded, as I drew my 9mm handgun and leveled it at his face. He turned and ran, but sadly the town selectman heard about what I did and I was unceremoniously fired. My fat face still quivers just thinking of it to this day. The point is, these crap bag ratchets should be put down like the maggots they are.

  • Turd Burglestein
    April 23, 2017 at 5:26 pm


  • Wabbitt
    April 23, 2017 at 3:13 pm

    Only thing missing was the free my boi and the 100 emojis. Then Jeff would have been a ratchet superstar.

  • Jeff
    April 23, 2017 at 12:41 pm

    I wish to say thanks to all my fans and thank you for my current popularity

    April 23, 2017 at 12:09 pm

    At a time that marijuana is decrimilized. There are proposals to decrimilized all drugs.
    There is no question that drugs has destroy communities. But when president’s and many Congressman’s receive 10s of thousands from opiate makers in a country that is 5% of the world’s population but takes 1st place with 95% of the world’s “legal” opiate sales; I then have questions.
    There was prohibition and now the Government allows but taxes for the sale of alcohol. Then there is gambling where dozens were put into prison for while the government sells $30 a piece scratch tickets and where politicians talk about more casinos for revenue. Now there is Marijuana where the govt has a plan to charge a 23% accumulated tax on its sale.

    So the question is, WHY DOES THE GOVERNMENT HAVE THE RIGHT TO PUSH 95% OF THE WORLD’S OPIATES ONTO THE CITIZENS but when an obviously very economically poor latino guy that you see here tbs is talking about 12 yrs in prison for him.

    We as a nation have been filling our prisons well over their max at $47,000 a year cost per inmate.

    So at 12 yrs that is $564,000. And this is just the beginning because upon leaving this man will be less productive then when he went into prison. His kids will have no father. The wife will spend all her money on visiting her husband for 12 yrs. So the kids when looked at actually are doing the toughest time. So then it becomes a high probability that selling drugs could become generational.

    Lock em up and throw away the key is the WORST plan that exists.

    Here is a stat. In Massachusetts if an inmate earns a college degree the recidivism rate is 0%.

    I am currently promoting a criminal reform program here in mass. The recidivism is very low at 15% for those who complete the program in full. So it takes $1 of cost and brings $4 in benefit.

    We need smarter thinking. JOBS NOT JAILS is the way forward. This will bring safer communities and will widen the tax base. It is a win win.

    • Ghandi
      April 23, 2017 at 12:24 pm

      Bullets not jail. Like you these scum have no place in our society.

    • Agent Smith
      April 23, 2017 at 3:12 pm

      You know what’s a win-win? Kill yourself you fat fucking Irish prick cocksucker. Andy McDonough gets to haunt you for eternity while you are smoking a turd in Hell for murder, and the rest of us don’t have you thieving our oxygen. Scumbag assblaster

    • The Executioner
      April 25, 2017 at 11:28 am

      Is an Irish Billy Club the same as a golf club? It is a well-known fact that many Irish people that run for political office are former thugs from Erin…or Fitchburg.

    • The Executioner
      April 25, 2017 at 2:03 pm

      We need smarter town commons with multiple gallows poles for Sunday high noon entertainment, not jails and prisons. If that was the case we would not have to read the blabbering of KEVIN LYNCH who is a LEGEND in his own mind. I bet he even has his name engraved on his gold club next to the notches for every hole in one.

  • Chip Striker
    April 23, 2017 at 12:03 pm

    Get this piece of shit out of my country!!

    Get all of these Central American rats that have polluted our cities and towns out of here. Time to drain the swamp.

      April 23, 2017 at 12:30 pm

      For one he is puerto rican. So that means if he was born here or puerto Rico he is AUTOMATICALLY a citizen of the US which means it is HIS country. There are thousands of puerto rican individuals who have served in our military so when a bullet hits them in war time it has the same effect as it has on a person who migrated here from Europe.

      When the Irish came over to America they received welfare, lived in squala where there was no running plumbing. Signs of Irish need not apply. Labels placed on us such as the “paddy” wagon, the “billy” club that was traditionally used to smash Irishmen. The Irish formed mobs and some became politicians.

      The point is that all nationalities been through rises in crime, struggle and despair. We need to unite not divide just because an individual is of latino descent.

      I read a thing about what a guy labeled “latino loterry” where people sue for being injured in a car accident. The thing that gets me is that for decades the average civil action award averaged $10,000 a person. Mostly white people brought civil action 30 yrs ago. Now the award is $3,000. But if you get injured the same as say a wealthy person , that person receives $50,000 plus while the other economically poor folk receive $3,000.

      • Wabbitt
        April 23, 2017 at 3:21 pm

        I see Kevin the Kreeper has returned to grace us with his rambling, off topic idiocy.

        Hey Kevin – bludgeon anyone to death with a golf club lately?

        • Kerri Bishop
          April 24, 2017 at 12:09 am

          at least he figured out how to turn off the Caps lock! Small victories

      • Madcow not Rachel
        April 24, 2017 at 8:51 am

        “When the Irish came over to America they received welfare,”

        Who’s dick are you smokin………????????

        “while the other economically poor folk receive $3,000.”

        Makes a HUGE difference if you actually have a license & registration …..and the Toyota’s NOT stolen.

      • The Executioner
        April 25, 2017 at 11:28 am

        Is an Irish Billy Club the same as a golf club? It is a well-known fact that many Irish people that run for political office are former thugs from Erin…or Fitchburg.

    • davidm
      April 25, 2017 at 1:54 pm

      I’m sure the native americans would also love to see your ass out of their lands aswell. most of those Central American Rats have native dna, you dont. Back to Europe please.

      • The Executioner
        April 25, 2017 at 2:00 pm

        Most of the native dna had been exterminated, that’s the problem. To follow your logic, if ALL of the native DNA had been eliminated, we wouldn’t have all these Puerto Rican and Latino hoodrats, now would we?

  • Madcow not Rachel
    April 23, 2017 at 11:50 am

    Geez………….. he doesn’t look like a Turd Burglar…………… BAAAAAAAAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    Gotta Luv dem Feg Latino’s…………..

  • Chip Striker
    April 23, 2017 at 11:24 am

    Lawrence is just another town ruined by these scumbags. What a shithole.

  • Whitney Gann
    April 23, 2017 at 11:03 am

    I don’t know why I started getting links to this website but I just blew a couple hours going through the archives. I ran across a phrase recently that I think may apply to the writers here… “weaponized autism”. I mean that in the most complementary way possible.

    • True Reality Speaks
      True Reality Speaks
      April 23, 2017 at 11:54 am

      Making fun of people with autism?

      You’re a special kind of lowlife. And I mean that in the most specific way possible.

      • OK!
        April 23, 2017 at 2:03 pm

        “Weaponized Autism” is an expression referring to the impressive capabilities of socially awkward, tech-savvy internet users, typically associated with those who frequent imageboards like 4chan and 8chan.

      • Whitney Gann
        April 23, 2017 at 7:40 pm

        Sorry. It’s not what I meant at all. The antifa guy that hit someone in the head with a bike lock at Berkeley was found by intensive internet sleuthing by the guys at 4chan. They referred to their efforts as weaponized autism. I know they are justifiable proud of themselves. No offense meant on my part.

    • Wabbitt
      April 23, 2017 at 3:16 pm

      No, weaponized autism is tracking aircraft routes and bird migration to triangulate the location of a flag. This is just old fashioned stupidity.

  • ICE
    April 23, 2017 at 9:30 am

    Government assistance to the max on this one. Figure in the law enforcement, jury, jail, etc. costs too. It’s though the roof.

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