All-Star Criminals

Manbun Moses Who Robbed The Same Webster Convenience Store Twice In A Week Has Come Quite A Long Way From When I Used To Catch Him Smoking In The Bathroom


Pro tip – if you’re gonna rob convenience stores with notes that say you have a gun in order to fuel your drug habit, you should always make sure to avoid robbing the same store in a short period of time. Kyle Brinkley from Webster did not follow this advice.

Man bun.

Nuff said.

The Webster Police Department’s Facebook page is like alumni newsletter for me since I used to teach in next door Dudley, and 90% of our problems came from the part of Dudley right by the French River that separates the two towns. Seeing Kyle Brinkley’s face on the WPD’s wall of shame is probably the least surprising turn of events ever, since he was a shithead in high school and appears to still be a shithead today. I used to catch kids smoking in the bathroom all the time and bust their balls (I taught before vaping was a thing). Most of them could admit when they were caught and respected the fact that if I did catch them they had to own up to it. But Kyle used to always give me shit, walked around the hallways with his pants down to his knees, and thought I’d be impressed by his suburban hardo routine.

Doesn’t look like he ever graduated based on the chirping he directed at the superintendent.

Being featured on Turtleboy after getting arrested by the Webster Police apparently runs in the family too, since his big bro Jared made his debut on Turtleboy in 2016 when both he and his ginger girlfriend were arrested for DUI in the same car on the same night after they tried to pull a Chinese fire drill after crashing.

Screen Shot 2016-02-19 at 11.06.08 AM

Who needs a yearbook when you’ve got the Webster Police Facebook page?


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40 Comment(s)
  • Julie the Jarhead
    September 12, 2020 at 7:58 am

    Pro tip – If you are a former teacher who “left” the school system where you taught, you may want to avoid reminding people that you were a teacher at the school system you “left.”.

  • libtardosis is a serious mental health issue.
    September 11, 2020 at 2:35 pm

    First off…Kyle

  • Jon Tudor
    September 11, 2020 at 11:37 am

    Zoom in on the girl on the right ( blue dress) in that twitter photo. Wow she has some huge sweater puppies !!!

  • It’s me
    September 11, 2020 at 10:52 am

    Long live shepherd hill

  • randiguy2006
    September 11, 2020 at 9:25 am

    Looks like you had a real positive influence on him.

    Nice work.

  • New boot goofin'
    September 11, 2020 at 9:21 am

    How did his ears heal?

  • D
    September 11, 2020 at 7:05 am

    he lives 350ft away from the 7/11 he robbed twice lol

  • Guinea Geisha
    September 11, 2020 at 12:35 am

    Imagine the disappointment if you were a wolf and found out that some of your descendents are chihuahuas. I imagine this kid’s grampy feels the very same way everytime he sees the twat-knot growing out of this kid’s head.

    • Heywood Jablome
      September 11, 2020 at 8:55 am

      Twat knot. Lol,

  • Bob
    September 10, 2020 at 11:44 pm

    “Manbun” = oxymoron. See also “man-purse”.

  • Mr. Bubba
    September 10, 2020 at 11:31 pm

    a .28 at 21 years old and was actually able to stand for a mugshot? I’m not even mad. That’s amazing.

  • Disco Inferno
    September 10, 2020 at 8:50 pm

    This is the best neighborhood stickup story since former Detroit Piston Reggie Harding pulled on a mask and robbed his local liquor store. Cops were waiting for him at home, ‘because there weren’t many suspects 7 feet tall.

  • Captain Trips
    Bubba in Cell #9
    September 10, 2020 at 8:01 pm

    I like dudes with those large gauge earlobe holes.

    My favorite thing to do when they’s arrives in the can is to repeatedly punch them in the mouth til every tooth is out, then I’se put my index fingers through them earlobe holes and pull dat face right in baby! WHHHEWW!!

    Dat what I b talkin bout!

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    September 10, 2020 at 7:56 pm

    They should let him go, tell them the security is completely off at that store, and then wait for him there with firepower. Three’s a charm!

  • whatevuh
    September 10, 2020 at 7:10 pm

    That’s not a man-bun it’s a douche-knot

  • The French Connection
    September 10, 2020 at 7:07 pm

    “90% of our problems came from the part of Dudley right by the French River ”

    It must be something in the water.

    “l’eau est contaminée.”

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    September 10, 2020 at 6:50 pm

    Kyle is gorgeous! Ze is a beautiful Trans! Hir hair is just fantastic!

  • Boston Irish
    Boston Irish
    September 10, 2020 at 6:12 pm

    Suburban faggots. Wiggers make me sick

  • North of the Border
    September 10, 2020 at 5:49 pm

    That’s not a manbun, that’s a saddlehorn for his boyfriend.

  • micksmercantile
    Wastefield Bartender
    September 10, 2020 at 5:32 pm

    Be careful Unc, master man-bun dumbass may become “upsessed” with you.

  • Diego
    September 10, 2020 at 5:28 pm

    He robbed the same store TWICE in a week? Jesus, no wonder he didn’t graduate….what a dope.

  • Translation
    September 10, 2020 at 5:27 pm

    Kyle asked Mr. Kear-ney something he couldn’t answer in history class. If it’s deeper knowledge than what’s in an 11th grade text book, Mr. Kear-ney doesn’t know it.

    • D' Amelio- Curtatone
      September 10, 2020 at 6:18 pm

      But yet, here you are. Reading everything he puts out…

      • And...
        September 10, 2020 at 8:00 pm

        …he is probably watching gay porn in another tab too!

  • Calm WhiteDad
    September 10, 2020 at 5:19 pm

    The parents of these losers are clearly to blame here.

    Having one child that is a degenerate wigger could be a bad seed fluke. It happens. Having 2 is a clear sign of parental failings.

    Might as well right up the obit for the impending fentanyl overdose.

    He was just turning his life around and got caught up with the wrong crowd. Blah blah

  • Uncle Frank
    September 10, 2020 at 5:17 pm

    He summed up my assumptions fairly accurately of what someone named Kyle would look like after I saw his photo. Parents need to think 30-40 years into the future and realize that certain baby names aren’t exactly going to help their offspring become movers and shakers…

  • The logical Libertarian
    September 10, 2020 at 4:55 pm

    Hey Kyle Brinkley, your high school classmates laugh at you and your family. You’re the punchline when any of them get together. They hear or say your name and everyone thinks LOSER. That’s the bad news. The good news is you’re in your early 20’s. Get your shit together. Get off the drugs, get a job, go back to school, and make something of yourself. Maybe in 25 years they will all talk about how you turned your life around and became a productive member of society. You won’t though. You’ll be a regular on the Turtleboy blogs for the next 30 years and you’ll be wondering how you ended up where you did, while everyone else is living well.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Old Tom Morris
    September 10, 2020 at 4:49 pm

    This guy is so cool, I’m totally upsessed.

  • Basement Daddy
    September 10, 2020 at 4:41 pm

    Wow, creepy disgraced teacher stalking prior students? Turtle Boiiii investigates and finds himself important and the only real journalism around. Fucking gaaaaaayyy! Asking for your kids, “Daddy when are you coming out of the basement?”

    • How do you get stalking?
      September 10, 2020 at 8:04 pm

      This little asshole got his name in the paper from committing a crime, how is Unc stalking him?

      And when you get busted for soliciting sex from a truck driver at a rest stop, we’ll read about you too.

  • Not movin' on up!
    September 10, 2020 at 4:38 pm

    Backward baseball cap is a douche look, I don’t care if you are Kevin Smith.

    Man bun is hardly an upgrade!

  • I'll say one thing for this family
    September 10, 2020 at 4:29 pm

    They are happy to have their mugshots taken!

  • What Great Kids. They’ve Come So Far
    September 10, 2020 at 4:12 pm

    Mom and Dad must be so proud. All those nights helping with homework. Studying for tests. Its all paid off. Good job Mom and Dad. Said nobody ever.

  • D.B. Cooper
    September 10, 2020 at 4:04 pm

    Jesus H. Christ. Nowhere America internet tough guy wigger.
    Fucking skinny little faggot won’t last long if he ever steps out of the Webster badlands. On an upbeat note, he has a promising future sucking dick and getting assblasted in some MCI real soon.
    You got a pretty mouth there Kyle Fuckin Brinkley.

  • Judge dread
    September 10, 2020 at 4:01 pm

    .28 on the breathalyzer. Nice. I wonder if they blood tested him at the station? I’m sure he was on some uppers or some shit.

  • Stalking Former Students!
    September 10, 2020 at 3:55 pm

    So now you’re stalking guys from when you used to be a degenerate history teacher! What, given up on the girls, you perv?

    what ever happened to that blog of yours from about 6 months ago when you went after a former female student? Took it down rather fast! What, you realized you shouldn’t have done so?

    • If I may
      September 10, 2020 at 4:30 pm

      What column were you featured in?

  • The Spic Tormentor
    Spic Tormentor
    September 10, 2020 at 3:38 pm

    Getting robbed by some scrawny faggot with a man bun is beyond emasculating. Then again so is working the overnights at 7/11

    • Boo Hoo
      September 10, 2020 at 4:15 pm

      Well the cashier was female sooo…

      • The Spic Tormentor
        Spic Tormentor
        September 10, 2020 at 4:46 pm

        That doesn’t change anything. Even a chick should be able to work a queer with a man bun.

        Plus gender is a social construct so youre a bigot.

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