The West Springfield put up a post today looking for two skags who stole $160 worth of booze from what appears to be a Costco.

Looks like someone was living their breast life.

I don’t know who these women are, but odds are that more than one person owes each of them child support, because the kind of chuds who get access to their tuna tunnels would rather invest their hard earned shwagg proceeds into flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hats and the newest pair of Jordan’s. I for one am SHOCKED that they weren’t taking Hennessy. If you’re covered in tittoos and stealing liquor from Costco you probably drink Henny for breakfast. That’s just science.

The first place I’d look at is the Magic Latern or Mardi Gras, during the day shift of course. Those clams are way too rugged to work anything but the lunch buffet. The cops figured out who they were in just a couple of hours, as evidently these two are really famous in hoodbooger circles for claiming to be ballers.

The thieves evidently taken down their Facebook pages after one of them was called out by a local MENSA candidate named Jasmine who accused her of being a “RAT HOE,” who tried to blame it all on her friend.

“Bitch as you can see I don’t have shit. I don’t steal, I just be with people.”

Based on her mastery of the English language I think it’s also safe to assume that these poon pinatas live in Springfield.

Turns out they do. Meet Lexi Lopez (blonde in the back)

and Victoria Scala from Springfield.

Here they are rocking out to their favorite song – “freak nasty ho’s.” (front right and backseat)

Victoria is pregnant with Lexi’s brother’s baby, so of course she’s stealing liquor from Costco. What else would she be doing?

Did I mention they also robbed the same Costco on June 26? Here’s Victoria and Lexi and some local moose trying unsuccessfully to sit a bottle of grey goose in their purse, before returning for a bottle of patron silver.

The fact that she couldn’t just put the tip in there explains why she’s pregnant in the first place.

Victoria also might be the worst criminal of all time, and it’s far from her first shoplifting incident. Like that time she tried running over a security guard at the Natick Mall with her car in order to save her friend who had been caught stealing, only to see that friend get into the car, abandon her, and drive it away after Victoria got out to fight for her honor.

The lawyer for a Springfield woman accused of assaulting a Macy’s security guard and committing an unarmed robbery on Friday was just trying to defend a friend. Victoria N. Scala, 19, saw her friend being grabbed by a woman in plain clothes and did not realize she was a store security guard trying to stop an alleged shoplifter, Scala’s lawyer, Michael Brennan, said Monday during her Natick District Court arraignment.

“She sees one of her friends being grabbed by a stranger and she tries to help,” Brennan said.

Macy’s security had followed two women from the store into the parking garage after watching them steal sunglasses, prosecutor Megan Fitzgerald said. While security was escorting one of them back to the store, Scala “pointed her vehicle at the loss prevention officer and drove straight toward her. She had to jump out of the way.”

Scala got out of her car and knocked a loss prevention officer to the ground after hitting him with a bag full of clothing. She continued hitting him until other loss prevention officers stepped in, Fitzgerald said. While that was happening, the two alleged shoplifters got into the car and drove away, leaving Scala.

They’ve deactivated their most recent Facebook pages, but we’d be honored to have them on the live show any time to share their side of the story.

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