All-Star Criminals

Methfaced Titty Blob And Grundlejuicer Wife Arrested In Sutton For Driving Around In Rape Van With 3 Year Old While Making Crack Cocaine And Inhaling Propane

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Lake 940:  On Tuesday July 24th, just after 6PM, Sutton Police stopped a 1994 Ford van on Putnam Hill Road for a motor vehicle violation and ended up finding more than they expected. Police say that during the investigation there was a strong odor of gas inside the vehicle.  A propane bottle connected to a portable burner was turned on inside the vehicle.  Police suspect the pair was actively processing powder cocaine into crack cocaine at the time of the stop. As a result of the traffic stop, Christopher and Jamie Coal of 22 Charles Street in Douglas were arrested for several drug offenses, including trafficking cocaine and manufacturing a class B substance.

The couple’s 3 year old daughter, who was also a passenger in the van, was turned over to the custody of The Department of Children and Families. The Coals were both held overnight at the Sutton Police Department on $10,000 cash bail each. Christopher Coal was also cited for driving an unregistered and uninsured motor vehicle without a license.


As you can tell from that mugshot, Tits Thompson is clearly remorseful about jeoparizing the life of his three year old daughter.

Bro, do you even sell crack cocaine? Is this your first time doing this? Could you not wait until you go back to Douglas to turn powdered cocaine into crack cocaine? Or do you just enjoy forcing a three year old to consume toxic fumes while you drive along Sutton’s back roads?

Oh, and here’s a tip – if you’re gonna drive your rape van in a small town like Sutton while actively making crack cocaine around a 3 year old, make sure to obey all traffic laws. It’s probably the time when you should be most focused on maintaining the speed limit, using proper turn signals, and hands at 10 and 2. Because guess what? If they don’t pull you over then you get to keep the stash, sell it to a bunch of crackheads in Webster and Woonsocket, and you get to go on being a ratchet DCF parent without actual DCF involvement.

But they got caught, because the only good thing about criminals is that they are inherently stupid. So they almost always do something that ends up with them ending up on Turtleboy.

Meanwhile on Titty Thiompson’s Facebook page….

You know you might have a crack cocaine problem when the doll from the horror film has more teeth than you. Guess his company’s dental plan isn’t all it’s “cracked” up to be.

WAKA WAKA WAKA!!

This looks normal too….

Oh I can guess that one! It’s crack cocaine!!

My question is, how did these two crack muffins end up in Douglas? They take a wrong turn at Webduh Lake or something? Douglas is for taxpayers. Everyone knows that.

11 Comment(s)
  • Pissed off
    July 27, 2018 at 7:19 am

    I don’t know if turning over the child to DCF will keep it safe. This child was an ACTIVE case already but SW ‘s over looked AGAIN .

    • bigdaddy
      July 27, 2018 at 9:48 am

      DCF= Devals cluster fuck

  • bigdaddy
    July 27, 2018 at 7:05 am

    Their daughter was separated from them after the arrest so I assume all the SJW will be protesting soon

  • just great
    July 26, 2018 at 11:14 pm

    No child endangerment charges?

  • Nino Brown
    July 26, 2018 at 8:45 pm

    By the looks if manboobs McGee, they aren’t turning a profit. Bet he cooks a personal batch before stepping all over the rest with that Inositol and cooking up the precise amount to cover the overhead.

  • Captain Trips
    July 26, 2018 at 6:56 pm

    Someone should hook his fat ass to a fishing boat, go where the sharks are, cut his arms and legs, and let him flap around a little before meal time

    • Too Tall Tim
      July 30, 2018 at 2:15 am

      Well, that would be one way to repel sharks.

  • bigdaddy
    July 26, 2018 at 3:26 pm

    What did he do with all the Money he made selling Crack?
    Please Circle One Answer
    A. Gave it to his Dentist
    B. Gave it to Planet Fitness
    C. Purchased more Dope. Alcohol and Big Macs
    D. Donated it to Charity
    If you picked “C” you are Correct!- Please move on to the next section.

  • Y
    July 26, 2018 at 2:53 pm

    • z
      July 27, 2018 at 6:44 am

      Good lord, I thought they were huffing propane to get high.

      Personally, I never got past huffing spray paint.

      • z
        July 27, 2018 at 6:49 am

        Oops. The above was supposed to be a general comment.

        For some unknown reason I attributed that quote to Mayor Ray Nagine of New Orleans.

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