All-Star Criminals

Methwaffle Called Cyber Crimes On Turtleboy, Tweeted At Trump To Help Him, Threatened To Murder Girlfriend’s Baby Daddy And Is Now Back In Jail

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Update on this guy:

The Florida Methwaffle became a Facebook sensation after people blindly believed his staged video at a Tampa courthouse, claiming that no one was doing anything about his girlfriend’s baby daddy for raping their kid who she has no custody of.

Well, he tried and tried and tried to get someone to hand over this little girl to her junkbox mother. And when that failed her turned to the one man in America who could fix all his problems……

Trump.

Notice he did not address him as “Mr. President.” The Methwaffle and the POTUS go way back, so he starts off his messages to him with “Hey Trump.”

This is just so amazing I can’t stop laughing. I’m not being figurative either. We literally could not stop laughing while discussing it on Turtleboy Live last night:

Just the thought of Donald Trump, right after the State of the Union, dropping everything to go to some junkpump’s Facebook page to watch his rambling video about a girl he doesn’t know allegedly being raped by her father. Sometimes this stuff writes itself.

He also was tweeting at us to let us know that we were in deep trouble for our blog about him:

Uhoh, cyber crimes division is coming for us!!! If Trump gets wind of this Jeff Sessions is gonna be all up in our ass too.

Then he once again took to Facebook Live to announce how many people he was suing, all the IP addresses he was tracking, and a bunch of other stuff that makes TONS of sense:

Well, when Trump and all those lawyers never got back to him he finally reached his breaking point. And he thought it would be wise to go on Facebook and explicitly state that he was going to murder the child’s father in cold blood, not once, not twice, but three times:

Just in case he thought that we thought he was kidding the first two times, “I’m going to kill Kyle John Cutlip.” He even used his middle name just in case the message wasn’t clear enough. Personally I got my money on the veteran over the methwaffle, but stranger things have happened.

Here’s the problem though – you can’t do that. If he had just been vague about it, or maybe just done it once, he might’ve been able to get away with it. But yea, stating in clear English three times that you’re going to murder someone, especially when you’re a career criminal sex offender on a Facebook vigilante mission, will end up with this:

When your name is “Grady Judd,” you’re pretty much born to be a Sheriff somewhere in Florida. That’s just science. And I know nothing about Grady Judd, but I just kind of assume he doesn’t fuck around with shitheads like this. Turns out Grady Judd is everything I dreamed he would be and more:

Safe to say this isn’t the last we’ve heard from the Florida Methwaffle. He’ll get a court appointed attorney who will urge him to stay off social media once he’s bailed out. But we all know he’ll just double down with some more video and even more insane threats and accusations.

Can’t wait!!

(Insert witty turtle pun here.)
18 Comment(s)
  • Hugh Jass
    February 5, 2018 at 8:18 am

    DeDe Delgado is tougher than all you internet tough guys… poseurs. She took down the vaunted TBS FB biz plan without even working up a sweat. And she has kept it down. You go, grrrl!

    • DeDe works up a sweat eating potato chips.
      February 6, 2018 at 12:56 am

      Who you kidding?

  • Fuck New England
    February 5, 2018 at 6:02 am

    Just wanted to tell you all the line to suck my Philly Dick starts way back over there.
    Also, Don’t forget to pay your bookies faggots, I’m getting paid today!

  • Jojo
    February 4, 2018 at 11:52 pm

    How do I join the CIA, the Confidential Informant Agency? This is a clear case of someone who thinks they have some intellect, but in reality they are the definition of moron. Being that dumb is the real crime, especially when you make a video.

    Grady Judd for president!

  • Bret Killoran
    February 4, 2018 at 5:31 pm

    If your ever feeling frisky Brian Albrecht make your way to Worcester. I’ll pound you into the ground like the dick stain you are and then I’ll Nigger whip you with my man pony tail!

  • Brian Albrecht
    February 4, 2018 at 12:50 pm

    Yeah, you turbos get hardo thinking about me in a miniskirt licking an oversized lollipop. I set up serious real estate in my head about Bret Killoran. We live together and Bret paddles me while I call him Daddy. I love being a homo. Try it Bret baby, it only hurts once.

    • Bret
      February 4, 2018 at 3:13 pm

      ……nah

  • Uncle Randy
    February 4, 2018 at 12:21 pm

    Big Jake wants to get stuffed out.

  • Savage Squaw Bitch
    February 4, 2018 at 11:51 am

    Grady Judd is my fuckin’ hero.

  • Brian Albrecht
    February 4, 2018 at 10:20 am

    I’m Brian Albrecht, and I’m reminding everyone that it’s Black History Month, so if you do a random act of kindness I will force you to fuck me right in the ass. I’ll be at the Ramrod tonight waiting for Worcester hardos. Toodle oo.

    #FISTWITME
    #Gaymouth
    #MandingoGetsMeHorny
    #IBeatOffToWWEWrestling

    • Brian Albrecht
      February 4, 2018 at 11:11 am

      Wow what a fucking loser, pretending to be me lol. Nothing better to do huh. You fucking sidewinders probably yell my name while you minute man your obese plagued girlfriends. fucking turbos. BRIAN ALBRECHT…BRIAN ALBRECHT…BRIAN ALBRECHT. Than you blow a load thinking of me, fucking sick pieces of shit. IM just setting up shop on prime real estate right in your little stupid heads.

      • Stephon
        February 4, 2018 at 11:57 am

        Brian, if you beat so much ass, how come no google trophies? Must have at least gotten a disorderly or something. You must be the most stealthy serial assaulter in Mass too or just actually never done shit to anyone. Stop wearing my shirt too, you’re cursing the team. Go route for my old team since your fake toughness will fit right in there and you can throw all of your used anal dildos on the field.

        • Brian Albrecht
          February 4, 2018 at 12:02 pm

          LOL no google trophys…Yeah keep looking. Been to dedham more than i can count.

          • Stephon
            February 4, 2018 at 12:30 pm

            Shit, forgot to check the sex offender registry.

          • Bevin Smynch
            February 4, 2018 at 12:33 pm

            The only ass that’s getting beat is his, by my little man meat. You all need to keep your paws off my bottom! I’ve laid claim on this little bitch boy.

          • Gay Tom
            February 4, 2018 at 12:40 pm

            Hey Bri how’s it going? Where in Worcester are you at bro? Do you live close to Clark?
            Tom

          • Pretty Girl
            February 4, 2018 at 1:14 pm

            Brian I was just wondering if you have a Facebook or Snapchat? I’m kinda curious to see what you look like. I am a woman and I’m not trying to be disrespectful

        • Stephon
          February 4, 2018 at 12:43 pm

          Shoplifting from Kohls to feed that disease? Who shoplifts from Kohls? I know you wanted another Pats replica that was not mine. Maybe if you started working instead of sitting in the TB blog section making fake tough guy threats you’d be able tonactually buy one. What a fucken loser. How come you didn’t kick the shit out of loss prevention? The Cops? I know that woman that stopped you at the door was 5’6″ 150 which is a little bigger than you are confident you can handle but I’m disappointed.

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