All-Star Criminals

Nosejob Ned Arrested For Driving 142 MPH In New Hampshire While Wearing Mid Life Crisis Jacket During Heat Wave To Get Back To Jersey  

 

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Some dipshit was arrested in New Hampshire this weekend for driving 142 mph.

The real crime here is that anyone would want to get back to Jersey that fast. The only reason to ever drive 142 mph is if you’re trying to get out of New Jersey. Send him back!!

Also, it’s a thousand degrees outside. Why is mid life crisis Mikey wearing a black members only jacket? Probably the same reason he’s driving 142 mph in a Jeep – they think it makes us moister than September in Seattle. Just no.

If we’re being completely honest, this was not the face I was expecting. I think most of us imagined a 22 year old named Shane with a bad pubestache. Instead you got a smiling nosejob doctor.

Opening up a nosejob shop in New Jersey is like being a door to door goya salesman in Lawrence. Business has to be booming.

Watch out ladies, according to his website he also does facials.

Eat your heart out.

 

 

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65 Comment(s)
  • How he got here
    July 26, 2019 at 9:07 pm

    Every chick looking to get a break on a nose job is blowing this guy and it went to his head. It happens.

  • GoodyGoodyGUMDrops
    July 22, 2019 at 9:38 pm

    Looks like he’s part beaver! He can turn eating corn on the cob into a felonious assault with a deadly weapon! I can see why he never became a dentist or a gynecologist! His wife’s pussy must be made of iron into to withstand him eating her out!

  • You dont say?
    July 22, 2019 at 11:59 am

    Somebody was speeding in NH?

    YOU WONT HEAR ABOUT THIS ON MAINSTREAM MEDIA!!!!!

    Thank god for TB.

    MAGA!

    • Wwy
      July 22, 2019 at 5:22 pm

      This guy is smart nose jobs in a big jewish area he must make a fortune.

  • JP
    July 22, 2019 at 11:20 am

    It’s a freakin Trackhawk model. That’s what it’s meant for. Who wouldn’t want to open that up after shelling out 90k for the car?????

    • deflateddoritodinks
      July 22, 2019 at 11:56 am

      That’s why I quit buying BMW’s. There’s so much traffic you never can get it up to speed.

  • Z
    July 22, 2019 at 9:46 am

    I’m a massive douche

  • R
    July 22, 2019 at 1:40 am

    Typical Moishe

  • cuck schumer
    July 21, 2019 at 10:00 pm

    hey liz wanna do anal?

  • Liawatha
    July 21, 2019 at 9:12 pm

    Fuckn’ Cawk Sucka!

    • Liawatha
      July 21, 2019 at 9:18 pm

      I apologize. One too many Chardonnays this evening.

  • Ted Baxter
    July 21, 2019 at 8:53 pm

    New Hampshire, where the state police actually patrol for the safety of the citizens. Not so much in Mass.

    • Reality in Assachusettes
      July 21, 2019 at 11:16 pm

      seven are getting paid while one actually may still be awake and on the job

  • Arrogant lane changing Douche
    July 21, 2019 at 8:26 pm

    Hey, at least he was burning down the open road. Nothing worse than an arrogant douche who keeps changing lanes in slow moving bumper to bumper traffic. Amazingly we all get to the same place at about the same time.

    • Y
      July 21, 2019 at 9:09 pm

      Or worse, a douche running from the police in the inner city hitting and killing an innocent child.

  • Dr. Flywheel
    July 21, 2019 at 8:21 pm

    Doesn’t matter what you’re driving or how much it cost, hit something at 142, you’re dead.

    Hit someone else? They’re dead, too.

  • Mediocrity
    July 21, 2019 at 5:34 pm

    The base 2018 Jeep Grand Cherokee Trackhawk MSRP is $85,900.
    It’s basically a land rocket.

  • Dr Girlfriend
    July 21, 2019 at 4:52 pm

    Despite all of the valid attention on the jacket, let’s note the “deny everything” hat. Let the irony not escape us! Sure, folks might take issue with the questionable worthiness of this being blogged about. Let’s contemplate the repercussions of an otherwise innocuous misjudgment. 142 mph is a whole different animal than the average 70. A slip of a foot, a slight distraction. If you’re making concessions for such reckless behavior than let it be your family on the receiving end of this fools misjudgment.

    • Dick Scratcher
      July 21, 2019 at 6:50 pm

      In the world of Adam Walker, you would really be Dr Therapist.

      As opposed to his boyfriend, Manuel Lucero, who is really Fake Dr TheRapist

      • Dr Girlfriend
        July 21, 2019 at 8:41 pm

        DS, Adam’s needs exceed my purview. Not sure of how things operate in the UK but it’s turned into madness in the States. Animals allowed to run the farm.

        • Y
          July 21, 2019 at 9:06 pm

          Yes, Congress is Congress is full of moronic animals.

          • ncfoothillbilly
            July 22, 2019 at 2:04 am

            Ill take stuttering for $200, Alex…

  • Jordan Belfort
    July 21, 2019 at 3:21 pm

    Must be a slow day for news since you’re doing a story about a doctor getting a speeding ticket

    • E
      July 21, 2019 at 6:23 pm

      And yet you read it and commented about it.

  • Bob M.
    July 21, 2019 at 3:02 pm

    I give him a pass. This guy is an amazing plastic surgeon. He helped cut the tits off my tranny daughter Caroline. She now pretends to be a man and goes by Gabe if any of you are looking to get pegged by her with her strap-on. When she pushed my shit in the first time, it made my eyes bug out of my sockets permanently. Anyway, I’ve got some listening to WEEI to get to.

    • Liawatha
      July 21, 2019 at 9:40 pm

      Such a beautiful trans, Bob. Ze is gorgeous! You must be so proud of hir! Thank you for denying the people of Boston the voice of that right-wing extremist Gerry Callahan. Conservative viewpoints must be quashed.

  • Francis Sidebottom
    July 21, 2019 at 2:44 pm

    Can’t really blame him now can we uncle turtle turd as New Jersey is a much better place than the north east and you blog proves my point

  • Nadia Yenraek
    July 21, 2019 at 2:39 pm

    So…. They arrested him because something coulda gone wrong and he coulda hurt someone, even though nothing went wrong and he didn’t hurt anyone.

    Welcome to Amerika. Papers, please.

    • Dr Girlfriend
      July 21, 2019 at 5:09 pm

      You’re a maroon. Speed limits are calculated accordingly and enforced by law. If one is beyond exceeding limits they should expect to deal with the repercussions of breaking said law. If you’re willing to make allowances then I hope it’s you on the receiving end of a slight distraction.

  • F*U
    July 21, 2019 at 1:55 pm

    After a week in Ogunquit getting butt-ruffed and you are feeling the burn, you just want to put the pedal down before relaxing is a warm sitzbath. Doctor heal thyself.

  • Jefe
    July 21, 2019 at 1:30 pm

    Dude seriously, leave some pussy for the rest of us.

    • Captain Trips
      July 21, 2019 at 1:33 pm

      Agreed. He’s a babe-magnet on steroids

  • Narcanista
    July 21, 2019 at 1:29 pm

    Rhinoplasty is just a stepping stone to doing Vaginoplasty. He’ll be doing Medicare-for-all funded Troonjobs faster than it takes to cross the state of New Hampshire on I-95 in a Jeep!

  • Dr. Fonzarelli
    July 21, 2019 at 1:23 pm

    “Lady, I’m gonna make them nostrils FLARE when you stick your head out of the car window at 145 MPH!”

  • John Ramey
    July 21, 2019 at 12:54 pm

    Dude’s an MD. Probably prescribed himself some oxy and a few fentanyl patches to chew one. Lost track of his speed. No one rushes back to New Jersey except Spartacus.

    • Dr. Joseph
      July 21, 2019 at 1:25 pm

      I did prescribe myself some! But the only pharmacy that would fill it is in Jersey!

  • jasonstark505
    July 21, 2019 at 12:40 pm

    Round up the 20 somethings that are still living with mommy. those are the best ones, because it gives us a glimpse into a very perverted culture.

  • Gash Basher
    July 21, 2019 at 12:14 pm

    That shirt is fire if you’re into fucking boy scouts

  • WTF
    July 21, 2019 at 12:07 pm

    This is some hard hitting edgey reporting. ‘Man get’s speeding ticket in NH!!!!’.
    What’s your next article going to be about? ‘Woman in RI get’s seatbelt infraction ticket!!!’ or ‘Conn person ticketed today for expired inspection sticker!!!!!’.
    With all the shit going on this weekend this is the best you can come up with?
    WTF

    • the hair across your ass
      July 21, 2019 at 12:31 pm

      You’re a retard. It’s a funny post, wasn’t meant to be hard hitting journalism at all and anyone with a brain knows this. Called the guy stupid for speeding, made fun of his jacket and obvious mid life crisis, simply humorous. Lighten up

      • Hank Aaron signed bat stuck up my ass
        July 21, 2019 at 1:28 pm

        Lighten the fuck up! WTF! And call a doctor about that bat stuck up your ass, it’s making you irritable

  • me109g4
    July 21, 2019 at 12:05 pm

    NOT the ideal vehicle to be doing 142 mph in,,,, not much there in the common sense dept.

    • z
      July 21, 2019 at 1:03 pm

      707 HP engine.
      0 – 60 3.3 seconds.
      Tops out at 180 mph.

      This isn’t built for the woods.

    • WeRFucked
      July 21, 2019 at 4:59 pm

      It’s made for speed. The fastest production SUV for under $100k.

      • z
        July 21, 2019 at 5:46 pm

        Pity they haven’t shoved the Dodge Demon 840 HP motor into it.
        I wouldn’t put it past Fiat/Chrysler to do it in the future.

        The Helliphant crate motor will probably never be offered.
        $30K for the motor. $3K for the electronics. But a 1000 HP is pretty cool.
        The motor in the Docs SUV costs $20K from the factory as crate motor.

        Last weekend I was talking to this guy at a car show that stuffed a 215 HP Honda motor in
        a 60s Mini. A car that originally came with 60ish HP.

  • SNL
    July 21, 2019 at 12:00 pm

    He’s from Jersey? I’m from Jersey! What exit?

    • SRT
      July 21, 2019 at 12:31 pm

      To the contrary, it’s literally THE IDEAL vehicle to do 142mph in. It’s a heavy, awd with 707hp and 646 ft lbs of torque with a Max speed of 180mph. Bad ass ride for sure. 90-100k MSRP.

      • It Gets You From A to B
        July 21, 2019 at 2:16 pm

        Oh…..ah…….uh….unnnnn…..don’t stop……I’m almost there……

      • Boris Yeltsin
        July 21, 2019 at 11:22 pm

        I see. DR horsepower. Tough guy.

        Let’s see if he outruns my Sam 14.

  • The angry taint
    July 21, 2019 at 12:00 pm

    members only? ahahahaha this felcher must be the last member standing

  • ncfoothillbilly
    July 21, 2019 at 11:46 am

    Doing 142 and he still couldnt get that stupid jacket to fly off.

  • Rudy Giuliani
    July 21, 2019 at 11:26 am

    SUNY? He went to NY community college?

  • Chris Sununu
    July 21, 2019 at 11:20 am

    Is he accepting new patients? He’s a fucking BAD-ASS, my new hero

  • Captain Trips
    July 21, 2019 at 11:15 am

    He was late for an appointment to get his teeth whitened again

    And what’s with the Goodwill store jacket? Business that bad?

  • Moved to FL
    July 21, 2019 at 11:12 am

    Wow, he beat Tim Murray’s record!

  • Stunt Penis
    July 21, 2019 at 11:11 am

    I’m amazed you could get a jeep up to 142 mph, and remain in control of the vehicle.

    • The angry taint
      July 21, 2019 at 12:01 pm

      It’s a trackhawk edition so they put the dodge demon motor in a gr.cherokee and made a 5k lb missile

    • Magoo
      July 22, 2019 at 7:48 am

      Jeep is capable of 182 miles an hour stock, with hellaphant factory call away option 222mph
      A true American super car.
      130,000$ car that eats Corvettes and Ferraris, farts out porches
      And is very comfortable to drive

      Turtle boy slandering & implying dr is gay, may get very expensive.
      How is this newsworthy?
      He stopped when requested without incident,
      Sounds like petty jealously of another’s success, due to their hard work.

    • Vladivostok Vlad
      July 22, 2019 at 8:33 am

      In Jeep Cherokee or Soviet Union vehicle controls you!

  • Captain Trips
    July 21, 2019 at 11:11 am

    I love the review! Nice job Dr. “Jospeh”!

  • Troubled Nostrils
    July 21, 2019 at 11:10 am

    If I was a doctor, I’d be doing 142 mph in something sportier than a Jeep Grand Cherokee. That tops the jacket faux pas, IMO. C’mon, doc!

    • z
      July 21, 2019 at 1:10 pm

      With the performance that thing has, what would you get?
      He can still haul his crap in it.
      Try that with a Camaro or a Mustang if on a vacation.

      Maybe a G Class MB?
      Alfa Romeo Stelvio? “Only” 505 HP.

    • Y
      July 21, 2019 at 5:19 pm

      • z
        July 21, 2019 at 6:59 pm

        I don’t want either of them. I’m glad they exist. Hennessey can be sketchy in their cars. I wonder if they shoved in a Hellephant motor or did something else.

        • Y
          July 21, 2019 at 9:00 pm

          My brother had the SRT8, and that was a rocket. He said this is much, much faster.
          Personally, I prefer luxury/comfort over speed.

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