All-Star Criminals

Plymouth Poo Popsicle Who Robs Homes On Cape Cod After Finding Out Wake And Funeral Times In The Obituaries Is Here To Lecture You About Privilege

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Take a wild guess what crime this guy just made it onto Turtleboy for:

Did you guess kiddie porn? If so, it’s a good guess. I can understand why most of you probably guessed kiddie porn. But it’s actually just one step down from that…….

Yup. He finds out when your loved ones die, looks up what time the funeral is, and then robs your house while you’re crying your eyes out and saying your goodbyes.

There are assholes, and then there is human garbage. This is what human garbage looks like:

And by the looks of it he can’t even blame it on the “disease.” He’s just an old school piece of shit. Seriously, what kind of depraved lowlife even contemplates this kind of crime? Will Ferrell had more noble intentions when he was crashing funerals to bang chicks.

Oh, and Randy might stalk you and rob your house while you’re grieving, but he’s still here to check your white privilege on Facebook:

He’s also in a fine position to judge Walmart for selling live ammo

And he masquerades around town like a legitimate businessman who will plow your driveway when it snows

No words are really needed her. He’ll got to jail for a little bit, get released, and go right back to this same exact kind of crime. That’s why we blog about it – so you can be on the lookout for this poo popsicle when he gets out again.

13 Comment(s)
  • mizzbigbooty92688
    Lost cause
    February 8, 2019 at 9:16 am

    Woooow Randy you made it on turtleboy for being a shitbag junkie who robs people that are at funerals.. your a fukn winner. I use to work with this junk box and he would continuously walk out of the job to go shoot up and meet his dealer in the parking lot. Then we would have to serve his sweaty hep c infested food to our poor customers. Good luck with that life Randy. I hope you someday pull yourself together for your poor children.

  • doodle
    February 13, 2018 at 8:41 am

    He does have the disease. News said it was for drugs

  • Mary saia
    February 12, 2018 at 10:36 pm

    This scumbag bag has done this so many times and he always claims he addicted to heroin,well bitch you was in jail for 18 months got out and went right back at it. They should lock your ass up and throw away the key, great role model for your children NOT

  • Massguy
    February 12, 2018 at 10:19 pm

    He looks like a greasy smelly Bluto

  • gfldgadfly
    February 12, 2018 at 7:55 pm

    A dirty plow guy? Never saw that one coming. It’s the male ratchet version of I’M A CNA!!!!! I WORK FOR A LIVING! !!

  • Well, No Shit
    February 12, 2018 at 7:13 pm

    Hopefully, he tries to burgle a house that he thinks is empty, only to be met with a .45 slug to the dome by a very-much-at-home gun owner. 

    Fucking scumbag. 

  • Saul T. Baulz
    February 12, 2018 at 7:04 pm

    Hey world. It’s me Gronk! I’m going to Minnesota. Take your time robbing my stuff. My itenerary is on every type of media in the greater Boston area!

  • TJB
    THE JOO.
    February 12, 2018 at 3:33 pm

    Is there anything more despicable than doing this to a grieving family?…. now if someone stayed behind to watch the house and shot this guy…. they would be screaming from the highest trash pile…. actually I knew a family on the north shore this happened to. Only these scumbags knew that the elderly woman was taken to the hospital by ambulance. One of the cops told me there actually scumbags out there that chase ambulances and hit the house after the EMT’s take the person to the hospital.

    • AgingCynic
      February 12, 2018 at 3:49 pm

      While my sister was dying of blood cancer, her husband put in a hypoallergenic HVAC system in hopes of saving her. It didn’t work but while he was visiting her at Dana Farber, the contractor’s assistant looted the house and pawned her wedding ring in Brockton along with all her jewelry. Having a hard time not hoping that he OD’s.

  • 3 Chainz
    February 12, 2018 at 3:26 pm

    Yo why aint they let no niggas in da Whiter O-limpics or China?

    Nuthin make you country better than some black folk sittin on a porch an cockin some colt 45 tall boys.

  • Hugh Jass
    February 12, 2018 at 2:22 pm

    Does anyone know how to get a greased potato out of a rectum? I’m asking for a friend…

    It’s in there pretty deep… It feels like it’s all the way to my, I mean, his stomach…

    I tried tongs, that just pushed it deeper and I can’t bear down and get it to move.

    Should I, umm, he go to the hospital, or will it work its way out?

    • Hugh Jass gets fill'd with Hugh Gecock
      February 12, 2018 at 2:34 pm

      You should probably stop sticking things up your dads bum when he asks you. Obviously he has an unhealthy infatuation with getting fisted but his children.

  • Hugh Jass
    February 12, 2018 at 2:13 pm

    TB, DeDe wants to know why you keep pm-ing her asking for a truce… Snicker.

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