All-Star Criminals

Professional Shitburger Busted Breaking Into Auburn Home, Again, Ride Or Die Girlfriend He Just Cheated On Defends His Honor On Facebook

Professional Shitburger Busted Breaking Into Auburn Home, Again, Ride Or Die Girlfriend He Just Cheated On Defends His Honor On Facebook

4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

Get the newest Turtleboy Sports t-shirt (as seen on the Felger and Mazz show) by clicking the picture above.

Get the newest Turtleboy Sports t-shirt (as seen on the Felger and Mazz show) by clicking the picture above.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.






Time to publicly shame some an asshole……

Screen Shot 2017-04-28 at 2.12.59 PM Screen Shot 2017-04-28 at 2.13.06 PM

These people who break into homes should be stockaded in town square so we can all pelt tomatoes at them. They are the worst. Coming home to a house that’s been broken into makes you feel so violated. You wish the person was right there in front of you so you could punch their stupid face in. But you know deep down inside you’ll never find out who they are because break ins happen all the time.

But now we have a face, and it’s as punchable as ever:

Screen Shot 2017-04-28 at 2.13.20 PM

And I LOVE how the APD posts a picture of him facedown in the victim’s living room. We need more of this from police everywhere. These people need to be shamed. They’re a disease, and they have no intention of ever becoming normal, law abiding citizens. We must know their faces so that we can hurl poo at them if we ever run into them.

Of course this isn’t the first time Chris Katinas has been arrested for breaking into people’s homes. A couple years ago he did the same thing, and was “sentenced” to a year in the house of correction, but never ended up serving dick:

Screen Shot 2017-04-28 at 2.34.34 PM

Awesome judges we have in this state. They honestly believe that the filth and garbage that parades in front of them in their courtrooms on a daily basis is somehow redeemable. Does this face look like it’s capable of redemption?

Screen Shot 2017-04-28 at 2.35.50 PM

Screen Shot 2017-04-28 at 2.19.17 PM

No. That is the face of a professional shitburger. He should be given no breaks, because as we have seen, he is not capable of carrying on as a decent, law abiding human being.

Of course just like any slugrake, he’s always talking about how “life’s going good right now,” because he hasn’t gotten high 48 hours:

Screen Shot 2017-04-28 at 2.25.01 PM

People like Chris Katinas also love to point out to the world that they’ve found God:

Screen Shot 2017-04-28 at 2.25.12 PM

If you see a huge shithead making references to God on their Facebook page, it’s pretty much guaranteed they’re a junkie. God is all they have to fall back on, and they only started believing in God because the wise old man at the AA meeting told them to. Because contrary to what Chris Katinas posted, he most definitely can and will fail, regardless of whether or not God is in his life. That’s because God can’t make personal choices for you, and he can’t stop you from breaking into someone’s house to feed your habits.

And somehow this ding dong managed to find a woman who would allow him to sink his battleship in her Pearl Harbor.

Screen Shot 2017-04-28 at 2.25.49 PM

Now, any normal chick would see pictures like these of her boyfriend splattered on the Auburn PD Facebook page:

Screen Shot 2017-04-28 at 2.13.06 PM

And say, “yea, I’m gonna go ahead and find a different guy to fornicate with.” Not Nikki Fortin though. She’s Christopher’s little slice of Shayanna Jenkins ride-or-die chick:

Screen Shot 2017-04-28 at 2.25.59 PM

Screen Shot 2017-04-28 at 2.30.19 PM

FACTS!!! Because when a trap queen ends a rant by saying “FACTS,” it means everything that preceded it is true. FACTS!!

She’s got a little bit of Gabbi Hebert going on in her Facebook posts:

Screen Shot 2017-04-28 at 2.25.41 PM

Screen Shot 2017-04-28 at 2.30.33 PM

Yup, he “treats her like a Queen” that she is. Queen Hoodbunny the Magnificent. Apparently she made this post because he cheated on her, she felt like the entire relationship was a waste of time, and then she realized she couldn’t live without him. How long they been together anyway?

Screen Shot 2017-04-28 at 2.31.04 PM

Six months!!?? You have no kids with him, you’re not married, you don’t live together, and you can’t break up with him after he cheated on you and got arrested because you’ve been together for all of six freaking months? Oh yea, this chick definitely respects herself. Good thing she allows him around her child. That sounds healthy. Let’s hope a judge with actual common sense decides that for the next 18 months when she seems him it should be in the visiting room of the Worcester County House of Corrections.


We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.

Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM

Screen Shot 2017-02-27 at 10.14.48 AM

Screen Shot 2017-03-31 at 2.17.19 PM


Screen Shot 2017-02-01 at 10.32.58 AM

4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

Screen Shot 2015-12-28 at 1.20.12 PM

Screen Shot 2017-03-25 at 8.48.23 PM

17 Comment(s)
  • itsjustme
    April 29, 2017 at 3:15 pm

    Before I read it I noticed they have only been together for a whole six months. If he’s already cheating on you in the first few months of your relationship he will never stop. When will girls like this start choosing their children over some druggie loser?

  • Matt franklin
    April 29, 2017 at 1:41 pm

    I pray that no one in your family suffers from addiction. People can change. I’m a convicted felon who has turned there life around. To say the things you said about “junkies” is a horrible statemeant. And guess what. God has helped me get my life together. I think you are a terrible human being.

  • Diane Woods emerson
    April 29, 2017 at 7:26 am

    6 months real life translate to like 15 years FB relationship.

  • Sad really
    April 28, 2017 at 6:31 pm

    I had the pleasure of attending high school with Nikki. She is in fact an addict, who lost her baby shortly after she gave birth. Supposedly she gave the baby up for adoption because ya know why bother get your shit together. She can’t keep her gas station attendant jobs to save her life and her mother sells her little brothers adderall to feed her own addictions.

    • Gabby
      April 28, 2017 at 7:08 pm

      If you’re going to write a story at least be accurate. He never cheated on her. She did not give her baby up for adoption. Yes the baby was taken due to addiction but she is now clean and so was Chris. And lastly her mother does not sell anything. She takes care of her 14 year old grandchild so try again. Anything else you wanna talk shit about? Because if you’re going to do it at least be fucking accurate.

      • Accuracy?
        April 28, 2017 at 8:06 pm

        How is this for accuracy? I wish the homeowner had a gun and blew this shitstain’s brains all over their wall for violating their safespace, aka home. Fuck the junkies, fuck the dealers, and fuck the welfare abusers. Fuck you too for defending these assholes.

        • CakeEGoodness
          April 29, 2017 at 1:25 pm

          I want to hump your leg for making that comment! (No homo- I’m a heterosexual, XX chromosome bearer, lacking danglemeat/plenty sweatermeat) So tired of scumbags who do nothing w/ their lives besides being sponges, leeches & thieves! Forget pelting robbers/home invaders w/ tomatoes; pelt them with grenades instead & lets rid ourselves of the sorts that treat welfare as a family business to be passed on from 1 generation to the next on top of having to use taxpayer money to pay for their bi-yearly rehab stints.

  • Claire
    April 28, 2017 at 4:44 pm

    She’s a real cutie

    • CrazyAunt
      April 28, 2017 at 10:05 pm

      ikr and sadly i know this chick. i have for long time

  • Mark D
    April 28, 2017 at 4:01 pm

    what happened to the blog about the family of fucknuts from revere?

  • JoeMomma
    April 28, 2017 at 3:40 pm

    This is Massachusetts, we have no judges with common sense

    • Turbo
      April 28, 2017 at 8:30 pm

      You noticed!

      • Harry and Lloyd
        April 28, 2017 at 8:36 pm

        He’ll be off to the silly “drug court” where they do less than regular court (where they do nothing). Then they have a “graduation ” party and give them cake and ice cream. I shit you not- you can’t make this up!

    • Rightwinger
      April 28, 2017 at 8:35 pm

      Hey clueless, Do you really think that it works differently in other parts of the Country? Not a Mass only issue!

      • First Time Caller
        April 29, 2017 at 11:03 am

        Right winger, like the state of Arkansas that had a marathon death row cleanup?
        You’re the clueless one

        • Realist
          April 29, 2017 at 4:34 pm

          Arkansas? Backward ass shithole! Ever been there?

          • Pam
            April 30, 2017 at 5:23 pm

            Troll, time for bed.

Comment on this Post


White Trash Hero Wears T-Shirt With His Mugshot On It From Last Time He Was Arrested At Latest Mugshot Photoshoot
Tsarnaev Sister Threatened Boyfriend’s Ex With A Bomb Because She’s A Muslim Terrorist And A Tsarnaev And This Is What They Do Best
Ladies Night At TBSports: Will Women Read Our Official Rankings Of NFL Teams Blog?