All-Star Criminals

Putnam Town Boozebunny Wears “Hold My Beer And Watch This” Shirt In Epic DUI Mugshot And Has Hilarious Facebook Page That Is So Connecticut Corridor It Hurts

Putnam Town Boozebunny Wears “Hold My Beer And Watch This” Shirt In Epic DUI Mugshot And Has Hilarious Facebook Page That Is So Connecticut Corridor It Hurts

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More epic debauchery out of the vast wasteland now known as the Connecticut Corridor:

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Only in Putnam man, only in Putnam.

Or Danielson.

Or Moosup.

Or North Grosvenordale.

Hey, here’s a thought – if you’re driving an unregistered and uninsured vehicle, try not to get too plastered and drive into a stone wall. Also, if possible, avoid wearing the “Holy my beer and watch this” t-shirt while doing so. Because more than likely the police officer who responds to that call will not hold your Keystone Light Busch Light while you mumble through the lush alphabet and fail to walk in a straight line.

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Just sayin.

As funny as his shirt is, it’s still scary that people like this are on the roads. Luckily the only victim here was that poor stone wall, and the cop who got stuck with the paperwork. Of course the only reason this guy was caught was because he crashed. And the only reason he crashed was because he was shitcanned. Otherwise he could’ve lived the degenerate American dream and drive around in an uninsured, unregistered vehicle until it eventually shit the bed and was traded in for scrap metal.

Anyway, Harry Wootton’s Facebook page is everything you dreamed it would be. It’s so Connecticut Corridor it hurts. He obviously likes to party:


He’s apparently auditioning for Duck Dynasty:

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Even though he lives in a northern state, one from which thousands and thousands of men his age died while fighting traitors from the south, he still proudly supports this armed terrorist group of losers who surrendered after General Sherman stuck his boot up their assholes:

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He’s right. You’ve never met a mother fucker who wore a “Hold my beer and watch this” shirt for a DUI mugshot, that’s for sure.

Harry’s passions seem to include the confederacy, whiskey, and being white:

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But yet he also likes the stars and stripes, which is kind of awkward because the confederacy declared war on the United States of America:

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Oh, I see. As long as you say “fuck Islam” while waving the stars and stripes your hypocrisy will be forgiven. I get it now.

And one time Harry made it into the Norwich Bulletin while rocking overalls and a pony tail while having a dance party with his backwoods butt buddies:


But as friends and family pointed out, it was good to see him in a section of the newspaper that was NOT the police logs for once:

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7 Comment(s)
  • Zephyr Cat
    April 10, 2017 at 2:52 pm

    I’d love to sniff Jo Ringer’s panties

  • Shawn Silvia
    April 10, 2017 at 2:33 pm

    Why are they traitors because they seceded? Is the USA like the Bloods and Crips? If you try to get out they kill you?

    He who wins the wars writes the history books, its fun to say the Civil War was fought over slavery but there is a lot more to it.

    • Lightbulb
      April 10, 2017 at 2:51 pm

      They didn’t secede. They tried to.
      The South said “Cash me ousside, how bou dat”.
      The North said ok.

  • April 10, 2017 at 1:55 pm

    i generally enjoy reading Turtleboy Sports but if you think the 13 stars on the Confederate Battle Flag represent traitors how about the 13 on the “Betsy Ross Flag”? how about Lincoln being pen pals with Karl Marx?(only a slight exaggeration)anyway don’t put your historical ignorance on display,please

    • Linda
      April 10, 2017 at 2:20 pm

      The 13 on the BR flag represent traitors? Traitors to whom? The King of England? Poppycock!! The 13 were a new nation. They left England and started their own country (after taking it from the Indians however but that’s another story) rather than fight the tyranny in their own land. Then the King decided to send his army here to whip them back into submission. How’d that work out?

    • Lincolntf
      April 10, 2017 at 2:22 pm

      Mike, that’s more than a bit of an exaggeration. Marx and his Party Committee sent a congratulatory letter to Abraham Lincoln at the close of the Civil War, Lincoln never replied. The US Ambassador sent a pro forma, “Yeah, we got your letter, how nice.” response.

    • Gas Pipe
      April 10, 2017 at 2:52 pm

      Hey Mike, Pick up a book once in a while. Where did you go to school, with that dummy Harold above? 13 stars represent the original 13 colonies.


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