Hoodrat Heroes

Rizzy The Wigtacular Billerica Rapper Got Arrested In Wilmington For Breaking Into Cars With His Backup Dancer Derek A Month After Getting Married And Divorced 

 

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Who remembers these spunk dumplings?

 

Can you believe it’s been four months since we’ve last heard from Rizzy, the up and coming Billerica rapper? After blogging about his hilarious video shot in a school parking lot and filled with Bud Light, tramp stamps, and broken dreams, Rizzy decided to take down his hit single “Did it on my own.” We haven’t heard why, and quite frankly we’d love to have him back on to explain, because his first appearance on the live show was epic, and I was so excited to be the guest host that night.

If you’re wondering what Rizzy’s been up to over the last four months, the answer is, he got married to the snail trail in the video with him at the Somerville VFW, they got divorced a month later, and he’s still begging for people to buy tickets to his latest rap show.

According to him the only reason he got married in the first place was because she was insecure and he figured that getting hitched at the VFW would fix that.

That and the allegedly fake miscarriage.

He ain’t no sucka.

Think about that for a second.

More time for ho’s at the Red Roof Inn now.

Well, Rizzy is back on Turtleboy again because he’s been working on his street cred for his next album:

Chief Joseph Desmond announced today that two men have been arrested as a result of an investigation in to a string of car breaks earlier this month. On August 3, 2019, the Wilmington Police Department launched an investigation after six residents reported that their cars had been entered and items were taken during the overnight hours. During the course of the investigation, Detectives identified two suspects: Derek J. Koster, 23, of Wilmington; and Ryan J. Runyan, 24, of Billerica. Both Koster and Runyan have been arrested. Both men are being charged with:

  • Breaking & Entering in the Nighttime To Commit A Felony (6 counts)

  • Larceny Greater Than $1200 (1 count)

  • Larceny Less Than $1200 (3 counts)

  • Attempted Larceny (2 counts)

In addition, Koster will be charged with one count each of Receiving Stolen Property, Possession of a Stun Gun, and Improper Storage of a Stun Gun. Koster turned himself in at the Wilmington Police Department yesterday and was arraigned at Woburn District Court. Runyan will be arraigned later today after turning himself in to police this morning.

You know things are going well and you’re on top of the rap game when you’re breaking into cars in Wilmington with your boy who is also your backup dancer in your rap video that you took off of YouTube out of pure embarrassment. If his partner in crime Derek Koster sounds familiar that’s because he used to post all over the TBNews page with links to such reputable websites as “Turtleboy Sporks.”

What can I say? The man has life by the balls.

You may recognize him as Groupie #4 with the Bud Light on his dick in the background.

Keep in mind, the night that the cars were broken into he was trying to get someone to buy his $12 tickets.

Looks like sales didn’t go as planned so he had to come up with a creative way to pay the money he now owed for the unsold tickets.

Hit us up when you get out the can Rizzy. We’d love to have you back on the Live show.

 

 

 

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32 Comment(s)
  • Attorney Chesterfield
    September 4, 2019 at 11:38 am

    Ryan didn’t take the video down there was a issue with copyright regarding the instrumental used YouTube an others became aware of this after you helped him reach 30K + views in a week, just wanted to also put out there that the Wilmington mass. police department are the most pathetic police force around the towns dead low crime they have nothing to do and have targeted these two for a long time with no results and the crime took place in the area of one of there homes and they were immeditaly brought up as the first suspects, There is no real evidence if you actually took the time to look into it, But innocent until proven guilty also just curious if They are found not guilty and Acquitted of these charges will you be removing this article? For someone who’s all about free speech and rights you’d think there would be some appreciation of innocent until proven guilty give these guys a fair shake your making them out to look guilty before there day in court

  • Just Sayin
    August 30, 2019 at 10:01 am

    I’m lost…. First off, I need an interpreter for all this mumbo jumbo street slang garbage on this post. Secondly, I thought Rizz The Jizz Guzzlah didn’t need any free promo, well aside from his new Google trophy anyway.
    Oh, and by the way, I might not be able to reach the bottom of a tuna can with my dick, but I’ll blow out the sides….

  • Ryans Auntie
    August 29, 2019 at 10:32 pm

    Thats Right jacalyn! I slapped your smug smirk off your tainted face …and im still here!!

  • Shirley
    August 29, 2019 at 1:27 pm

    Did the Russian Chicks crotch clear up yet? On her video debut it looked ready to bleed out?

  • Turd Reversalist
    August 29, 2019 at 12:15 am

    A good stabbing of the stinkstar is in order for the lovely young divorcee that Cryan Grundlemunch is fapping to in his bunk at night, at least when there isn’t a chapter of NOI dumping spunk down his gullet like a bunch of drunk rednecks around a spittoon.
    I can make her feel special. The crying is the first step to a better life, trust me.
    I am, after all, a professional.

  • TortugaNiño
    August 28, 2019 at 4:38 pm

    Wait… “is this real life!?!”

  • The Common Man
    August 28, 2019 at 11:32 am

    Why is everyone doggin’ on Rizzy for breaking into cars? Didn’t you listen to the song? No one is throwing this guy a bone, he has to do it on his own. That includes breaking into cars. There is nothing that makes you look less tough than being a white kid dressed as a rapper. Especially if your Irish, you especially look like a loser when you’re dressed for hip hop. I would do his ex wife though. Of course I’m not a dick so I wouldn’t her require to do a music video, id take her to Papa Ginos, a movie and then a romp in the sack.

  • Relaxin Jackson
    August 28, 2019 at 1:35 am

    Lmao what information does this have other than how to roll a joint

  • Jizz Rag
    August 27, 2019 at 8:40 pm

    Bad ass gangsta out rummaging through people’s cars in the middle of the night. What a joke.

  • MrSmiley
    August 27, 2019 at 8:37 pm

    Wasn’t tattooface mcfaggot supposed to get the “hitters” on you? Tough to find good help I guess.

  • juror seven esq.
    August 27, 2019 at 5:31 pm

    Information is power! Right that Rizzy! The Wilmington police had the info on the break ins and your number came in. That gave the police the Power to hook you. Sorry Rizzy this isn’t a catch and release incident.

  • Her Dad
    August 27, 2019 at 4:41 pm

    I watched their porn video. She’s like fucking a corpse and probably smells like one too

    • zzzzz
      August 28, 2019 at 2:24 pm

      Link or it didn’t happen lol Drop the link asking for a friend

  • Game On! Flame On!
    August 27, 2019 at 4:35 pm

    If he makes another video out in an empty parking lot, can someone disguise a flamethrower as a camera and just rid us of these underachievers?

    • Rick Dalton
      August 27, 2019 at 10:49 pm

      I’m your huckleberry

      • TortugaNiño
        August 28, 2019 at 4:33 pm

        *begins slow clap

  • Captain Trips
    August 27, 2019 at 4:33 pm

    I’d do the brunette on the bed, but only with a 3 mil thickness Husky contractor bag condom on my jones

    • Do You Wish You Had Your Thug Pug's Micro-Penis
      August 27, 2019 at 7:28 pm

      Nice. So you’ll be protected AND increase the diameter of your needle dick 3x. Good thinking.

      • Andrea is wet
        August 27, 2019 at 9:16 pm

        you’re my hero even though you’re probably a homo

    • ANGRY GIANT
      August 28, 2019 at 7:01 am

      you’re going to want to double up or triple up on that thickness of that latex. Look at that bed! Think of your safety, and think of the parasites with mandibles that are in that bed……

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    August 27, 2019 at 4:27 pm

    LMAO! Can you send the tatted bitch my way? Old Rizzy is eating the Jizzy now

    • Ryan
      August 27, 2019 at 4:37 pm

      Why so you can eat my house of many cums out her ass.

      • Allah board
        August 27, 2019 at 6:48 pm

        Your house of many cums? You mean your house of limp dicks and broken dreams…

        • Steve Levine
          August 27, 2019 at 11:03 pm

          No he means house of many cums and if you are lucky and wear a dog collar she may let you taste the nectar of the God out her ass.

      • Two Patch Crappy Jack
        August 28, 2019 at 8:28 am

        No . So I can beat the shit outta you like when we were kids fuckhead….

        • Ryan
          August 28, 2019 at 10:49 am

          You can have my left overs just like when we were kids. Cant even get your own pussy still.

          • Two Patch Crappy Jack
            August 28, 2019 at 10:55 am

            Still hanging on your front steps like you got the world by the balls? Ahhhhh the thug life’s treating you well.. lolol I’ll slap you around all over again.. remember when your auntie had to stick up for you?? Good times

  • Girth Brooks
    August 27, 2019 at 4:20 pm

    Oh yeah, I remember those chicks! I’d still fuck them both sideways. While sitting indian-style. You heard that.

    • Ryan
      August 28, 2019 at 3:44 pm

      I remember auntie bitch slapping you and you rolling up in the fetal position screaming no mas no mas. It was priceless watching you cry like a bitch

      • Two Patch Crappy Jack
        August 28, 2019 at 4:24 pm

        You got nothing… I own you. Nice try though…

        • Ryan
          August 28, 2019 at 6:19 pm

          You cried like a bitch. You owned the pavement with your faggot face.

        • Ryan
          August 28, 2019 at 11:42 pm

          I owned your mom anally. Go ask her she loved it.

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