All-Star Criminals

Shitfaced Wilbraham Meatwagon Hits Guy On Motorcycle, Tells Cops She’s Filming Them, Defends Her Honor On Chicopee Police Facebook Page

Shitfaced Wilbraham Meatwagon Hits Guy On Motorcycle, Tells Cops She’s Filming Them, Defends Her Honor On Chicopee Police Facebook Page

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Check out this meatwagon from Wilbraham who tried to pull a cop block and ended up becoming Turtleboy famous:

You know what the most surprising part about this story is? She was out of the bar at 8:30. This chick might as well have “last call” tattooed on her forehead:

That’s the face right there. That’s the face every guy in America has seen at 1:35 at the Blarney Stone when they start flicking the lights. It’s the face every guy in America has asked themselves, “Am I drunk enough to justify waking up next to that? Have I had enough Jameson that I’m willing to look past the permanent Newport Light breath?” We’ve all been there before. Settle for this or go home alone. This is how people like Kelsey survive. By being the last chick at the bar.

Anyway, she’s also a humungous piece of shit. If you hit a guy on a motorcycle and your first instinct is to tell the cops you’re recording them, you are a chudstain of epic proportions. For all you know the guy is dead. She said she was the motorcycle “flying.” Apparently she’s not aware that motorcycles do not have wings, so if you see one of them flying, it means you did something bad. And if your first instinct is not to help the human being you just hit with your car, but rather to try to become cop block famous, you’re gonna be the town monorail by age 30.

Oh, and what kind of bootleg alcoholic drinks half a nip bottle? Seriously, I can’t imagine a situation in which I’d ever be around a half full nip bottle. They come in small bottles because you’re supposed to consume them in one sitting. You take a nip bottle, pour it into a cup, mix some shit in it, and the next thing you know people like you are suddenly a 6.5.

Anyway, a normal human being would stay far, far away from an embarrassing mugshot of themselves on a city PD’s Facebook page. Not this meatwagon though. First she started snitching on her friends whose house she was at prior to running over a dude on a motorcycle:

Then she started going nuts on the Chicopee Police, calling them liars, and claiming that they were not in fact charging her like they claimed. Unfortunately she has deactivated her Facebook page, so that comment is gone until she comes out of her hole in 4-5 days. For now we did get the Chicopee PD’s response to her though:

Yea, maybe you should triple check!! FACTS!!! Obviously this chick, who clearly has her life together, knows more about this than the cops who arrested and processed her.

She did have winners like this defending her though:

Oh yea, Kelsey is the victim here. Heaven forbid she be “embarrassed” by her “mistake.” It’s not like she purposely chose to get behind the wheel of a car with an open container. She didn’t do anything wrong. I’d much rather be hit with a car on a bike then have my mugshot posted on Facebook.

Hey here’s a thought Kelsey – your stupid friend might actually learn something from a good ol’ fashioned public shaming. She’s already so ashamed that she deactivated her Facebook. Perhaps she got the message. More police departments need to start doing this. It’s the only way these assholes learn.



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8 Comment(s)
  • marilu
    September 25, 2018 at 2:24 pm

    the two places i’ve lived lol smh

  • SJWHater101
    May 25, 2017 at 8:52 pm

    If I was drunk I’d fuck her. Dirty women, they don’t mess around.

  • Mike Wilk
    May 25, 2017 at 4:57 pm

    Wilbraham finally caught up with the Turtle!
    Nice job Mike Wilk – publicly shame ’em!

  • Mumbles Menino
    May 25, 2017 at 3:55 pm

    Excellent work by the Chicopee Police Department!! I wish more Massachusetts cities and towns were just as transparent with public information.

  • Long Arm of the Law
    May 25, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    Someone should inform her of her right to remain silent. I’m sure she was too drunk to remember the Miranda delivered to her after the crash.

  • Mystressovmayhem
    May 25, 2017 at 12:38 pm

    In the words of Attorney Fletcher Reed: “STOP BREAKING THE LAW ASSHOLE!” If you can’t do the time. don’t do the crime! Easy peazy lemon squeezy!

  • Party Randy
    May 25, 2017 at 10:58 am

    I could definitely see myself getting shit faced enough to go home with this wildebeest at the end of a depressing, drunken night.

  • Kevins 9 Iron
    Kevi bashed in my skull
    May 25, 2017 at 10:14 am

    Getting in a car after a few although wrong is one thing, but purposely opening a nip while driving is the move of an asshole.

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