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Top 20 Most Triggering Microaggression Towns And Cities In Massachusetts

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Was reading this article from the Yale Daily News today, and it really got me thinking. There is a dorm there called Calhoun, named after the former Southern Senator John C. Calhoun. However, since he was a slave owner students have demanded that the name of the dorm be changed. When Yale announced that they would not be doing so the student social justice warriors were inadvertently triggered as their internal safe spaces were violated. They’re really freaking out over it, which got Turtleboy thinking about all the triggering microagressions we see on a daily basis. In particular there are a lot of towns and cities in Massachusetts with deeply offensive names that need to be changed immediately. Here are the Top 20 Most Triggering Microaggression Massachusetts Towns And Cities


20. Dalton

Daltonism is the scientific name for “color-blind.” And as we have all been taught by social justice warriors, the term “color-blind” is extremely racist. It suggests that you do not consider race when judging and evaluating people, which would be fine if we were all equal. But as you know, white, cisgendered men are the root of all evil, so it’s racist to put people on an equal playing field.

New name: Lisadyerland



As you know, Prince died the other day. When I see Princeton on a map it makes me want to cry and I feel unsafe.

New Name: Beyonceton


18. Boylston

It’s transphobic to call a boy, a boy. We do not know what gender they are until they tell us later on in their life. It is a microaggression to assume gender is based on a penis.

New Name: Genderfluidston



17. Chicopee 

Do NOT call me a chick. That’s sexist and promotes rape culture.

New name: Lenadunhampton



16. Orange

Orange is the new black because orange is what you wear when you go to jail. This promotes the school to prison pipeline which is inherently racist and offensive towards people of color.

New Name: Paroleford

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15. Whitman

Sounds too much like “white man.” White men trigger hurt feelings because every white man who has ever existed is responsible for slavery, sexism, and heteropatriarchy.

New name: White Privilegeville

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14. Richmond

It’s classist to be rich. Wealth is evil. If you have something that I want, that makes me feel sad and triggers my butthurt. Not fair.

New name: Redistributionland



13. Walpole/Waltham

Donald Trump wants to build a wall, so walls in and of themselves are therefore racist and make me feel unsafe.

New Name: Openborderston


12. Topsfield

If you’re at the top, then you probably got there because of all your privileges. Since most social justice warriors like myself are at the bottom and struggling just to survive every day, just seeing this town triggers our hurt feelings.

New name: Everyonegetstrophytown


11. Mendon

Mendon is offensive to women, non-binary, transgenders, and gender non-conforming social justice warriors. It reminds me of the men’s room, which in and of itself is transphobic.

New name: Transgenderland

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10. Littleton

This name triggers “fat” or “non-healthy conforming” people, by pointing out the difference in our physical mass. It glamorizes individuals who choose to maintain lifestyles in which they are able to navigate through Walmart without a motorized scooter.

New name: Plussizeford


9. Harvard

Harvard is the poster child college for cisheteroableistpatriarchy. They are selective about how people can get in, which means that many people don’t get in, which in turn hurts their feelings and triggers butthurt.

New Name: Quinsig



8. Fairhaven

This town’s name implies that life is somehow fair. It’s not. The 1% of cisgendered white male scum who control this country have unfair advantages.

New name: Nofairhaven


7. Winchendon/Winchester/Windsor/Winthrop

Winning is a triggering word because it implies that one person is better than another. This is why it’s important to give everyone a trophy. Because in life there are no winners unless we can all be winners.

New Name: Trophyfield



6. Peru

When white people appropriate other cultures, this can cause hurt feelings by members of those cultures. Peru is a Spanish speaking country in Latin America, not a boondock white town in the Berkshires.

New name: Canada


5. Gardner

Gardner is offensive towards Mexicans because so many people associate migrant workers with landscaping and gardening. This is potentially triggering because Mexicans can be successful in any career they pursue.

New name: Astronautborough


4. Sandwich

This is very triggering for the millions of people who don’t have enough to eat at night because they traded in their EBT points for some scratch tickets. Meanwhile in Cape Cod they have more sandwiches than they know what to do with.

New name: Foodstampston



3. Aquinnah

Up until 1997 this small town on Martha’s Vineyard was called “Gay Head.” Then it was changed to Aquinnah right after the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy came into effect. Gee, I wonder why? Homophobic much?

New name: NoH8

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2. Freetown

No one in America is truly “free” except for cisgendered, heterosexual, white males. This is why we need to continue to blockade highways with other hippies and make a federal case out of everything. It’s demeaning and patriarchal to insist that all people are somehow “free.” Everyone is literally a slave except for cishetero white men.

New name: Whitedevilbury


1. Cummington

Even though both men and women are capable of…..ya know… almost always do it first. Because all men are misognyists who put their own selfish desires of climaxing before that of a woman.

New name: Clitorisburg



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20 Comment(s)
  • Fatfingr Lou
    April 30, 2016 at 5:42 pm

    I think “Sandwich” should be ne changed to “Soup” or maybe “Soup Sandwich” to have empathy for the opiate-challenged.

  • Boss Tweed
    April 30, 2016 at 8:41 am

    You forgot Barney Franks favorite town!!!!!!!!!

    Entering Dennis.

    • Myles Long
      April 30, 2016 at 3:46 pm

      Barney’s WHAT??!!

  • BobnMic
    April 30, 2016 at 1:01 am

    Fucking Triggering Microaggression amongst our widdle yutes in college. Bla bla bla. Are you fucking kidding me? Did the umbilical cord ever get cut from these Gen Xers and Millennium little nothings?

  • Tudor turtle
    April 29, 2016 at 11:05 pm

    How about colrain. The place looks so depressing, they should change the name to purplerain.

  • WormtownorBust
    April 29, 2016 at 11:02 pm

    This blog triggered me. Anyone have the name of a good internet lawyer?

  • Deb Mc
    April 29, 2016 at 10:46 pm

    Brilliant Turtle. I think we should all live Clitorisburg.

    • fordsnharleys
      April 30, 2016 at 10:45 am

      It will be all women because men can’t find it.

  • John Wick
    April 29, 2016 at 7:30 pm

    New law- MGL 867.5309sec a. – Henceforth, assault and battery committed towards all persons claimed or claiming to be a “social justice warrior” (henceforth SJW) shall be immune to prosecution, both civil and criminal. Said SJW shall receive no compensation for damages, nor be entitled to any recourse against the assailant.

    Every one of these assclowns is a complete pussy. Since bullying was effectively outlawed, nobody is allowed to stuff these fools in lockers anymore, thus enabling them to think their opinions matter. A solid straight, delivered directly to the nose should fix their entitled behavior.

    • April 29, 2016 at 7:40 pm

      Most of them are too fat to fit in a locker these days. You either have to give them a swirly in the bathroom or throw them in a dumpster.

      • FiestyLawyerLady
        April 29, 2016 at 8:16 pm

        I typed “bathroom swirly” in google…. Glad I was never bullied.

        • ProfessorM
          April 29, 2016 at 8:31 pm

          Wait, wait…. You didn’t know what a bathroom swirley was??? Bwahahahahaha….. Deep breath…… Bwhahahahaha….
          You didn’t have any older brothers or sisters, huh?

          • FiestyLawyerLady
            April 29, 2016 at 9:14 pm

            I have 2 brothers! One younger and one older. We did normal sibling things like punch each other in the face! He pulled my hair during fights while I but his arms like a hungry dog.

            Ya know… sibling rivarly!!

          • FiestyLawyerLady
            April 29, 2016 at 9:16 pm

            Bit* his arms lol. We laugh about it now as adults, but we hated each other as kids!!

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      April 29, 2016 at 8:13 pm

      Sounds legit to me!

  • Chris From Georgia
    April 29, 2016 at 5:33 pm

    Great way to start the weekend with a good laugh!!!!

    April 29, 2016 at 4:44 pm

    You forgot Belchertown. Every time I see it or go into it I laugh so hard I pee. So, because I have a penis to pee with. It just has to be wrong

  • Kid Heroin
    April 29, 2016 at 4:14 pm

    Phillipston, because his name was Metacom whom the cisgender bigots named King Phillip.

    Ashburnham, because it is a reminder of the racist firebombing of Japanese cities in WWII.

    Bolton, because of John.

    Newton, because Sir Isaac was lilly white and stole the black man’s physics.

    Every town could be a trigger to these SJWs.

    • Saul
      April 29, 2016 at 8:41 pm

      #14. Richmond is of course home to the “Sweet P Farm”, owned by Devil Patrick. HE’S Sweet P! Gross.

    • Rip
      April 29, 2016 at 8:44 pm

      Athol. That’s where Peter Falk lives. Falk in Athol!

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