Smiles And Sunshine

Triggered SJW’s Are Losing Their Minds That Turtleboy Was Voted Best Local News Source In Worcester Magazine’s Best Of Worcester Poll

Triggered SJW’s Are Losing Their Minds That Turtleboy Was Voted Best Local News Source In Worcester Magazine’s Best Of Worcester Poll

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A lot of butthurts like to whine about Turtleboy being “fake news” and things of that nature. They tell us that “real news” comes from places like Worcester Magazine, the Telegram and Gazette, and the Boston Globe, who a year ago wrote a doomsday edition of their paper that predicted the world blowing up in 100 days if Donald Trump became President.

Well, Worcester Magazine has released their “Best of Worcester County” winners, and the people have spoken for who they believe is the best source of local real news:

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Runner up, Turtlegram and Gazette. I’m gonna get that tattooed on my ass. One day my grandkids are gonna ask what the Turtlegram was, because obviously it’s not gonna be around for much longer, and I will point to my ass and show them how the people soundly rejected them in favor of Turtleboy Sports.

So I’m not sure where WoMag is having their awards ceremony this year, but since Bret moved to Maine, we need to come up with someone new to accept the award for us. Except this time we want someone REALLY ratchet. How awesome would it be if the Fall River Guttermuppet accepted the award for us? I dunno, I’m just thinking out loud. If you have any ideas about who should accept the award for us, let us know.

And the Turtleboy Sports Revolution pretty much dominated everything else too. Long time Turtleboy partner Smokestack Urban Barbecue was voted best BBQ:

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Long time advertisers Wormtown Brewery won best brewery:

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The People’s Councilor and the finest, most well respected defense attorney around took 1-2 in the best lawyer voting:

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And of course the People’s Councilor, Mike Gaffney, won best City Councilor, leaving well known social justice warrior Kate Toomey and the rest of the Tuesday night turd patrol in his dust.

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But not everyone is pleased about this outcome, and their tears are delicious. A local rapey looking man named Corey Davis, who has his regular Facebook page, as well as his alter ego “Chris Setaro,” has been trying to stop the revolution for years now. He has failed massively, which is why you might see him in the comments making fun of the way your children look, using the Chris Setaro alias. But this is him:

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And as you can see, you should keep this man far, far away from your children at all times.

Anyway, Corey Davis sent us this hilarious post from a friend of his, as if it was a bad thing:

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Yup, this right here is the face of everyone who hates Turtleboy Sports:



We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again – everyone who likes Turtleboy Sports is hot. You know if you’re reading this right now and enjoying it, chances are you’re at least a Shrewsbury 7. You like what you see in the mirror. If you don’t like it, then you’re probably a Fall River 4 at best. As much as we are proud of the intelligence, wit, and creativity of turtle riders, it’s the fact that they ooze raw sex appeal that we are most proud of. Seriously, check out the comments on our Facebook page. Hottest chicks around and dudes with stunning facial features everywhere you look. Just sayin.

Anyway, here’s a list of all the dumb things she said that were wrong…

  • The Turtlegram is indeed over 100 years old, and hasn’t evolved at all. They employ a guy who calls himself “Old Balls” who they allow to spew delusion on their site for page views. Their columnists are all in their 60’s and won’t retire any time soon since they’ve never gotten a raise and have no pension. The fact that they’re over 100 years old is the reason the people chose us over them.
  • Turtleboy is not “one creepy conservative middle aged white man’s opinions of things like teenage girls and people who live in Webster.” It’s mostly female bloggers sharing their hilarious opinions about guttermuppets and cheesehogs from New Bedford, Peabody, Plymouth, and other lands of splendor and opportunity.
  • Ratchets in Webster who make the “real news” like NECN, and are given a platform to shit on police officers, deserve to be criticized in our blogs.
  • The Turtlegram does not inform people of “events taking place in time in your city.” They didn’t report on the arrest of Vanessa Marcotte’s killer until well after we broke the story, and countless other non-local media outlets reported it first. They purposely ignored groups like Mosaic Cultural Complex because going after them didn’t fit their agenda, despite the fact that they were stealing taxpayer money.
  • The Turtlegram is effectively state-owned media. Dianne Williamson proved that when she showed that she was nothing more than Joe Petty’s coffee bitch by buying into his INSANE lie that it wasn’t him calling protesters “morons” on a hot mic.
  • Alexis Aslanian was an out of control ratchet getting in fights every weekend and yelling racial slurs at cameras. Our expose of her drinking underage at a problematic local bar seems to have curbed her behavior. Turtleboy teaches discipline and honor through public shame.
  • Kevin Blackmer, the cross dresser she references, was in several local news outlets after getting arrested yet again on outstanding warrants. But when they report it it’s “real news.” This makes sense to dumb people like Gretta Prostak.

Anyway, the next time anyone has the audacity to say that Turtleby isn’t real news, remind them that the people of Worcester adamantly disagree, and their votes prove that. And if that doesn’t work just call up Uncle Turtleboy and we’ll show them the tattoo on his ass to prove it.



We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.


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36 Comment(s)
  • Flat Brimmed Turtleboy
    April 21, 2017 at 5:36 pm

    Do you really want to know why Turrtleboy Sports is growing in fame and popularity???
    It’s because all of the hard working people who used to pay attention to these other news outlets are fed up with getting misleading stories. News that fits agendas and fluff pieces.
    The silent majority is sick of gutter muppets and cheesehogs getting away with taking advantage of the system that we support.
    People have taken a system to help people with a hand up and made it into a system of hand outs. That is abused without any regard for the hard working people who support it……..

    Turtleboy Sports, working hard so the other so called “News Agency’s” don’t have too!!!

  • ABCD
    April 21, 2017 at 3:39 pm

    I feel triggered when white people who aren’t from the South say “y’all.”

  • fordsnharleys
    April 21, 2017 at 3:19 pm

    A good news source keeps politicians honest. To some degree Turtleboy has done this. When Boone and Dyer ganged up on Janice Harvey the staff knew who could help.
    Another indicator is the comment section. Turtleboy can have over 200 responses on his Facebook page while the Turtlegram does not come close. I am likening this mysterious person to John Belushi’s character in Continental Divide.

  • Thomas Doubting
    Thomas Doubting
    April 21, 2017 at 1:22 pm

    To get even more people to come over to your side you should send respectable people to accept your award. It’ll help to be taken a bit more seriously. No “ratchets” please.

    • light em up
      April 21, 2017 at 4:06 pm

      Get Petty to accept the award. And he could have Augustus next to him as arm candy.

      • Mayor Pathetic
        April 22, 2017 at 8:48 pm

        Then the next day he can deny he accepted it.

  • Independent Thinker
    April 21, 2017 at 12:28 pm

    Unfortunately there isn’t much left of the Telegram anymore. No more staff reporters covering local news. Just a bunch of tidbits from the AP, many of which are already a few days old by the time they are published.

    Actually, Turtleboy did an outstanding job in helping to identify the Auburn police murderer, along with his alleged accomplices. We all know who they are.

  • Duke Westwood
    April 21, 2017 at 11:28 am

    Gretta wears a ring in her nose, because no one will put one on her finger…

  • Rich A
    April 21, 2017 at 10:27 am

    Richard N. Vulva esq. was robbed in the best attorney category.

  • Maggie the Cat
    April 21, 2017 at 8:49 am

    The Telegram shouldn’t even be in second place. It should be in third place. Second place should have gone to the Worcester section of, because they’re faster with breaking Worcester news. Many of their Worcester reporters came from the Telegram’s layoffs so they know the territory, both figuratively and literally. They know which stories are really important and which are not.

  • President Matt
    April 21, 2017 at 8:19 am

    Congrat’s on another victory for Freedom of the Press over fake news.

  • Do more
    April 21, 2017 at 7:53 am

    This isn’t news… this is a gossip blog at best. Some funny commentary but don’t really see you doing much more than facebook creeping, not really hard hitting journalism. You publicly shame people committing welfare fraud or issues with unfit parents, this isn’t news. News would be why this allowed by our government, what is being done to stop it or what isn’t. So until then, when you actually report something that someone wouldn’t see by signing on to their facebook, I won’t have respect for you as a news source but I will still enjoy reading these ridiculous stories, but def don’t respect you. Not saying that any of these other newspapers are any better, not familiar with them, but you still aren’t news.

    • Stu Pidazzo
      April 21, 2017 at 8:43 am

      This is a first step. If you told your typical Mass. politician that welfare fraud is rampant, EBT cards are traded for cash, DCYF isn’t keeping kids safe by slow rolling intervention they’ll tell you that is NOT true and tell you you’re wrong even though you see it all over. It’s not in the newspaper, so it doesn’t exist, right? TBS is exposing this, albeit in an amusing, sometimes shaming way. Not to mention all of the big time exposures, Mosaic being the most high profile.

      We need to change the dialogue so the politician spin stops first!

      • Do more
        April 21, 2017 at 9:08 am

        This may be a good reflection of the welfare state but who is this news to? I could pass these people on the street and know they should have their kids taken away and are probably committing welfare fraud. Anyone could be screen shotting facebook posts, all I’m saying is if you are forming a large part of your blog is on the welfare state and its fraud, expose more than what most people can see with their own two eyes, because then really what did you even expose? Expose the government, they don’t deny that fraud is happening, but definitely the scope. These people posted can just be explained away as the “1%” committing fraud, that the state already admits exist. Publish news that can’t be explained away, these scumbags existing is not news to anyone. If it is, you are living with your eyes shut.

    • Talisman
      April 21, 2017 at 8:43 am

      Well you see, that is the problem. The”real news” doesn’t want to do any of that because they tow the line of the politicians that steal everyone’s money and give it out to the “poor and hungry”, who then sell the foodstamps for drug money and drive around in nice cars because the taxpayers pay their rent. They don’t investigate anything unless it has to do with getting dirt on conservatives.

      Traditional journalism is dead, because they refuse objectivity. There’s not a single so-called “news” outlet that doesn’t have an agenda or slant to any story they do and if it doesn’t conform to their leftist world view, they either filter it, ignore it, or downright lie about it. The only question is, how overt are their opinions in their “reporting”?

  • Kevin Lynch's 9 iron
    April 21, 2017 at 7:01 am

    You don’t want to know the places I have been…..

  • Realist
    April 20, 2017 at 11:39 pm

    Well, The one award TBS should have certainly won would be the “Rock the vote” award! I’m fairly certain that anyone else who was nominated didn’t have an online army at their disposal who were incessantly prodded to vote the TBS ticket multiple times. Anyway, It worked.

    • Real News
      April 21, 2017 at 5:56 am

      Yeah, realist, You sound like Yogi Berra: “No one goes to that restaurant any more, its too crowded!”

      • Realist
        April 21, 2017 at 10:18 pm

        Ok Real news, Just pointing out that TB’s minions will do anything for the cause, As pointless as it may be!

  • Long Arm of the Law
    April 20, 2017 at 10:54 pm

    Turtleboy FTW!

  • John Barker
    April 20, 2017 at 10:51 pm

    TBS…Where gravy-sloths, fuppa-dumpsters and poonstacios come to life..

  • Congratulations
    April 20, 2017 at 10:15 pm

    TB is interesting, vibrant too. The others, need to retire and do something else. They’ve seen their day, peaked about 35 years ago. Desaparecer !

  • Mark Berry
    Georgia Madman
    April 20, 2017 at 9:51 pm

    Wonder what the T&G’s editor’s boss had to say about this?

    April 20, 2017 at 9:47 pm

    Lmao, you stuffed the ballot box. That is hillarious. Michael Gaffney as best attorney? Lol.

    You think that $10 you paid Facebook is enough cover for your hate blog?

    Real news? You are a collection of child bullies who are now older. You are a group of adult bitches who backstab, lie, harrass and throw eggs from your band wagon.

    Spineless cowards is what you are in life. Sissy Aiden is nothing but a pos mouth piece who runs his chicklets with his flattened nose.

    It is only a matter of time Aiden till you write a story about someone who comes to see you and your family will be botching about what they knew was coming for years as they sit by and watch you run your cock sucka.

    Your mother raised a pure pos slug on the planet earth.

    • Chelsea Manning
      April 20, 2017 at 10:28 pm

      Wow Kevin, your came up for air while sucking some guy’s ass and that’s all you can write? Pretty pathetic. Better go back bobbing for poo peanuts.

    • Long Arm of the Law
      April 20, 2017 at 10:57 pm

      Slow down, pull over.

      I’m going to have to cite you for extreme doucheyness.

      Unfortunately, it’s incurable. Your punishment is to forever be yourself.

    • Tarbash the Egyptian Magician
      April 21, 2017 at 5:51 am


    • Turtlehead
      Kevin Lynch is a faggot
      April 21, 2017 at 6:32 am

      You should probably talented dick out of your ass and let it breathe for a while. You’re clearly a little grumpy. Are you mad your family disowned you for being a cross dressing homo that molested your little brother? You’re a piece of shit and you should just kill yourself so we don’t have to read to your stupid social justice warrior comments. No one would miss you. It’s not like you’ve accomplished anything good in your life. What have you got to lose? It’s probably better wherever you’ll end up. It’d be a win/win for all of us. We’d never have to see your stupid ass around here and you can blow all the guys you want in heaven or he’ll without any judgement.

    • Matty Mo
      April 21, 2017 at 10:51 am

      Kevin you mad bro?

    • April 21, 2017 at 9:18 pm

      Kevin you know what I’m sick of?
      Your stupid ass bullshit you fucking loser.
      Tell the truth, your mother slept with almost the whole Boston Police Department to keep you and your shithead brother out of jail.
      Common knowledge that she spread he legs for hundreds of cops to keep your rotten ass out of jail
      Uncle Stevie gave jobs as payoffs to keep your ass and your drug dealing brother out of jail.
      You are a skinner who was a snitch bitch in MCI , part of the A Block gang!
      You are a fucking loser who should pull a Hernandez and make the world a better place.
      By the way DCF reports indicate that YOU molested your niece, you scum

  • MrSmiley
    April 20, 2017 at 9:28 pm

    Fuck yea! Grats on the win. Well EARNED!

  • Bad Directions
    April 20, 2017 at 9:13 pm

    Where is Main located?

    • Gretta's Prostate
      April 21, 2017 at 5:58 am

      What’s Worcester Magazine?

      • Lt Dan
        April 21, 2017 at 6:47 pm

        A local rag that lost most of their ad revenue to Craigslist’s casual encounters page. Can’t beat it for getting your fireplace going or lining a birdcage.

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