Triggered SJW’s Are Losing Their Minds That Turtleboy Was Voted Best Local News Source In Worcester Magazine’s Best Of Worcester Poll
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A lot of butthurts like to whine about Turtleboy being “fake news” and things of that nature. They tell us that “real news” comes from places like Worcester Magazine, the Telegram and Gazette, and the Boston Globe, who a year ago wrote a doomsday edition of their paper that predicted the world blowing up in 100 days if Donald Trump became President.
Well, Worcester Magazine has released their “Best of Worcester County” winners, and the people have spoken for who they believe is the best source of local real news:
Runner up, Turtlegram and Gazette. I’m gonna get that tattooed on my ass. One day my grandkids are gonna ask what the Turtlegram was, because obviously it’s not gonna be around for much longer, and I will point to my ass and show them how the people soundly rejected them in favor of Turtleboy Sports.
So I’m not sure where WoMag is having their awards ceremony this year, but since Bret moved to Maine, we need to come up with someone new to accept the award for us. Except this time we want someone REALLY ratchet. How awesome would it be if the Fall River Guttermuppet accepted the award for us? I dunno, I’m just thinking out loud. If you have any ideas about who should accept the award for us, let us know.
And the Turtleboy Sports Revolution pretty much dominated everything else too. Long time Turtleboy partner Smokestack Urban Barbecue was voted best BBQ:
Long time advertisers Wormtown Brewery won best brewery:
The People’s Councilor and the finest, most well respected defense attorney around took 1-2 in the best lawyer voting:
And of course the People’s Councilor, Mike Gaffney, won best City Councilor, leaving well known social justice warrior Kate Toomey and the rest of the Tuesday night turd patrol in his dust.
But not everyone is pleased about this outcome, and their tears are delicious. A local rapey looking man named Corey Davis, who has his regular Facebook page, as well as his alter ego “Chris Setaro,” has been trying to stop the revolution for years now. He has failed massively, which is why you might see him in the comments making fun of the way your children look, using the Chris Setaro alias. But this is him:
And as you can see, you should keep this man far, far away from your children at all times.
Anyway, Corey Davis sent us this hilarious post from a friend of his, as if it was a bad thing:
Yup, this right here is the face of everyone who hates Turtleboy Sports:
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again – everyone who likes Turtleboy Sports is hot. You know if you’re reading this right now and enjoying it, chances are you’re at least a Shrewsbury 7. You like what you see in the mirror. If you don’t like it, then you’re probably a Fall River 4 at best. As much as we are proud of the intelligence, wit, and creativity of turtle riders, it’s the fact that they ooze raw sex appeal that we are most proud of. Seriously, check out the comments on our Facebook page. Hottest chicks around and dudes with stunning facial features everywhere you look. Just sayin.
Anyway, here’s a list of all the dumb things she said that were wrong…
- The Turtlegram is indeed over 100 years old, and hasn’t evolved at all. They employ a guy who calls himself “Old Balls” who they allow to spew delusion on their site for page views. Their columnists are all in their 60’s and won’t retire any time soon since they’ve never gotten a raise and have no pension. The fact that they’re over 100 years old is the reason the people chose us over them.
- Turtleboy is not “one creepy conservative middle aged white man’s opinions of things like teenage girls and people who live in Webster.” It’s mostly female bloggers sharing their hilarious opinions about guttermuppets and cheesehogs from New Bedford, Peabody, Plymouth, and other lands of splendor and opportunity.
- Ratchets in Webster who make the “real news” like NECN, and are given a platform to shit on police officers, deserve to be criticized in our blogs.
- The Turtlegram does not inform people of “events taking place in time in your city.” They didn’t report on the arrest of Vanessa Marcotte’s killer until well after we broke the story, and countless other non-local media outlets reported it first. They purposely ignored groups like Mosaic Cultural Complex because going after them didn’t fit their agenda, despite the fact that they were stealing taxpayer money.
- The Turtlegram is effectively state-owned media. Dianne Williamson proved that when she showed that she was nothing more than Joe Petty’s coffee bitch by buying into his INSANE lie that it wasn’t him calling protesters “morons” on a hot mic.
- Alexis Aslanian was an out of control ratchet getting in fights every weekend and yelling racial slurs at cameras. Our expose of her drinking underage at a problematic local bar seems to have curbed her behavior. Turtleboy teaches discipline and honor through public shame.
- Kevin Blackmer, the cross dresser she references, was in several local news outlets after getting arrested yet again on outstanding warrants. But when they report it it’s “real news.” This makes sense to dumb people like Gretta Prostak.
Anyway, the next time anyone has the audacity to say that Turtleby isn’t real news, remind them that the people of Worcester adamantly disagree, and their votes prove that. And if that doesn’t work just call up Uncle Turtleboy and we’ll show them the tattoo on his ass to prove it.
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