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The Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Final 4 is here. Over the next 48 hours turtle riders will vote for which two ratchets will meet in the championship and vie for the crown of most ratchet in all the land. On Friday we will announce the winners and begin the championship voting. The winners will be announced on Turtleboy Live Sunday night at 10 PM with a One Shining Moment Montage. To see the show you must follow Clarence Woods Emerson on Facebook, where we will be broadcasting live from with Gupta Patel. You don’t wanna miss that one.
Before we give you the case let’s just give you our picks for how we’d rank the final 4…..
4. Leigha Genduso – She’s a sneaky ratchet, who is willing to take the bologna baton from whoever can get her nice things, but at the end of the day if you saw her in public you wouldn’t necessarily say, “damn, that chick’s ratchet.” You’d be like, “damn, I wonder if she’s back to selling pot again?”
3. Alli Bibaud – Her ratchetness comes largely from the “disease” which is kind of like cheating in ratchet madness. The ratchet has to come from deep within you to be the top dog.
2. Didi Delgado – She’s the perfectly blend of SJW and ratchet, but I feel like her dominance more comes from the hatred factor. She’s kind of like this year’s Trashley Losapiho, except worse. The baby daddy reveal on Facebook Live and non-stop discussion of her lady bits on the other hand is old school ratchet behavior.
1. Fall River Dirty Dick Trap Queens – They’ve got our vote. The screenshots in this blog speak for themselves. I’ve just never seen anything quite as remarkable as the things they’ve posted on social media. It’s like going to the zoo, except way better.
Anyway, those are our picks. Don’t let us influence your voting. It has to come from the heart. We’ve linked a blog about each of the Final 4 and given you a bulleted list of their ratchet accomplishments so that you can make an informed decision.
1. Alli Bibaud vs. 1. Leigha Genduso
- Has the “disease”
- Got gigs as a toll booth worker where she filmed herself repeatedly, all fucked up taking people’s money
- Frequently uses phrases like “money, cash, hoes”
- Records herself driving around all fucked up
- Got arrested for driving around all jammed with a bunch of heroin on her on I-190
- Asked arresting trooper if he knew how many guys she had to blow to get that heroin (still undetermined)
- Offered sexual favors in return for leniency
- Mentioned her father during arrest, who is a judge in Dudley
- Set off a chain of events that led to the resignation of four of the highest ranking members of the Massachusetts State Police, as well as an investigation by the Attorney General’s Office
- Has tendency to bang older bald men who can get her nice things
- Sold large amounts of pot wrapped in Christmas paper
- Hid $275K worth of drug money from the feds by giving it to a lawyer who has been accused of rape by four women
- Insists she got her job based on merit, told us to “get your facts straight”
- Straightened facts revealed that she was given the chance to receive immunity by testifying in front of a grand jury and perjured herself anyway
- Admitted to being pill popping pothead on the stand
- Still became a state police dispatcher where she shared confidential emails with random people on the Internet
- On Facebook she made fun of people who she thought were not qualified to be corrections officers
- Thinks she’s going to get her job back after being checked into a loony bin when we exposed her
1. Didi Delgado vs. 5. Fall River Dirty Dick Trap Queens
- Forces cult of white women from all over the country to pay her reparations whenever she demands it
- Doesn’t report any of this income to the IRS but still seems to never have money for rent (which is racist) and still gladly collects food stamps and other handouts from Uncle Sam
- Takes elaborate vacations all around the world paid for by dumb white women who pay her reparations
- Forces wypipo to write #DoneForDidi after donating to her so she can keep track of which wypipo have paid up
- Raised $12,000 for a car, car seat, and $4K worth of car insurance that was delinquent
- Often posts about who she is offering up some lady bits by saying things such as “everyone knows my pussy is gold”
- Dresses like 120 pound woman, which is what she weighs on the moon
- Said she would lead a Nat Turner-esque rebellion on any teacher who attempts to teach her daughter about the Pilgrims
- Held Facebook Live show announcing identity of her child’s sperm donor
- Sold tickets to show with strict “no refund” policy even though it was just her driving around in a car talking into her phone
- Fought not once, not twice, but three separate times over incarcerated, dirty dick, mutual baby Daddy
- Filmed themselves driving around Fall River on Facebook Live, calling each other out while on the hunt
- Both bragged about visiting him more recently in prison
- Both had recently given birth and had kids take by DCF
- Wrote series of most ghettotastic Facebook posts back and forth calling each other out for being more ratchet
- Bigger one claimed that thick girls have better pussy
- Skinny one claimed that she tells baby daddy that this is his pussy during doggystyle
- Went back and forth with each other on mother’s day, in which neither saw their childre
You have 48 hours to vote…..