Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Final 4: Uxbridge Gypsy Church Vs. Fall River Guttermuppet
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The first Final 4 matchup is completed. And in by far the highest voter turnout so far in any matchup, look who has advanced to the Championship game:
Is there some sort of #VoteTrashley campaign going on that we don’t know about? Because she always starts off losing, and then the votes just start pouring in. I think we underestimated just how hated and ratchet miss thundercalfs really is. Seriously, put your hand over the lower portion of her body and see what she looks like. Then take them away:
It’s like a completely different person. From the top up you would think she could find a nice accountant or something to settle down with. Then you see the bottom, and you understand why she has to resort to being a gangbanger pass around. Amanda Lacroix had a nice little run but her journey is over. So the only question is, who will Trashley Losapi-ho be facing in the Championship? Here’s the matchup, with a link to a blog in each finalists’s name…..
Let’s go back and review how each of them got here.
They had a tough first round matchup, but survived the assholes over at Laughlin Kennel to advance to the second round.
Their biggest margin of defeat was against New Hampshire rapper wangsta Tony Deyoung, who despite his claim to do “what he wants, when he wants” couldn’t advance to the Sweet 16.
Next up was a close one against the Dedham webcam Mom:
Followed by their closest matchup in the entire tourney against disgraced cop killer Jorge Zambrano’s slampig, Heather Philip:
The Guttermuppet hasn’t just been winning. She’s been murdering ratchets left and right. Her closes matchup actually came in the first round against 11th seeded Worcester City Councilor Sarai Rivera:
After that she facialized 3rd seeded Ceyharra Robinson – the Brockton “I don’t tip” trap queen:
Then she slayed the the New Bedford Foodstampopotamus by a 4 to 1 margin:
And finally took down Turtleboy’s pick to win it all – Misti and Jason Iorio, in convincing fashion.
But now, one of them must go. Here is the case for and against each.
Case for Uxbridge Gypsy Church:
- Well known gypsies who scam people with gypsy paving company that has F rating from BBB
- Older brother David Stanley claims to be prophet while younger brother Dennis Stanley is archangel and also serves as DJ during sermons
- Often hump things during bizarre sermons and take their clothes off
- Perform exorcisms, including at the 1:03 mark in the video below
- Got into a standoff with the police when Dennis Stanley wouldn’t comply with a warrant for his arrest after domestic incident with wife
- Brainwash girls, many of whom are underage runaways, to believe they are the prophets, and several of them sleep in their beds and hump their cars on court days
- Wear gypsy style clothing, complete with oversized belt buckles
- Also brainwash their own children and force them to grow long gypsy hair
Case against Uxbridge Gypsy Church:
- Somehow live in gigantic house in suburban Uxbridge
- Don’t need to resort to GoFundMe scams or sell food stamps on Facebook
- Don’t wear pajama pants in public
Case for Fall River Guttetmuppet:
- Started a GoFundMe because she’s a single mom and asked the entire city of Fall River to co-sign a loan for her because her car got repo’d
- Recorded a hysterical video diary about her husband being a toddler rapist
- Her mom sold her out to Turtleboy for being a pathological liar, and when your Mom sells you out to Turtleboy, you know your ass is ratchet
- Searched for her estranged pedophile husband, with his 16 year-old girlfriend, because he allegedly got hit by a snow plow and was dead in a snowbank somewhere
- Scammed on yardsale sites by selling broken shit and blocking people when they wanted their money back
- Faked a family emergency and asked strangers on the Internet to babysit her two young kids for the weekend, for free
Case against Fall River Guttermuppet:
- Really more of a con-artist than a ratchet, but still pretty ratchet
The Guttemuppet is so hot right now. But the Uxbridge Gypsies are a whole nother level of ratchetry, the likes of which we’ve never seen before. Good luck voting. We know you’ll make the right decision, and in 24 hours we will announce who has advance to face off against Trashley in the Ratchet Madness Championship.
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