Uxbridge Fresh Prince Of Bad Hair Arrested For Shooting Autistic Man And Cop Car With BB Gun
Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information.
Something is in the air this summer because chudstuffers can’t stop acting a fool and shooting at cops. Luckily the Uxbridge PD took a page out of the Dartmouth PD playbook, and likes to put these people on blast in the funniest way possible:
Shooting at cop cars. Wicked smart.
I love when the cops get snarky. You can sense the frustration in their voices just reading it. More police departments need to do this. “Probably because he was holding it sideways.” Priceless.
Not everyone found it as amusing though:
You can tell that Alana Dion and David Locklin are the life of the party wherever they go. Wicked fun people.
When I first saw this I assumed it was some 14 year old kids being morons. But it turns out it’s actually a grown ass man:
Hey Sam Patterson – the 90’s called, they want their haircut back. Goes well with the collection of unwashed pubes on your chin that you call a goatee.
Oh, and Sam Patterson doesn’t shoot at cops, he also shoots at autistic people:
“Detective Prior said that an autistic man was walking on Douglas Street, near Jumbo Donuts, around 1:30 p.m. Wednesday when the juveniles drove by in a sports utility vehicle and allegedly yelled out the window to the man. The juveniles told police the man approached their vehicle. The juveniles said they thought the man might have a gun. The young men then drove away and returned with Mr. Patterson. They found the man walking further down Douglas Street and drove up next to him and allegedly shot him in the hip with a BB gun. The man received a cut on the hip but walked to his home, where paramedics arrived to provide treatment.”
You gotta be a pretty big loser to be the backup muscle for some high school kids who go around town getting in fights with autistic people. When I was 19 my only concerns were booze and chicks. I didn’t associate with high school kids because they could provide me with neither. Not this guy though. He’s muscle for hire for every asshole at Uxbridge High School.
Anyway, we can’t find Samuel Patterson on Facebook, but he’s gotta have one. If you know what he goes by then feel free to link us to it.
We urge you to support the following local businesses.