All-Star Criminals

Uxbridge Fresh Prince Of Bad Hair Arrested For Shooting Autistic Man And Cop Car With BB Gun

Uxbridge Fresh Prince Of Bad Hair Arrested For Shooting Autistic Man And Cop Car With BB Gun

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Something is in the air this summer because chudstuffers can’t stop acting a fool and shooting at cops. Luckily the Uxbridge PD took a page out of the Dartmouth PD playbook, and likes to put these people on blast in the funniest way possible:

Shooting at cop cars. Wicked smart.

I love when the cops get snarky. You can sense the frustration in their voices just reading it. More police departments need to do this. “Probably because he was holding it sideways.” Priceless.

Not everyone found it as amusing though:

You can tell that Alana Dion and David Locklin are the life of the party wherever they go. Wicked fun people.

When I first saw this I assumed it was some 14 year old kids being morons. But it turns out it’s actually a grown ass man:

Hey Sam Patterson – the 90’s called, they want their haircut back. Goes well with the collection of unwashed pubes on your chin that you call a goatee.

Oh, and Sam Patterson doesn’t shoot at cops, he also shoots at autistic people:

“Detective Prior said that an autistic man was walking on Douglas Street, near Jumbo Donuts, around 1:30 p.m. Wednesday when the juveniles drove by in a sports utility vehicle and allegedly yelled out the window to the man. The juveniles told police the man approached their vehicle. The juveniles said they thought the man might have a gun. The young men then drove away and returned with Mr. Patterson. They found the man walking further down Douglas Street and drove up next to him and allegedly shot him in the hip with a BB gun. The man received a cut on the hip but walked to his home, where paramedics arrived to provide treatment.”

You gotta be a pretty big loser to be the backup muscle for some high school kids who go around town getting in fights with autistic people. When I was 19 my only concerns were booze and chicks. I didn’t associate with high school kids because they could provide me with neither. Not this guy though. He’s muscle for hire for every asshole at Uxbridge High School.

Anyway, we can’t find Samuel Patterson on Facebook, but he’s gotta have one. If you know what he goes by then feel free to link us to it.



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8 Comment(s)
  • Lilly Potts
    March 29, 2018 at 9:16 am

    This kid WAS a friend of mine. His facebook is Tre Patterson.

  • Benghazi Murders
    July 25, 2017 at 9:10 pm

    I’ve seen these people take out entire neighborhoods in just a couple of years .

  • They call me Ponch
    July 24, 2017 at 8:00 pm

    Everyone’s got too much time on their hands.

    BB gunning people, strangling ladies to death, lumping up fit chicks, stealing babies and general douchery.

    This shit always happens when I’m at work.

  • Na
    July 24, 2017 at 6:24 pm

    Tre Patterson on fb

  • Smell my beard
    July 24, 2017 at 3:14 pm

    In looking at the latest demographics I could find for Uxbridge, it said that 0.3% of the population is black and wouldn’t you know one is a thug! It’s in the DNA and coming to your suburb.

    • GC
      July 24, 2017 at 4:25 pm

      Ah, the fragrant racism of my youth, from south Worcester County. As that one black kid from Northbridge, I would simply say that if thugging out in Uxbridge involves shooting someone with a BB gun, you’ve had a rampant white criminal problem there for generations.

      Smell my fingers, then ask your mom.

      • Smell my beard
        July 24, 2017 at 7:03 pm

        I know math is hard for you GC, so just go to the gov’t stats on crime. Overwhelmingly and proportunately, more crime is committed by blacks. Not racist just facts. Educate yourself.

        By the way, mom is dead which means you like to finger dead people. Guess you’re a criminal too, and fuckin weird!

    • a decent fucking person
      July 26, 2017 at 9:35 am

      fuck you you racist prick

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