Smiles And Sunshine

Vote For Which Which 4 Ratchets Should Advance To Ratchet Madness 2019 Final Four


It’s time to vote for who will be advancing to the Final Four of the 2019 Turtleboy Ratchet Madness tournament. Here’s what the brackets look like now.

As always we will be giving you links to relevant blogs on each ratchet, as well as a breakdown of their ratchet resume. Then you vote after each matchup. You have 24 hours to make your voice heard.

1. Greg Bates

  • Uses a Facebook page with 35,000 followers as a weapon to extort cash, gift cards, and free food from legitimate restaurants all over the North Shore
  • Lied repeatedly about not demanding money from local businesses for promotion on his page
  • Trashes any business with fraudulent reviews if they don’t pay him
  • Uses gift cards on himself often instead of giving them to followers
  • Holds “raffles” in which fake accounts that he owns often win the raffles
  • Claimed to have raised over $200,000 for an autism charity, but gave barely over $10,000
  • Owes tends of thousands of dollars in child support and once went to jail for not paying
  • Told his kids he was going to commit suicide to get back at his wife after she left him
  • Pretended to be injured in order to try to collect disability from UPS
  • Falsely maligned a Peabody Police Officer and used his name to threaten a former advertiser who stopped advertising with him
  • Claimed that TD Bank was extorting him because he wanted to cash a check there and was not a customer
  • Stated in his divorce settlement that since his wife will no longer provide him with sex he has no choice but to purchase it, presumably from hookers
  • Once came into a restaurant minutes before closing with some buddies, used $300 worth of gift cards given to him that he was supposed to give away, tipped the waitress less than 5%
  • Used a gift card he was supposed to give away to purchase a toilet for huge dumps
  • Once lied and pretended his mother was dead for financial gain


2. Franklin Smollett

  • Brought his aggressive and un-neutuered pitbulls to an Attleboro dog park where they humped a woman’s dog repeatedly
  • Stayed in car while this was happening, and only came out to berate and film the woman who asked him to get his dogs off of her’s
  • Posted video everywhere, claimed she’s a racist without evidence
  • Came on our show and embarrassed himself after lecturing us about white privilege
  • Has open case for felony domestic assault against him
  • Blames the victim of his assault, who he is not allowed to contact but does anyway
  • Messaged family members of the assault victim calling the victim a ho and other choice words
  • The victim was his girlfriend and a junkie stripper who he supplies with drugs
  • Filmed himself bringing another junkie to Providence to confront and beat her in the streets for stealing drugs from him
  • Associates openly with violent felons
  • Was arrested days after being exposed by us for drug dealing
  • Was supposed to go on Inside Edition but it was cancelled after we alerted them of his true character, he blamed this on white privilege



1. Maude the Fraud

  • Lied about being raped as a 13 year old in order to win a beauty contest
  • Lied about having cancer in high school because she didn’t want to be one-upped by a sick girl who was getting more attention than her
  • Got caught cheating in multiple ultra-marathons after posting about her victories on Instagram for likes
  • Made national news when she pretended to be offended by a harmless #MeToo Dad joke at a pageant that she had already lost, throwing her sash in the trash in a dramatic look at me moment
  • Pretended to be a student at Brown
  • Made her grandmother’s death all about her
  • Dropped out of high school and ended up going to bootleg online school where she was the commencement speaker for a graduation of 8 kids
  • Pretended to be suicidal for attention multiple times, and even went to the Sagamore Bridge and took pictures pretending like she was contemplating jumping off



3. Juicin Jeremy

  • Has a long and documented history of conning attractive women into dating him, despite being perpetually unemployed and broke
  • Has been accused by multiple ex-girlfriends of domestic violence, including throwing a woman’s face into a suitcase because she said the wrong thing to him
  • Got newest girlfriend Tanya Hall killed after starting beef with a biker gang at a bar in Manchester, including one armed individual who shot up his Jeep
  • Got his Jeep from other girlfriend who Tanya didn’t know about who he was also conning
  • Started GoFundMe for Tanya without family’s permission and gave them nothing in proceeds
  • Wasn’t invited to Tanya’s wake or funeral
  • Went on TV whining about how much he loved her with fakest crocodile tears ever
  • Lied to other women about his relationship with Tanya, who was paying for everything and seemed to be into him
  • Tried to get custody of Tanya’s son, who he is not related to, because he falsely claimed that the child thinks he’s Dad
  • Has long history of bizarre sexual messages he send to random women
  • Cried like a bitch after being arrested by the police for drug possession and driving without a license
  • Attempted to defend his honor on our Facebook page before being arrested
  • Put car for sale on Facebook marketplace after being arrested



2. Rian Waters

  • Has never paid a dime in child support to his special needs daughter who he abandoned
  • Moved to California with his baby momma and daughter initially, promising them great things, but they ended up becoming homeless so she moved back to Palmer area
  • Visited home when his daughter was 2 years old, assaulted his baby momma in front of her by punching her in the face, and then kicked the dog so hard in front of the child that the dog had to be put down
  • Scared his baby momma not to testify by threatening to make up allegations of drug abuse on her part when he called the DEA and DCF
  • Filed an actual lawsuit against DCF
  • Filed an actual lawsuit against Turtleboy Sports for blogging about his public domestic abuse allegation
  • Sued the woman who he assaulted and scared into testifying against him, and who he owes unGodly amounts of child support to
  • Believes he has been found not guilty in a court of law because he intimidated a witness into not testifying, thus leading to the charges being dropped
  • Pretends to be a wealthy and overly arrogant poker player on Facebook, despite being wildly unsuccessful and rocking a hideous pubestache
  • Started a GoFundMe for his lawsuit against Turtleboy on the basis that Turtleboy calls children crotch fruits
  • Teamed up with Milky Mike Gaffney who wrote him an afidavit and wrote his complaint for him after losing to Uncle Turtleboy in court
  • Dropped his lawsuit against his baby momma after several turtle riders showed up to show their support for her at court
  • Once was caught attempting to smuggle drugs across an international border and made a break for it before being caught in the woods
  • Attempted to extort Uncle Turtleboy in order to not file a losing lawsuit against him



12. Gina Clark

  • Started a charity meant to help grieving families for the sole purpose of ripping them off at their most vulnerable time
  • Waited for kids to die in tragic scenarios, befriended the families, promised to raise money for them, raised lots of money, and then kept almost all of it claiming that they didn’t make much
  • Spent the money for grieving families on herself so she could live a ghettofabulous lifestyle on Cape Cod
  • Dragged the families through years of legal battles before finally getting sentenced to a couple years in jail
  • Once she got out of prison she was forced to do community service and pay back the families, neither of which she ever did, claiming that she’s too injured to work
  • Still walks around Cape Cod in fancy clothing, pimping jewelry with zero self-awareness about what a piece of shit she is




3. Jackoff Sauce

  • Aspiring rapper who fed his underaged girl alcohol, put her on a leash, and forced her to walk around the neighborhood like a dog so he could post it on social media
  • Forced her to have “property of Mack Sauce” written on her ass cheeks
  • Has copious amounts of Google trophies
  • When the police came to investigate him he decided to fight them and end up in jail
  • Ended up going to prison for kiddie porn because he uploaded video of himself banging her onto the Internet
  • Got an additional charge for witness intimidation when he called the victim (his “gf”) from prison


8. Slumdog Chillionaire Mom

  • Allows 9 year old son to smoke blunts like a chimney, throw gang signs, yell profanities and broadcast it on various social media platforms
  • Mom is too busy partying with her girls in cheap Lowell motel rooms drinking copious amounts of Henny to watch her crotch fruit
  • Mom appears to be in her mid 30’s and is a grandmother, making her the oldest grandmother in Lowell













6 Comment(s)
  • Post the results already.
    May 2, 2019 at 8:57 pm

    Jackoff sauce for the win. Or Greg Bates. I don’t know what I would do if those two faced off in a round. I love them both.

  • Testing comments
    May 1, 2019 at 9:52 am


  • Rockets Redglare
    May 1, 2019 at 8:21 am

    Go Gina go! Make Cape Cod proud…

  • True Reality Speaks
    It's Just Science
    May 1, 2019 at 6:33 am

    So easy that you managed to pick 3 out of 4 incorrectly. You probably come here to read the juvenile Fakebook drama and food stamp blogs. Major reason TBS is starting to circle the drain – quantity does not equal quality.

  • Suslop Bomer Pees
    April 30, 2019 at 11:37 pm

    Lets see, posing Bates against Baxley is a tough one. Both seriously ratchet. But, in the end, Baxley is a dime a dozen hood. Drug dealer, caught, with the BS race card that back fires on him most of the time. A loser yes, but as big a ratchet as what Greg Bates is doing and continues to do? Sorry, noway. Didn’t think I’d ever lean this way, but Greg Bates is by far more ratchet than Franklin Baxley. Now, Maude, I just have never gotten into her story. Maybe because I’ve dealt with sisters and daughters for so long. They all can be drama queens to some extent. Maude is the rare Nth degree drama royalty, yes, but nothing that rises to the level of Final four material. Juicin Jeremy is a career life long, till he dies ratchet. Easy vote there. Puttin Gina Clark against Rian Waters isnt fair. I don’t want to even vote for this dick suck cock smooch, but against her, no brainer. He’s too conceited and retarded at the same time to ever become a functional human. He winds, but he wouldnt against stiffer competition. Now, Mack Sauce would kill it in most one-on-ones. But not against the Momma with the Ganja toking 5 yr old. There’s just no beating that level of ratchery. Easy picks in this division.

    • Sir Wilfred Death
      May 1, 2019 at 8:27 am

      Agree about Baxley. He is a complete and total pustule, but he’s just a garden variety ratchet. Gregg Bates’ grift has originality and flair. He is bleeding struggling small businesses and screwing low wage wait staff. He also defrauds charities. And fucks over his kids. And cheats his employer. So many facets to his ratchetness, he deserves the crown.

      Now that Bobbin For Boners is eliminated I predict Waters v. Bates for the final. Bates by a nose.

      Social Media is Cancer

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