Last month the Chicopee Police Department warned citizens about some local hoodboogers running amok in the streets:

There has been an increase of nuisance dirt bike riders throughout Western Mass now that nice weather is coming. We had an incident here in Chicopee where a vehicle was damaged, and the parties inside were assaulted. This happened on March 30th, around 5:10pm. A female driver and her male passenger were headed down Chicopee St, towards 22, when these “bikers” began taunting them. These suspects were kicking at her vehicle while she was driving, and because they surrounded her car, she was unable to stop, or get away. At McKinstry and Meadow St, the vehicle came to a stop, and the suspects began punching at the male passenger through the open window. They also busted both mirrors off her car, and pulled the passenger out. The female driver went to assist the male passenger, and they kicked at her, and struck her several times. She was transported to the hospital for her injuries. These are still photos of some of the suspects. We are aware this is happening, and are keeping an extra eye out. PLEASE, if you see these “bikers” enter the city, CALL US.

Oh look, another third world bike gang. How original. You might see a headline like this and be inclined to believe that we’re dealing with a bunch of shithead kids here. But more often than not you’d be wrong. Remember last year when these Dorchester Douche Dumplings started riding their go go ratchet bikes on I-93?

Yea, they all turned out to be in their late 20’s and early 30’s.

And then right on cue today this happened in Springcopee:

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Obviously Grizzly Hernandez here has life by the balls. No license, a chinstrap cha-cha-chia pet growing on his face, nothing to do on a Monday but take his battery powered bike on an urban safari through Springfield and Chicopee, and hangs out with a bunch of dudes terrorizing law abiding citizens who pay for the welfare that people like him live off of for eternity (which for them usually ends by age 40 at the latest).

Of course since he’s a 29 year old from Springfield he’s already reproduced, but he couldn’t be bothered to actually care for the crotch fruit he decided to create through the power of raw dog. Instead this is him living his best life. He just forgot the number one rule of hoodbooger hide and seek – “Thou shalt charge thy motorized bike before causing havoc in thine streets.” Because your homies have no loyalty and will leave with a quickness if 5-0 shows up.

Rookie move bruh.

Instead of, ya know, getting a job and taking care of his kids, you can find him most days writing inspirational things like this on Facebook.

Priorities.

And you’ll never guess who his favorite sportball team is either….

Like clockwork.

Don’t worry, he’ll learn nothing from this, his court appointed attorney will have him out in a day or 2, and he’ll go right back to being yet another useless waste of space wandering the streets of Springcopee.

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