All-Star Criminals

29 Year Old Chinstrip Cha-Cha-Chia Chode Forgets To Charge Motorized Bike While Terrorizing People During Rush Hour In Chicopee, Homies Bounce, He Gets Arrested


Last month the Chicopee Police Department warned citizens about some local hoodboogers running amok in the streets:

There has been an increase of nuisance dirt bike riders throughout Western Mass now that nice weather is coming. We had an incident here in Chicopee where a vehicle was damaged, and the parties inside were assaulted. This happened on March 30th, around 5:10pm. A female driver and her male passenger were headed down Chicopee St, towards 22, when these “bikers” began taunting them. These suspects were kicking at her vehicle while she was driving, and because they surrounded her car, she was unable to stop, or get away. At McKinstry and Meadow St, the vehicle came to a stop, and the suspects began punching at the male passenger through the open window. They also busted both mirrors off her car, and pulled the passenger out. The female driver went to assist the male passenger, and they kicked at her, and struck her several times. She was transported to the hospital for her injuries. These are still photos of some of the suspects. We are aware this is happening, and are keeping an extra eye out. PLEASE, if you see these “bikers” enter the city, CALL US.

Oh look, another third world bike gang. How original. You might see a headline like this and be inclined to believe that we’re dealing with a bunch of shithead kids here. But more often than not you’d be wrong. Remember last year when these Dorchester Douche Dumplings started riding their go go ratchet bikes on I-93?

Yea, they all turned out to be in their late 20’s and early 30’s.

And then right on cue today this happened in Springcopee:


Obviously Grizzly Hernandez here has life by the balls. No license, a chinstrap cha-cha-chia pet growing on his face, nothing to do on a Monday but take his battery powered bike on an urban safari through Springfield and Chicopee, and hangs out with a bunch of dudes terrorizing law abiding citizens who pay for the welfare that people like him live off of for eternity (which for them usually ends by age 40 at the latest).

Of course since he’s a 29 year old from Springfield he’s already reproduced, but he couldn’t be bothered to actually care for the crotch fruit he decided to create through the power of raw dog. Instead this is him living his best life. He just forgot the number one rule of hoodbooger hide and seek – “Thou shalt charge thy motorized bike before causing havoc in thine streets.” Because your homies have no loyalty and will leave with a quickness if 5-0 shows up.

Rookie move bruh.

Instead of, ya know, getting a job and taking care of his kids, you can find him most days writing inspirational things like this on Facebook.


And you’ll never guess who his favorite sportball team is either….

Like clockwork.

Don’t worry, he’ll learn nothing from this, his court appointed attorney will have him out in a day or 2, and he’ll go right back to being yet another useless waste of space wandering the streets of Springcopee.


Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:

Follow us on Youtube, SoundCloud, Twitter, and Facebook.

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 


36 Comment(s)
  • Biker w/o quotation marks
    May 10, 2019 at 5:31 am

    Louisville Slugger time for bike no-life thugs.
    I appreciate that the cops had the awareness to put “bikers” in quotes when talking about these shit heads. They get it.

  • The Name Game
    May 8, 2019 at 12:34 pm

    “Legaczy Peralta?” More like Legacy Peristalsis, the common process of moving burritos and tacos through the body to create shit. And that’s the only thing these hoodboogers create. Time to enlist Hell’s Angels to an impromptu two-wheeled mass demolition derby. That’d clean up the problem REAL quick.

  • don
    May 8, 2019 at 11:34 am

    is it sad to say that trucks with plows should be hunting them down?

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    May 8, 2019 at 6:11 am

    Electra Glide in Hell… Just wondering, if you run one over will the cops look thevotger way?

  • Ray Patriarca
    Brown savages
    May 7, 2019 at 11:05 pm

    Fucking Third World savages !
    Build the wall !
    MAGA !

  • Alexis Cora Puerto Rico
    May 7, 2019 at 9:54 pm

    I will be ridin wit my homies.
    F the WhiteHouse. My culture is so great.

    • Ratchet Rollins D.A.
      May 8, 2019 at 1:57 pm

      True Dat. They not be understandin our culture Dawg.

  • Wooturtle
    May 7, 2019 at 9:42 pm

    Same nonsense in Worcester today at 2 pm on Rte 9… five 20 something year olds in and out of traffic. Would be great if police out here went after them

  • CC
    May 7, 2019 at 9:29 pm

    Every bike stolen from Ludlow (or surrounding small towns)…I’d put $ on it!

  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    May 7, 2019 at 8:48 pm

    Every time you see a cunt like this, it proves conclusively that the anti-abortion brigade are just plain wrong.

  • Sir Wilfred Death
    May 7, 2019 at 8:48 pm

    Due to open borders, deindustrialization, and endless welfare to the able bodied, the number of worthless eaters increases year-by-year. Pray for a plague to wipe the filth away.

    Social Media is Cancer

  • Torah! Torah! Torah!
    May 7, 2019 at 7:50 pm

    A battery powered Hells Angel. Will wonders never cease……

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Old Tom Morris
    May 7, 2019 at 6:36 pm

    These children appear to be of the same age as the children seeking asylum at the Southern Border.

  • whatevuh
    May 7, 2019 at 6:15 pm

    Grizzly Hernandez biggest waste of oxygen in the Springfield area . . . . 29 and still hanging around with 14 yr olds LOL

  • Ratchet Rollins D.A.
    May 7, 2019 at 6:15 pm

    Import Third World get Third World.
    I am all for this diversity and I will prosecute the police if dey even try to arrest my homies

  • Bath house Barry
    May 7, 2019 at 5:46 pm

    My “wife” michael will gladly go to pound town with you wanna be blacks.

  • Paco pico di Gallo O’Houlihan
    May 7, 2019 at 5:11 pm

    For immediate release:

    “Fellow Americans and/or illegal aliens. I stand in unity and solidarity with my fellow people of color such as David price and Alex Cora, I’m boycotting the whites house. I call upon my colleagues; Ilhan jihad, Jerrold “the walking gunt (and/or fupa) nadler; liawatha; Bernard scamders, and leatherface Nancy Pelosi in supporting the poor, oppressed POC on the Boston Red Sox. 31 million a year! That’s not a living wage for Mr. Price. Let’s pass the green new deal and 32(!) million per year, per person. May I have your vote in 2020?”

    • Steve cuckley Herald
      May 7, 2019 at 5:37 pm

      OMG MR. MAN! Who are you to reference my tweet without a shout out! I have 38,000 followers you know (waves hand as if waving a magic wand)! You are no friend of progressives like me and Alex reimer the filthy creamer. Gooooo Pete bootyjuggs 2020!

  • Barry
    May 7, 2019 at 4:54 pm

    At 29 he must be at least a junior in high school. He really should have known better.

  • dball31211
    May 7, 2019 at 4:41 pm

    For some reason if I try to comment or even when scrolling through and hit a Facebook or twitter link in the blog a video pops up. Anyone else have this problem with the Tb app? It’s a rolling stone video:)

    • #metoo
      May 8, 2019 at 11:04 am

      I don’t know what changed because other than OS updates I haven’t done anything different but I did have that issue too and it was also a Rolling Stones video. Almost as if it was mocking me for being too poor to see them.

  • Mom’s Basement
    May 7, 2019 at 4:20 pm

    Accident season is here once again and the internet always has room for more videos! I urge all riders to wear helmets unless there’s a better way to attach a GoPro.

  • z
    May 7, 2019 at 4:18 pm

    Taut wire 3-4 feet off the ground well placed in spots that motor vehicles should not be in unless authorized or in places where you can read a sign that says “Danger, entry at more than a walking pace may cause decapitation” would certainly do wonders.

  • eugene
    May 7, 2019 at 3:44 pm

    I have a truck with good ground clearance.I have no problem running them over.

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      May 7, 2019 at 5:19 pm

      Make sure you have the metal plates under the truck to protect your differential, etc from handlebars and shit like that. Drive on!

  • Joey Cora
    May 7, 2019 at 3:44 pm

    My brother Alex make the suck at play baseball. I’m mucho better. But, he is right to skip the blanco casa because the hurricane make go boom and nobody do nothing.

  • It's yeah, not yea
    May 7, 2019 at 3:41 pm

    Hey turtle, yea rhymes with gay or hay or say. YEAH is the word you’re looking for. It’s hard to take you seriously when you write like you have a GED.

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      May 7, 2019 at 8:51 pm

      Im sure we’d all be a whole lot happier if you could see your way clear to fucking right off.

  • Well, No Shit
    May 7, 2019 at 3:28 pm

    No bullshit, if these motherfuckers surround my car with my wife and kids inside of it, start pounding on the car, and attempting to assault us, they will be fired upon.

    “Your Honor, my client was in fear of his life, as well as the lives of his family. Therefore, this is a clear case of justifiable homicide.”

  • marilu
    May 7, 2019 at 3:14 pm

    “413 Bikelife!!!” lol .. so glad I left Springcopee!

  • Alex Cora
    May 7, 2019 at 3:03 pm

    I no visit the casa de blanco because orange man is no bueno! My country, la Isla Bonita, is no corrupt! Come see my trophy!

    • z
      May 7, 2019 at 4:22 pm

      I’m sure Alex says what Chico Escuela said 40 years ago “Baseball been berry, berry good to me!”

      • Chico Escuela
        May 7, 2019 at 6:49 pm

        Yes, but Chico no like Ed Kranepool. He steal Chico’s soap.

        • z
          May 8, 2019 at 7:13 am

          I was going to put that in, but wondered how many people know who Ed Kranepool is.
          Hell, I wondered how many people know who Chico is.
          Kranepool had a kidney transplant on Tuesday.

          Can you imagine getting away with that kind of humor today?
          Garrett Morris is 82 years old. Guy was a pretty good singer also.

      • murdochpatsymcreynolds
        Rafael Devers
        May 7, 2019 at 6:56 pm

        Hombre de naranja malo!

        • Xander Bogaerts
          May 7, 2019 at 9:55 pm

          Amigo! Touch me where I pee pee? No? On long road trip? Nada? Come on. Bob Boni Holmes? Nada? Fuck mi culo

Comment on this Post


White Trash Hero Wears T-Shirt With His Mugshot On It From Last Time He Was Arrested At Latest Mugshot Photoshoot
Tsarnaev Sister Threatened Boyfriend’s Ex With A Bomb Because She’s A Muslim Terrorist And A Tsarnaev And This Is What They Do Best
Ladies Night At TBSports: Will Women Read Our Official Rankings Of NFL Teams Blog?