All-Star Criminals

Chicopee Grundle Queen Pulls Knife On Dude In Front Of Her 2 Kids During Minor Fender Bender, Goes Full Hambeast On Facebook After Getting Out Of Jail

Chicopee Grundle Queen Pulls Knife On Dude In Front Of Her 2 Kids During Minor Fender Bender, Goes Full Hambeast On Facebook After Getting Out Of Jail

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information.







Here’s your all-star parent of the day out of Springfield Jr, AKA Chicopee……

The real travesty here is that these poor people are relegated to shopping for groceries at the Big Y. The only thing more cringeworthy is going to Shaw’s. I truly feel for people who don’t have a Market Basket within 15 minutes from home. Sucks to be you.

Anyway, this is obviously some responsible Chicopee parenting if I’ve ever seen it. When you get in a fender bender at the Big Y and your kids are “scared,” what kind of nurturing mother wouldn’t jump out of the car with her butcher’s knife and threaten to stab the passenger in the other vehicle? Oh, and of course she had a knife on her. Why wouldn’t she? Who doesn’t carry a knife with them when they go grocery shopping at the Big Y? Ya never know when you’re gonna have to stab a bitch, amirite?

And just to show you how responsible she was, she decided to drop her kids off at home, then come back to the scene of the crime so they wouldn’t be forced to watch the carnage. Mother of the year moves like you read about. Unfortunately for her the fuzz had arrived at that time. And instead of dropping off the evidence at her house with her kids (who are probably used to this behavior at this ratchet point), she brought the knife with her. Because…..why wouldn’t she? She didn’t do nothing wrong!! Sometimes a ho just needs a good stabbing.

Anyway, she immediately went home to her now deactivated Facebook page and share her thoughts about the incident…..

Oh good, this happened on her son’s birthday. And for a birthday present the judge gave Mom release on personal recognizance.

Oh, and according to her it was not her fault because all she wanted to do was scare the guy by brandishing a knife:

And she regularly uses the n word in conversation too. Shocking. She does make a good point though. The dude was disrespectful. Big no-no. Does this look like the kind of woman who allows herself to be disrespected?

Nope. Better recognize foo!! Dude made her kid cry. What was she supposed to do? Try to calm the kid down? Tell him things were gonna be OK? No way snowflakes!! The responsible, adult thing to do is take a knife and tell another human being you’re gonna stab them over a fender bender. This should totally be legal. Even ask her:

Yea, you can’t scare kids. That’s against the law. It should be him in cuffs, not the grundle queen of Chicopee.

Then she went all “fuck the po-lice”:

Yea, because the cops allegedly can’t find a murderer, this means that any crime that is not as serious should be looked over and criminals not held responsible for their actions. That’s how law and order works.

Sounds like she’s already worked out a defense strategy for court…

Because what lawyer wouldn’t advise their client to basically make a full confession on the second most trafficked website in the world? Hey Andrea, do you pull knives on men?

OK, thank you for clearing that up. No further questions your honor!

She apparently wants to see the tape,

even though she’s already confessed to the crime and doesn’t deny that she pulled a knife on a dude in front of her children over a fender bender.

But hey, that’s just how things were back in the day:

Oh good, she’s all fucked up in the head and it causes her to pull knives on people in public. Glad to hear she’s raising multiple children. Might wanna get on that DCF. Just sayin.

Once the Chicopee PD shared the story on their Facebook page (which is one of the more entertaining cop FB pages in Massachusetts) she basked in her newfound ratchet fame:


Sure, if she was smart she’d just stay away from Facebook altogether. But she figured that going on the CPD FB page and explaining herself would smooth things over with the masses. Ya know, because she’s just good with words like that. For instance, when people complained that she was let off with only a $40 fee for personal recognizance….

Oh yea, Donald is the one who should be getting off Facebook. Not the cheesehog in the process publicly shamed for being such a shitty parent.

It’s true. Can you imagine the size of her ass? Twenty dollars ain’t cutting it. You wanna wipe that thing clean, we’re talking $40 minimum, and that’s if you’re using $5 bills.

Don’t believe everything you read though…..

Yea guys, you can’t believe this shit is true just because it says so on the Internet. Also, please ignore the full confession she posted on her personal page up above.

And for all those complaining about the no bail thing, she’s got a newsflash for you:

Yea, she pays taxes. Five cent bottle fees for Mountain Dew count as taxes right? I’m sure this brilliant woman hasn’t made a habit of sucking off the public’s titty in order to finance her poor life decisions. Never.

Plus, even if they she had gotten higher bail it wouldn’t have been a big deal:

Ya know, because she’s filthy rich. “To” bad you didn’t Google her!! If you did you’d know that she’s a baller for real 100 emoji!!

Oh, and in case you were wondering, she does still have custody of her kids:

And she didn’t need a free ma boi campaign either. Matter of fact it was the guy she pulled a knife on who should be in jail:

Another strong point.

Oh, and of course anyone who disagrees with her is a Trump supporter:

Can’t say I blame her. If I was a welfare leeching ratchet Mom with a propensity for getting arrested, I’d probably want Hillary in office too. That’s just common sense.

But seriously, how does this woman still have her kids? She’s a mentally deranged savage who should be institutionalized. Instead a Deval Patrick judge lets her out on the streets, even though she feels no remorse and is clearly still a danger, AND she gets to keep custody of the children she just traumatized by pulling a knife on a stranger in front of them. Welcome to Massachusetts.


We urge you to support the following local businesses. They provide terrific services for the community!

Screen Shot 2017-02-01 at 10.32.58 AM

Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM

Screen Shot 2017-02-27 at 10.14.48 AM

Screen Shot 2017-03-31 at 2.17.19 PM


unnamed (1)


4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)




Screen Shot 2017-03-25 at 8.48.23 PM

22 Comment(s)
  • Wabbitt
    October 5, 2017 at 2:42 am

    Ah, another genius with an internet law degree! Hey Einstein, assault is the threat of violence; battery is the physical act. That’s why you were charged with assault even though you “didn’t touch nobody.”

  • Chip Striker
    October 4, 2017 at 10:15 pm

    Can’t go to the Big Y without pulling a knife on someone, types/talks like a 9 year old gang banger, spends kids birthday locked up and then trashes the bed in her cell.

    All of which begs the question, would society be better off without her?


  • Finn
    October 4, 2017 at 9:50 pm

    That font. It made me giggle and think of sign for a lemonade stand rather than the verbal beat down these bad asses where handing out. Duh, everyone knows Courier (bold) is savage af.

  • What?
    October 3, 2017 at 11:42 pm

    “Stop believing what u read” – Good point. I’ll start with disbelieving her statement that she is 155 lbs.

    Also, can someone please add “k8ds” to the ghetto dictionary?

    • Finn
      October 4, 2017 at 11:42 pm


  • msheadkracker
    October 3, 2017 at 9:33 pm

    $5 says her kids are the product of an interracial relationship, just by the way she talks…not so tough now are you homie? And wtf breaks a bed in jail?!?you like sitting on concrete waiting to be released??

  • BLM
    October 3, 2017 at 7:13 pm

    Free My Gurl, She Ain’t Do Nuttin’

  • The Rant Queen
    October 3, 2017 at 4:58 pm

    God, the illiteracy makes me cringe. What a fucking moron.

  • Sue
    October 3, 2017 at 4:27 pm

    I highly doubt she will have those children much longer. Take a moment to think about this, if she is stupid enough to get out of a car with a knife to “scare” someone with her children right there watching, imagine what other shit she has done that they have seen. I bet the best part of her sons bday was her being in jail. That way she couldn’t embarrass him with her trashy behavior. But that’s what you get from trash bags like this!

  • They call me Ponch
    October 3, 2017 at 3:30 pm

    By reading the texts, I imagine Andrea speaks like Encino Man.

    • chrissy not chrissy's troll
      October 3, 2017 at 3:39 pm

      did you see the blog about Turtleboy looking for more bloggers, Ponch?

      your comments are always concise and humorous which is exactly Turtleboy’s style
      i hope he hires you

      just write a blog sample and send it him 😀

      • They call me Ponch
        October 3, 2017 at 4:37 pm


        • Chrissy's troll
          October 3, 2017 at 9:06 pm

          okay, I really don’t think you should write

          cos so far you’ve only come out with one liners, creative though they are they don’t write blogs, troll

  • They call me Ponch
    October 3, 2017 at 3:28 pm

    Trolls everywhere.

    • chrissy
      October 3, 2017 at 3:36 pm

      i should be happy mine may say the most controversial things but at least they’re not under my IP and at least they make me sound like a happy Japanese schoolgirl while making racist remarks and remarks about the deadliest mass shooting in recent American history 😀

  • Ryan
    October 3, 2017 at 2:41 pm

    Poor people shop at Market basket.

  • Stokley carmichael
    October 3, 2017 at 1:41 pm

    Money’s not an issue?
    She doesn’t look like she’s blowing it on clothes or plastic surgery.

  • chrissy
    October 3, 2017 at 1:36 pm

    Think what you want about the Vegas shooter but we can all agree he had great taste in weapons. BANG BANG!! 🙂

    • chrissy
      October 3, 2017 at 1:39 pm

      who is stalking me? o.O

      whoever it is still writes me as a two year old

  • itsjustme
    October 3, 2017 at 12:48 pm

    Did this hoodrat say she weighed only 155lbs? Bahahahaha. Maybe she weighs herself in kilograms, 155kg that I would believe.
    I don’t understand why bail is always so low,especially for something like this, she should have been made to pay for the damage she caused in jail at the very least before they let her out.

  • Sloppy
    October 3, 2017 at 12:26 pm

    Chicopee is the white trash cousin of Springfield.
    Chicopee also (almost) means “nipple” in Japanese, sports fans: 乳首 (Chikubi)

    I’ll bet it’s one of those hamburger nipples all wrinkly at the end of a saggy tit.

Comment on this Post


White Trash Hero Wears T-Shirt With His Mugshot On It From Last Time He Was Arrested At Latest Mugshot Photoshoot
Tsarnaev Sister Threatened Boyfriend’s Ex With A Bomb Because She’s A Muslim Terrorist And A Tsarnaev And This Is What They Do Best
Ladies Night At TBSports: Will Women Read Our Official Rankings Of NFL Teams Blog?