Duckfaced Webster/Thompson Junior Smokeshows Arrested For Driving Drunk Over 100 MPH Into Oxford, Caught Hiding Under Tarp
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Wait, wait, wait. These chicks were going over 100 mph on Route freaking 12?? And they still couldn’t get away? How dumb can you be? Do they not realize that they just crossed into a state where weed is now legal? (yea, I know they’re not 21, but I feel like cops don’t even wanna deal with weed anymore) If they had just pulled over at worst they would get a DUI. You call up our boy Tony Salerno and he’ll get you the best deal possible. But instead they decided that they’d make their getaway into Oxford. Because the cops would never think to look for your shit for brains in Oxford.
And for what it’s worth, these chicks probably could’ve duckfaced their way out of a ticket. Because Alyssa Groh and Teryn Johnson are quite possibly the only junior smokeshow extraordinares we’ve ever publicly shamed on here. .
Would. Obviously. These aren’t your typical Webster/North Grovesnerdale trap queens.
It’s cool though, because even though Teryn Johnson easily could’ve killed someone in her bootleg getaway attempt, she gets a free pass because she saved gay people by changing her Facebook profile picture after the Pulse Nightclub shooting:
I have to admit, I’m impressed with the fact that these chicks were actually willing to run into the woods in the middle of December. Because let’s be honest, these bootleg hoodrats don’t look like they could survive for 20 minutes in the wild. Well, at least one of them ran into the woods. The other one wasn’t as smart:
“A short time later, 20-year-old Teryn Johnson, of Quaddick Town Farm Road in Thompson, emerged from beneath a tarp by some barrels next to a building.”
Oh I see, she was treating the Oxford Police to a game of peek-a-boo. They’ll never find me under this tarp!!! Poor Teryn’s childhood record in hide and seek must’ve been worse than the Cleveland Browns.
Anyway, we can all agree that these girls are gigantic dildos for doing what they did, right? Oh wait, you mean people were lining up to make excuses for them? Shocking….
Ahh yes, the “everyone makes mistakes” guy. Usually he’s followed by the “only God can judge” hoodrat and the “were you there?” Rhodes scholar. And don’t forget the “worry about yourself” people:
Putnam’s finest, coming through with the hot takes!! Newsflash Justin – we ARE worried about our own lives. Your two twatwaffle friends easily could’ve killed anyone else out on the road that night because they didn’t wanna get a speeding ticket.
Then there’s this. Can’t say we’ve ever seen this one before, but it’s a good one:
But of course!!! That totally explains why they had to drive drunk 100 mph on a public street. Because the cops were trying to rape and/or murder them. It all makes sense now that the Putnam town rocket scientist has explained it to me. Because this is the face of a man who who clearly knows more about our judiciary system than anyone.
Uh-oh, looks like someone’s been doing some reading on Cop Block!!! These girls had no choice but to run from the cops because the alternative was being killed in jail and having your murder look like a suicide. Of course privileged folks wouldn’t understand what poor, oppressed souls like Teryn and Alyssa have to go through.
Anyway, we really, really need to do a bone ride down through Northeastern Connecticut after Christmas. Seems like a gold mine for Turtleboy material.
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