This is the perfect rainy day read; a trip back in Turtleboy nostalgia through the vast North Shore Ratchetsphere. Grab a nice hot cup of joe, throw a nip of Bailey’s in it, sit back and giggle with me.

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If you’re new to Turtleworld or were otherwise indisposed while the Revere Ratchet/Medford Pete saga was playing out back in April/May, you can catch up here:

Who is Medford Pete?

Why is Medford Pete so angry?

Medford Pete sets the record straight on TB Live

Now that that’s out of the way… you all didn’t think that The Grand Poobah of the junkie brigade would go away forever, did you? He’s up to (and with) his old tricks again, and seems to have acquired a few more along the way thanks to his Turtleboy exposure (you’re welcome, Petey!)

I don’t know what all of that was about, but it sounds very important.

Here’s the thing. if you take a gander through the old blogs, before Pervy Pete went into lockdown mode on the facebook machine, he has scrapbooks’ worth of photos of himself with significantly more attractive women – not that that is a hard metric given what we’re working with with Pete – who all happen to be higher than the International Space Station.

And every single chick featured therein is between the ages of 18 and 35. The 30-somethings look pretty rough, but then again, they’re aging in North Shore junkbox years, so it’s to be expected.

The setting is almost always the same place: the front seat of Pete’s Hyundai.

Thank GOD it’s not the backseat.

Anyway, in that giant wall of text, Pete is right about one thing: “The pictures of all my girls that I put up in the past are all trash.” Wiser words never spoken, my tubby friend.

The comments on his minor Facebook stroke were all I’d hoped they be, with guest appearances from some familiar faces

Michelle San Angelo is clearly Pete’s #1 Fan, and with good reason given his tar obtaining prowess.

She’s an otherwise lovely girl who is always bragging about her affinity for expensive submarine sandwiches, and having them delivered to her door

Juuuust kidding, those aren’t delicious Italian subs from the Big A in Malden, they’re suboxones. Junkie skittles, if you will.

Which is kinda funny, considering her brother met his untimely demise in a pedovan, needle in pocket and narcan at his side, parked in a stranger’s driveway down in FloriDUH

and Michelle had quite a lot to say on the matter

Guess feeding the junkboxes is her way of giving back in her brother’s honor? Who knows.

Anyway, Medford Pete has been on a tear lately, calling out ratchet vein-popping poonburgers from Malden to Hampton Beach. He posted a live video just this morning about a certain Methadone Mile Queen and her baby gravy spigot. Let’s take a look:

(Full disclosure, it’s 12 minutes of your life you’ll never get back)

Here’s a quick rundown: A well-known Syphilisaurus has been running up and down Methadone Mile in Boston with her bacon bazooka instigating fights and recording them. One such recent conquest by the dynamic duo, according to The Grand Poobah, was a one-legged, wheelchair-bound veteran whom they’re alleged to have beaten and robbed. Medford Pete says he has no problem smacking a bitch in this instance. He also calls for his junkie brigade to do the same should they see something like this in their travels on the Orange line to their daily clinic rendezvous. He’s not naming names, though.

Does this look like the face of a snitch? I think not.

Moving on… despite decrying the fact that he’s always “taken advantage of” by the lady junkasaurs, what with shoving cheeseburgers and other party favors down their gullets while he shuttles them to and fro, snapping pics to commemorate the occasions, look who he caught up with!

That would be Kristina Marie Elliott, the turkey baster baby mama of Dolores “Dee” Marino AKA Herpesaurus Hoodratchetous.

Quick note: I love that Pete’s mama is in the comments giving her baby boy a bit of a confidence boost! Just goes to show that a parent’s love is truly unconditional, if not a bit blind.

Kristina’s finally out of the clink and up to her old shenanigans, which makes for great reading material. Oh, and Dee is not the father, by the way. Kristina had the baby while locked up in South Bay early in 2017 and NSTB got a sneak peek. And while he’s beautiful and healthy (thank God) despite having his mother OD with him in utero among other things, he’s definitely not bore of Dee’s rotten crotch. Sorry, Dee!

So… clearly we have a lot more to catch up on here. Stay tuned for part 2 for a trip in the way-back machine with the lesbo cheesehogs of the Revere Ratchet Squad.