All-Star Criminals

Methface Beauty Queen Gets Busted – Knows Every Rancid Slimeball In N.H.

Methface Beauty Queen Gets Busted – Knows Every Rancid Slimeball In New Hampshire

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After falling into a massive food coma and then waking up to join in on TB live, your girl MV Turtle Bae spent a while surfing local pages at 1 a.m. because sleep is for the weak. After falling down the FB rabbit hole I stumbled across this back-country gem out of New Hampshire who got busted on Monday. Tia Reed was arrested for having a shit-ton of meth, heroin, baggies, scales etc. in her car in Franklin, N.H. It seems this drug toting wildebeest isn’t new to getting picked up for dope and has been arrested before with a bunch of other dirtballs back in 2015.


It’s like a toothless Hollywood Squares lineup of people who make my skin itch. Stunning, no? So this girl is young in the picture above and was only 19 when it was taken. Not too shabby looking compared to these other Faces Of Meth contestants. I especially like the sweaty oaf in the upper right-hand corner who looks like a cranked out Porky Pig. You know that guy is breathing like James Gandolfini after some light cardio.

Here’s what Tia Reed looks like in her latest Glamour Shot curtesy of the Franklin PD:


Yikes! See boys and girls? This is why you don’t do meth. Sure, the initial side effects like cleaning your entire house at 3 a.m. and losing that pesky freshman 15 seem alluring, but in only a couple of years your face looks like it was dragged under an 18 wheeler. That shit is permanent and nobody wants to look like the evil witch from Snow White before they enroll in a 401k.

We scoped out the comment section on the Franklin Police Department’s Facebook page and it was everything you’d expect it to be. People tagging friends to come gawk at her mugshot and the usual “don’t judge her, her family can see these comments” soft-hearted morons who don’t see anything wrong with her pushing drugs out of her car so she can feed her own habit. But then we get these dipshits who hijacked the comment section to have a pissing contest to prove who knows more about drugs and who is the superior addict… Because that’s a title most normal people are dying to claim, right?


So after I got bored with reading through the comments from the Certified Rocket Scientists Organization of the Live Free Or Die state, I decided to creep through her friends list to see how many of them look normal and how many of them look like they smell like mold and poor choices. (Most of them fit into the second description). I OBVIOUSLY decided to click on this girls profile pic because it’s just a photo of some crusty looking money and boy was I not disappointed.



If they ever start casting for a new season of Flavor Of Love this chick is a shoe-in. Ok so then I see that Mandee is mighty fine friends with honey-bunches-of-scrotes, Josh Pike. The very first photo you see on her FB is of this man-muffin looking fresh to death.


And who do we see in the comments telling him to take this photo down before someone makes a meme out of it? Tony DeYoung‘s homeslice, Mandie. How perfect is this 6 degrees of slum separation? Now I can’t be POSITIVE, but I’m fairly certain that the debutante he’s making out with in his photos is Tia Reed. Somehow all of the other females on his Facebook seem to be spoken for, although I’m not sure how. Perhaps their parents arranged for them to be married to their cousins by the time they’re 16. Check out these two lovebirds:



Personally, I would rather let the New Bedford Foodstampoptamai duo smother me with their un-holstered ta-ta’s and mammoth man arms than see the above photo ever again. You can check out Josh’s entire FB photo lineup for yourself. It’s ripe with relationship quotes and all of the flat brimmed, mirror selfie ratchet goodness you need to get your day started. As always Turtleriders, keep it 100%… And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make a million memes of this guys face. I will love you forever.




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12 Comment(s)
  • Kerilyn
    April 5, 2021 at 1:34 pm

    You all love talking fucking shit. The “Methface Beauty queen” you all wanna put down and talk shit about is somebody I grew up with since kindergarten. That’s somebody’s sister, daughter, and bestfriend. Don’t fucking judge if you have never been in the shoes of the drug. Fuck off and leave her and everybody else you talk shit about alone.

  • June 2, 2017 at 4:44 am

    Glad to inertan you guy

  • KimberlyS
    March 29, 2017 at 3:22 pm

    Can’t stop seeing the cottage-cheese thighs . . . *shudder*

  • Hanginpossum
    March 29, 2017 at 12:49 pm

    Nice Rorschach test inspired tattoo

  • EBT Plus
    March 29, 2017 at 11:24 am

    Premature aging to say the least. Even dark lighting doesn’t help the scary look.

  • Joe
    March 29, 2017 at 9:44 am

    “The Meth head bunch”, “The Meth head bunch” that’s the way they became the “THE METH HEAD BUNCH!”

    • turtlefan
      March 29, 2017 at 10:36 am

      Here’s the story of a fugly lady…….

  • RapChick
    March 29, 2017 at 9:27 am

    So many great one liners in this I dunno where to begin….. Bahahaha
    Turtle bae just made my day (oh look, it rhymes!)

  • whatevuh
    March 29, 2017 at 9:08 am

    Yikes, what a bunch of shit-stains . . . my head hurts looking at their FB profiles. Can’t we find a humane way to exterminate them? I mean, we do it with animals right?

  • TurtleBiach
    March 29, 2017 at 9:06 am

    ” looking like Gandolfini after light cardio”…


    Dude is a fab shade of gray. His days are numbered.

    • Hugh Beaumont
      March 29, 2017 at 12:16 pm

      breathing like…. RIF

    • on it's back
      May 22, 2017 at 1:38 pm

      You can’t make this shit up!

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