This is Melissa Pendlebury from Nashua.
She’s the bearer of five crotch fruits, one of whom she has custody. According to neighbors her free range ovary nuggets run up and down her street barefoot and unsupervised, and one of them is special needs and constantly wanders into people’s fire escapes.
Eight years ago she made headlines when one of her semen demons fell down a laundry shoot. And according to ratchet law the child’s name must rhyme with Aidan.
Cayden Leger’s parents woke up Thanksgiving morning to the terrified screams of their 2-year-old son. It sounded like he was inside the walls.
Cayden, Jayden, Rayden, Kaiden, Hayden, Braden, Ninja Gayden – if you name your kid something that rhymes with Aidan, you are a full blown ratchet. That’s just science.
Of course she slept through it all.
“I woke up to him screaming so, so loud,’’ said Melissa Pendlebury, Cayden’s mother. “Everybody was running around trying to figure out where he was.’’ The young boy, who only suffered minor injuries, slid down an old laundry chute on the second floor of the home and got tangled in wires, suspended in the dark, Pendlebury said.
“We’ve lived here for three and a half years,’’ Pendlebury, 34, said. “They’ve thrown a few toys down there.’’ But she never thought any of her four children would ever try to slide down the chute.
Anyway, she’s back in the news.
Union Leader: A 41-year-old Nashua woman faces a felony charge after police said she stole “a significant amount of cash and jewelry.” Police charged Melissa Pendlebury of 35 B Harvard St. Friday with burglary. The theft goes back to March 15, police said in a news release. “Information was later received that Pendlebury was involved,” the news release states. Detectives of the Criminal Investigation Division investigated and an arrest warrant was issued for Pendlebury. The Hudson Police Department also had an active arrest warrant for Pendlebury, charging her with abandoning a vehicle, a violation-level offense. A Class A felony is punishable by up to 15 years imprisonment. Pendlebury was released on personal recognizance bail with an arraignment date to be determined.
This Nashua Nut Vacuum almost got away with it too. That’s an 8 month investigation, so I’m guessing she stole a lot of jewelry. Shortly after the heist she was posting about Karma on Facebook.
Well now you’re on Turtleboy, so it looks like you’re finally a gangster now.
She also showed up on a post about her arrest on the Info NH Facebook page and decided to defend her honor, which is always a high percentage move.
Listen Nuv Vacuum, the only shocker at the end of this is gonna be the one Big Wanda gives you in D block in exchange for your Ho-Ho’s.
She also had an outstanding warrant for abandoning her vehicle in Hudson, which gives her plenty of time to wander aimlessly through the neighborhood looking for the poon polyps the state forcefully took from her.
If she’s still looking for Cayden, Shaden, and Zaden then maybe she should check the laundry chute again.
Anyway, Melissa seems like she wants to clear her good name and is in the mood for some talking, so feel free to hit me up girl and I’ll have you on the live show this weekend. Message Clarence Woods Emerson on Facebook or email email@example.com.
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