All-Star Criminals

Skinny Jeaned Queefcake Tries Stealing Puppy From Cranston Store, Fails Miserably, Turns Out He’s Been Arrested For Shoplifting And Larceny A Billion Times

Skinny Jeaned Queefcake Tries Stealing Puppy From Cranston Store, Fails Miserably, Turns Out He’s Been Arrested For Shoplifting And Larceny A Billion Times


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Saw this post out of Cranston today on the Facebook machine, from the Puppy Palace Pet Salon:

Social media is an amazing innovative device for shaming and catching bad guys. Skinny queens like this used to be able to snatch up puppies and get away with it. Not anymore though. Of course the most embarrassing part is that he didn’t even get the puppy because he got punked down by two women named Cyndi and Geri. Fail.

It took all of an hour for hundreds of people to share the post, because nothing pulls on people’s heartstrings like missing puppies. And of course he was immediately identified by his Facebook page:

Guess who his favorite bouncing ball team is?

The hat!! Naturally. This picture was actually posted to his Facebook page in 2013, way before every ratchet in America was rocking the flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat. In many ways he is a douchebag pioneer.

And no flat brimmed chudstuffer can resist the urge of the Facebook dog filter:

They’re drawn to it like food stamps.  Was he trying to steal the dog because he thinks he’s a dog and was trying to find someone that would actually mate with him? I dunno. I’m not a detective. Could be though. Too soon to tell.

As you can see, he is as douchetastic as you can get. It should be illegal for a grown man to take this many duckfaced selfies:

According to people on Cyndi’s Facebook page his real name is Aaron Naylor. And Aaron Naylor is all up in the Rhode Island Judiciary Portal…..

Guess what he’s always getting arrested for? Yup, shoplifting!!



Although he does like to mix it up by sprinkling in some larceny and computer fraud


Some breaking and entering


And of course the most basic ratchet offense – driving without a license, with bonus points for obstructing an officer:

Cranston, Warwick, West Warwick – he’s pretty much robbed half of Rhode Island. And as you can see, he’s not very good at it. But yet he keeps trying anyway. Wicked smart.

Oh, and he’s too poor to afford an attorney, but he can pay for bail:

Glad to see this 30 year old man has changed his ways after being arrested five million times back in the day. Welcome to Turtleboy Hall of Shame queefcake.




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11 Comment(s)
  • Bfunk
    September 13, 2017 at 5:44 pm

    Shoutout from Philly, Turtleboy. This site makes my day, every day. Wish you would open a branch down this way to document the Delco hoodrats we have roaming around here, you’d have a field day.

  • Patti Gucci
    September 13, 2017 at 1:48 pm

    His drag/stage name is “Felony Melanie!”

  • Imrubberyoureglue
    September 13, 2017 at 10:52 am

    Damn thats a lot of charges wth if i ever got arrested for anything i just know my ass would be in jail for yrs cause it don’t matter about race or gender its about a specific type of person. People like this get away with years of shit until they do something big like kill someone then you read they have 30 felonies wth

    I have a clean record been on my own since a week after my 18th birthday which was 1987! Was a divorced single mom working 2-3 jobs and yeah when my son was at his dads i did whatever but never arrested nor in trouble cause guess what? I knew my ass had to be at work on Monday ugh! Lol bought my first house at 27, no college for me i had to make money. People like this with a family support system piss me off cause they don’t know how lucky they are!

  • Peckerwood
    September 12, 2017 at 10:42 pm

    Shoplifting is a Gypsy’s favorite pastime.

  • whatevuh
    September 12, 2017 at 10:34 pm

    total waste of oxygen, kill it with fire before it lays eggs

  • They call,me Ponch
    September 12, 2017 at 8:52 pm

    The moniker of touch hole comes to mind.

  • ElJefe72
    September 12, 2017 at 8:18 pm

    Do people like this wake up every day thinking of new and different ways to break the law? What a miserable existence.

  • Stan the man
    September 12, 2017 at 5:16 pm

    TGI Fridays?
    Are they even open anymore?
    How 80s

  • Lisa flood
    September 12, 2017 at 4:54 pm

    I am old school and keep hearing Donny Osmond singing And it must be pupppppy lovvvve. Stupid boy is another that comes to mind

    September 12, 2017 at 4:38 pm

    This queen has had more Rhode Island dick inside him than a urinal at the Dublin Donuts Center. Just sayin

  • Mark D
    September 12, 2017 at 4:05 pm

    Haha! What a loser!

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