Springfield EBT-Rex Steals iPhone From Guy’s Truck, Takes Selfies And Pictures Of Drug Dealing Equipment, Doesn’t Realize How iCloud Works

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Here’s your local 413 scumbags of the day…..

Mistake #1 – “This past Saturday night I was out with family in Springfield MA.” No explanation needed.

Mistake #2 – Leaving iPhone in truck in Springfield.

Mistake #3 – No password protection on phone. I know it’s a pain in the ass to type it in every time you wanna use your phone, but it will save you from so many embarrassing but dials and/or Turtleboy Jr going through your phone and deleting all your apps before handing it to you and saying “Dada – broke.”

Normally mistakes like this will cost you. A smart thief would’ve pawned that thing for heroin by now. But this rare species of the Springfield EBT-Rex decided to take selfies first, to celebrate the reincarnation of their Obamaphone. What they were planning on doing with those pictures remains a mystery. Smart people would realize that it was only a matter of time until the phone got shut off and they’d never have access to those priceless memories from their section 8 apartment again. But the Springfield EBT-Rex is not a species of wildlife that is known for being particularly smart. Nevertheless, despite their lack of decision making skills, this particular group of animals is not in danger of going extinct due to their exceptional ability to reproduce at will.

Oh, and the of the digital scale was a nice touch. Ya know, just to rub it in that they don’t have jobs or pay taxes, they collect from the government, and they sell drugs for a living. I know what you’re thinking – aren’t they a little old to be selling drugs? Don’t be fooled by their pictures. They might look wicked old, but that’s only because they’ve lived in Springfield for so long. In real life they’re probably about 39 years old, which is the equivalent of 67 in Springfield years.

Oh, and this was hilarious:

So I guess these people are the Sarai Rivera’s of Springfield.

Figures.

So this poor guy Jim McSweeney must’ve never heard of Turtleboy before because he made a big mistake afterwards:

Of course they didn’t pick up your story. If it doesn’t involve a cop using foul language to drug dealers then it won’t fit their narrative. Two scumbag drug dealers leeching off the system and stealing people’s property? That’s a part of society the mainstream media will always go out of its way to pretend doesn’t exist.

Luckily he has some friends that guided him in the right direction:

And here we are now.

Might be a long shot here, but does anyone recognize these winners? You might’ve seen last seen them holding signs for Richie Neal. If so, please let us know. Something tells me they don’t have Facebook so it won’t be as fun, but at least we could get a name. I know the Springfield Police read this blog, so maybe there’s something they can do. Ya know, since they know exactly where the phone is and exactly who stole it. I’m sure a stolen iPhone isn’t high on their list of priorities, since Princeza Aponte is out on bond for the 400th time and running amok in the city. But this one seems like it would take 15 minutes to get to the bottom of. Oh yea, and it looks like from the photo evidence that when they raid this gypsy den they’re probably gonna find that these EBT-Rex’s are selling coke too.

Just sayin.

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