Hoodrat Heroes

The Guy Who Got Shot By A 15 Year Old With A Sawed Off Shotgun In Webster Dunkin Donuts Parking Lot Is Everything You Dreamed He Would Be And More

The Guy Who Got Shot By A 15 Year Old With A Sawed Off Shotgun In Webster Dunkin Donuts Parking Lot Is Everything You Dreamed He Would Be And More

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Meanwhile in Webster…….

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Nothing to see here. Just a 15 year old shooting someone with a sawed off shotgun in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot in broad daylight. Pretty standard Wednesday afternoon in Webduh.

All the ratchets in town were buzzin about the news when this first happened:

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Apparently when you live in Oxford you are allowed to be white and still use the n word, so long as you are discussing your friends who were involved in a shooting at the Webster Dunkin Donuts.

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I remember this chick:

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When you name your kid Jade Anderson, you might as well trade in her birth certificate for an application to the Fuzzy Grape Mario’s Showplace.

Naturally the “victim,” Thomas Lareau, traveled through Dudley (AKA the ratchet expressway) to Webster’s ugly twin sister – Southbridge, where he kept it real and didn’t snitch. Does this look like the kind of guy who doesn’t keep it 100?

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You don’t snitch and wear pants like that. Everyone knows that.

You’ll never guess who Tom Lareau’s favorite basketball team is……

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A flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat? Never saw that one coming.

After someone on the Webster Police Facebook page speculated that Tom Lareau was shot in retaliation after robbing the 15 year old in a drug deal, he had to show up to defend his honor:

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He NVR took shot from noone!! Get it right yo!!! Does this look like the face of someone who EVR took shot from somone?

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Alright, I’m not gonna lie – if I saw that face I might shoot him too. The defendant is gonna have a pretty strong case at trial:

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is there anyone among you right now who looks at this man and doesn’t have the slightest urge to shoot him in the face?”

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The defense rests.

Apparently it wasn’t just $300 he was robbed of. It was $300 worth of Jordan’s:

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Because it doesn’t matter how poor you are, or what kind of shithole you live. When you’re a junior hoodrat, the only thing that matters is ALWAYS having the newest pair of Jordan’s. Healthcare? Wack. College fund? Gay. The only thing that matters is a fresh pair of Jordan’s.

And in one of the least surprising moves of all time, guess who he fornicated with in the last calendar year?

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Yup, Kacey Crombie. The same Webster gutterslug who filmed her brother and another local ding-dong trying to fight the Webster Police in a bedroom and getting their asses kicked as a result.

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The same chick who was interviewed on the garbage media outlet known as NECN, and told them that the Webster Police should be fired.

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This guy’s chudstuffer was drawn to her penis fly trap like it had a ratchet magnet inside of it.

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Oh, and if you recall from that incident with the Webster Police in October, Kacey’s friend Meaghan was the one that evaded capture from the cops:

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Guess who she’s dating now?

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Yup, Kacey’s brother!! Unfortunately for her Josh had to do a couple months in the Worcester County House of Corrections for assaulting a police officer. Luckily she had control of his Facebook while he was gone:

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But unfortunately for Josh he found out she wasn’t loyal while he was doing his time:

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Anyway, back to Tom Lareau. Apparently he didn’t like the fact that he would inevitably end up in a Turtleboy blog as a result of his antics:

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Keep keepin it 100 dog!! Don’t worry, the taxpayers will take care of your medical bills, and then you can get right back to beefin with 15 year olds with sawed off shotguns in the Webster Dunkin Donuts parking lot.

P.S. Need this shirt:

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29 Comment(s)
  • Madcow not Rachel
    March 28, 2017 at 9:17 pm

    Do these fuckin maggots actually reproduce??? Living proof that the Indians fucked buffaloes……….

  • FuckinSwagYo
    March 27, 2017 at 12:25 pm

    Turtle boy shitting on the kid who was shot? I thought he couldn’t get any lower. lol.

    • claphita
      March 27, 2017 at 3:18 pm

      in the best world, both parties would have been shot

  • Wabbitt
    wabbitt
    March 26, 2017 at 12:33 pm

    So… Josh Crombie was in lock up on March 1? Because on March 11 him and one of his buddies tried to jump some kid in the lobby of McDonald’s. Both he and Kasey were drunk (at 1 in the afternoon), and when the manager and maintenance guy jumped in to stop the right, Josh shoved the maintenance guy into a wall before getting in the manager’s face and screaming, “What the fuck you gonna do you bald ass nigga??”

    The entire crew then ran outside and jumped in a car, with Kasey as the drunken getaway driver.

    • Fred
      March 26, 2017 at 1:45 pm

      Yeah, and….?

      • Lt Dan
        March 26, 2017 at 2:08 pm

        Nothing screams small town wanksta like terrorizing the local Mickey D’s

        • Fred
          March 26, 2017 at 4:11 pm

          Like biting the hand that literally feeds you

  • Rob Roy
    March 26, 2017 at 12:27 pm

    You guys are great i always have my eyes posted for any scammers or worthless trash trying to live the ratchet life

  • Emily
    March 26, 2017 at 12:23 pm

    These guys make a weekend in the canal district feel like the upper west side!

  • TIG OLE BITTIES
    March 26, 2017 at 11:27 am

    These retarded white kids using the N word is so lame, I wish MLK would come back and slap them all in the face and they can all go back to saying “dude” like when I was a kid.

  • TIG OLE BITTIES
    March 26, 2017 at 11:23 am

    Jesus, I live on the Lake and will be staying east of exit 2 from now on. Thank God for honey dew.

    • Lt Dan
      March 26, 2017 at 11:49 am

      Their are def two separate Websters.

      You normal bastards should secede asap

      • Wabbitt
        wabbitt
        March 26, 2017 at 12:36 pm

        No fucking way. Without the tax money from the rich people living by the lake, the rest of the town would descend into anarchy. And I can’t afford to move.

        • Lt Dan
          March 26, 2017 at 12:52 pm

          The rest of the town has been slowly descending into chaos as the old Polacks ha e been dying off.

          Sorry friend, but their needs to be an East Webster.

          • Lt Dan
            March 26, 2017 at 12:55 pm

            I realize I’ve used the word “their/there” incorrectly in these comments twice now and feel shame

  • UsualSuspect
    UsualSuspect
    March 26, 2017 at 9:03 am

    Attention all hoodrats, when you are battling your peers for ghetto supremacy, shoot to kill and do us all a favor. One shitstain dies, one goes to prison, kinda like a BOGO sale.

  • ZephyrCat
    March 26, 2017 at 8:54 am

    Wood!

  • Gtizzle
    March 26, 2017 at 7:39 am

    I hate when people use the $ after the amount of money they “was gettin jacked for, yo.” It’s $300, not 300$. Ugh. Between that and the hats, this n-word deserved a cap in his ass.

  • whatevuh
    WHATEVUH
    March 26, 2017 at 6:02 am

    And the hoodrat lifestyle claims more victims. Never be productive . . . EVER . . . . their lives are over already

  • Strata
    March 26, 2017 at 6:02 am

    It’s funny, they don’t even realize how goofy they look in those hats. Some people just choose to have a crappy bitter existence. Sad really

  • Twat tickler
    March 26, 2017 at 5:25 am

    I wonder how fuzzy their grapes are?

    • Turd Burglestein
      March 26, 2017 at 5:54 am

      Grapes??? More like raisins.

  • ktous720
    hahahaohreally
    March 26, 2017 at 12:36 am

    Everything is Webster is related. It’s like 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon, only with all Webster ratchets.

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      March 26, 2017 at 12:34 pm

      It’s true. Every dirtbag knows each other, and they’re all known by the police.

      • Lt Dan
        March 26, 2017 at 12:47 pm

        Webster cops have the funniest fucking stories

  • Vanilla Ice
    March 25, 2017 at 11:33 pm

    I didn’t know at the time, I had no idea this would happen in the future.

  • Publius
    March 25, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    God hoodrats are the worst. Can’t call them losers because it gives losers a bad name.

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