Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Sweet 16: Cheesehog Region – Vote For Which Ratchets Should Advance To The Elite 8
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The voting is completed for Sweet 16 round of the Fupasloth Region in Turtleboy Sports first annual Ratchet Madness Tournament. Here’s which two ratchet have advanced to the Elite 8:
Honestly, I thought the second matchup was a harder choice. Joe Amoroso is such a dick sandwich. But he’s gone now, and 11th seeded Amanda Lacroix’s magical ratchet Cinderella story continues. She’ll face off against Blackstone house of horrors Mom Erika Murray to decide who advances to the Final Four.
Here’s what the bracket looks like now:
Time to vote who will advance in the Cheesehog region. As usual we will be including links to relevant blogs on each ratchet so you can have something to reference, as well as a tale of the tape which will allow you to make an informed decision. With that said, here are our two matchups today…..
Case for Michelle Dubois:
- Used her influence as a State Representative to tip off Brockton drug dealers that federal agents were planning a raid so that undocumented immigrants made sure to call in sick to work that day.
- Claims to work for American citizens
90%95% of the time.
- Used temporary fame to solicit pity cash from democratic donors with campaign fundraiser.
- Illegally used her PayPal account for campaign contributions, violating campaign finance rules .
Case against Michelle Dubois:
- Really more of a social justice warrior than a ratchet.
- Has a full set of teeth, hasn’t faked a pregnancy, gotten into a viral fight video, or tried to sell food stamps on Facebook.
Case for Gabbie Hebert:
- Bangs junkies.
- Act as getaway driver for junkie boyfriend after other junkies and him rob a drug dealer and run him over with a car.
- Slightly crazy and possessive, and goes psycho on any chick that appears to be friendly to her junkie boyfriend on Facebook.
- Claims to be a veteran who served her country with our ally North Korea in their ongoing war.
- Claimed to be pregnant, and later claimed to have a miscarriage due to our blog.
- Started using her Dad’s Facebook page to yell at anyone who said something negative about her, not realizing that she was making it plainly obvious that it was her.
- Sends every dude in her National Guard unit nice pics of her booty.
Case against Gabbie Hebert:
- Has a “disease.”
- Might be a CIA agent working undercover in North Korea.
Case for Mary Louise Hill:
- Was getting railed by her drug dealer because she thought her boyfriend was at work.
- Boyfriend walks in mid-thrust, she yells “rape” and her boyfriend beats the drug dealer to death with a shovel.
- Gives insane interview, high out of her mind, outside the courtroom where her boyfriend was arraigned.
- Coincidentally has court that same exact day and ends up going to jail on warrants, but she’s been to jail a million times so it’s not big deal.
Case against Mary Louise Hill:
- Has a “disease.”
Case for Trashley Losapiho:
- Daughter of a judge who gets off on banging gangsters like Giancarlo Zambrano, the twin brother of cop killer Jorge Zambrano.
- Has world class thunder thighs, making her a common object of lust for some of society’s biggest derelicts.
- Used her position in the probation department to give up classified information on state’s witnesses to gangsters so they could intimidate them into not testifying in court.
- Often goes on exotic vacations, paid for by her drug dealing scumbag boyfriend.
- Was born with a silver spoon in her mouth, but CHOSE to become ratchet anyway.
Case against Trashley Losapiho:
- Slightly cares about physical appearance, and comes across as non-ratchet in public.
This is a tough region folks. To me there are three very strong candidates who could or should emerge. Whichever one it is will be a force to win the whole thing. Vote wisely like you did in the Fupasloth Region. Tomorrow we will announce the winners and move on to the Sweet 16 round in the Chudstuffer Region.
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