Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Sweet 16: Chudstuffer Region – Vote For Which Ratchets Should Advance To The Elite 8

Get the newest Turtleboy Sports t-shirt (as seen on the Felger and Mazz show) by clicking the picture above.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

The voting for who should advance in the Sweet 16 round of the Cheesehog Region of Turtleboy Ratchet Madness is completed. One was extremely close, the other was not. Here’s who will be advancing:

Last night Mary Louise Hill was up 56%-44%. This morning, that happened. It’s one of the greatest comebacks we’ve seen. Guess people suddenly remembered that although Mary Louise Hill is ratchet as hell, Trashley Losapi-ho is a gangsta sperm sponge and corrupt probation department employee, who uses her judge of a father’s influence to stay out of prison. She’s got her work cut out for her in the Elite 8 though. Gabbie Hebert is on fire right now!! Only one can go to the Final 4. We’ll find out who next week.

Onto the Chudstuffer Region. Here’s what the bracket looks like now:

As usual we will be including links to relevant blogs on each of the four ratchets in play so you can have something to reference, as well as a tale of the tape which will allow you to make an informed decision. With that said, here are our two matchups today…..

1. Uxbridge Gypsy Church vs. 5. Sarah Burke webcam mom

Case for Uxbridge Gypsy Church:

• Well known gypsies who scam people with gypsy paving company that has F rating from BBB
• Older brother David Stanley claims to be prophet while younger brother Dennis Stanley is archangel and also serves as DJ during sermons
• Often hump things during bizarre sermons and take their clothes off
• Perform exorcisms, including at the 1:03 mark in the video below
• Got into a standoff with the police when Dennis Stanley wouldn’t comply with a warrant for his arrest after domestic incident with wife
• Brainwash girls, many of whom are underage runaways, to believe they are the prophets, and several of them sleep in their beds and hump their cars on court days
• Wear gypsy style clothing, complete with oversized belt buckles
• Also brainwash their own children and force them to grow long gypsy hair

Case against Uxbridge Gypsy Church:

• Somehow live in gigantic house in suburban Uxbridge
• Don’t need to resort to GoFundMe scams or sell food stamps on Facebook
• Don’t wear pajama pants in public

Case for Sarah Burke:

• Sells her body to strange men on webcam shows as she cleans her house like a naughty maid
• Stars in homemade pornographic POV movies
• Uses her personal Facebook page, which includes several pictures of her children, to sell her body to strange men
• Goes on long-winded rants about the high quality of her “bomb pussy” on Facebook
• Once told Turtleboy he had no dick, and then later said she wanted to have Turtle babies

Case against Sarah Burke:

• Has a “disease”

6. Heather Philip vs. 15. Robert Alston

Case for Heather Philip:

• Worked at Worcester strip club, but demoted to bartender
• Voluntary sperm sponge for cop killer Jorge Zambrano
• Drug dealer who sold drugs out of her apartment with 8 year old son living there
• Posts anti-police cartoons, and other memoirs to dead loser boyfriend on Facebook

Case against Heather Philip:

• Really more of a piece of shit than a ratchet

Case for Robert Alston:

• Nickname is “Boo Shameek”
• Uses influence of professional race-baiting mother to get paying, no-show gigs at social justice based non-profits in Worcester
• Owes crazy amounts of child support
• Tells people with cancer or AIDS that he’s happy they are dying
• Able bodied male adult who complains about having to fill out welfare forms
• Brags on social media about how easy it is to play off “white guilt” by using “dumb n words” to apply for government grants
• Really hates gay people and women

Case against Robert Alston:

• Really more of a criminal/gangsta than a ratchet

This is a TOUGH bracket. I honestly have no idea who is going to win either of these matchups. Heather Philip and Robert Alston have surprised me by even making it this far, but in hindsight they are both ratchet as hell. The Uxbridge gypsies are a kind of ratchet we’ve never seen before, while Sarah Burke is your old school run of the mill ratchet but to the extreme. You have 24 hours to make an informed decision about who should advance to the Elite 8 before we move onto the final Sweet 16 matchup in the Trap Queen Region.

We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.