Smiles And Sunshine

Vote For Your Favorite Ratchets To Advance To The Elite 8 In The Fupasloth And Cheesehog Regions

 

Loading...

Hey Fam, sorry about the delay for Ratchet Madness this week, totes forgot about it in the process of life happening and whatnot. So to finish the Sweet 16 in two days we’re gonna do two regions at a time this week. Today we’ll vote on who should advance in the Fupasloth and Cheesehog Regions.

I honestly don’t know who to vote for in some of these. They’re getting really hard. Luckily we give you links to relevant blogs on each ratchet, along with their bulleted ratchet resume so you can cast an informed vote after each matchup. You have 24 hours to vote.

 

1. Greg Bates vs. 4. Fleestone Light

1. Greg Bates

  • Uses a Facebook page with 35,000 followers as a weapon to extort cash, gift cards, and free food from legitimate restaurants all over the North Shore
  • Lied repeatedly about not demanding money from local businesses for promotion on his page
  • Trashes any business with fraudulent reviews if they don’t pay him
  • Uses gift cards on himself often instead of giving them to followers
  • Holds “raffles” in which fake accounts that he owns often win the raffles
  • Claimed to have raised over $200,000 for an autism charity, but gave barely over $10,000
  • Owes tends of thousands of dollars in child support and once went to jail for not paying
  • Told his kids he was going to commit suicide to get back at his wife after she left him
  • Pretended to be injured in order to try to collect disability from UPS
  • Falsely maligned a Peabody Police Officer and used his name to threaten a former advertiser who stopped advertising with him
  • Claimed that TD Bank was extorting him because he wanted to cash a check there and was not a customer
  • Stated in his divorce settlement that since his wife will no longer provide him with sex he has no choice but to purchase it, presumably from hookers
  • Once came into a restaurant minutes before closing with some buddies, used $300 worth of gift cards given to him that he was supposed to give away, tipped the waitress less than 5%
  • Used a gift card he was supposed to give away to purchase a toilet for huge dumps
  • Once lied and pretended his mother was dead for financial gain

 

 

4. Fleestone Light

  • Killed a woman during a hit and run in 2010
  • Fled her arraignment after asking to smoke a cigarette and went to jail for a few years
  • Came out and popped out multiple crotch fruits while pretending to have found God and gotten clean
  • Had warrants out for her arrest this summer after being pulled over without a license and giving cops a fake name
  • While out on bail and pregnant she began soliciting for free clothing and donations that she could sell for drug money
  • While 8 months pregnant and as a wanted fugitive she was seen on meth mile in Boston doing a zombie junkie jam before finally being apprehended

 

 

2. Franklin Smollett vs. 11. Boston Hit and Run Houdini

2. Franklin Smollett

  • Brought his aggressive and un-neutuered pitbulls to an Attleboro dog park where they humped a woman’s dog repeatedly
  • Stayed in car while this was happening, and only came out to berate and film the woman who asked him to get his dogs off of her’s
  • Posted video everywhere, claimed she’s a racist without evidence
  • Came on our show and embarrassed himself after lecturing us about white privilege
  • Has open case for felony domestic assault against him
  • Blames the victim of his assault, who he is not allowed to contact but does anyway
  • Messaged family members of the assault victim calling the victim a ho and other choice words
  • The victim was his girlfriend and a junkie stripper who he supplies with drugs
  • Filmed himself bringing another junkie to Providence to confront and beat her in the streets for stealing drugs from him
  • Associates openly with violent felons
  • Was arrested days after being exposed by us for drug dealing
  • Was supposed to go on Inside Edition but it was cancelled after we alerted them of his true character, he blamed this on white privilege

 

11. Boston Hit and Run Houdini

  • Hit and killed a man in Boston and didn’t stop
  • When the news found out where he lived he did an incriminating interview, admitted to killing the man, and claimed that lots of people hit and run all the time
  • Said that he’s a gangsta, but a good gangsta
  • Previously assaulted his mailman who defended himself against his aggressive dog
  • Plans to be a rich and famous rapper
  • Makes movies showing himself “chillin”
  • Frequently posts about how racist society is oppressing him, along with choice words for the police and FBI
  • Ironically calls police cowards

 

 

 

 

1. Maude the Fraud vs. 5. Freetown Fap Weasel

1. Maude the Fraud

  • Lied about being raped as a 13 year old in order to win a beauty contest
  • Lied about having cancer in high school because she didn’t want to be one-upped by a sick girl who was getting more attention than her
  • Got caught cheating in multiple ultra-marathons after posting about her victories on Instagram for likes
  • Made national news when she pretended to be offended by a harmless #MeToo Dad joke at a pageant that she had already lost, throwing her sash in the trash in a dramatic look at me moment
  • Pretended to be a student at Brown
  • Made her grandmother’s death all about her
  • Dropped out of high school and ended up going to bootleg online school where she was the commencement speaker for a graduation of 8 kids
  • Pretended to be suicidal for attention multiple times, and even went to the Sagamore Bridge and took pictures pretending like she was contemplating jumping off

 

 

5. Freetown Fap Weasel

  • Oldest looking 32 year old ever
  • Claimed that New Bedford police were harassing her in Walgreen’s, likely because she was there to purchase drugs
  • Posted on Facebook that the cops were “PIG NI***AS” and suggested via emoji that she would be shooting them
  • Used the phrase “candy camera” to refer to herself filming them
  • Does Facebook updates from the women’s shelter every time she breaks up with a new boyfriend
  • Often has newest boyfriend photograph her getting ready to take it from behind
  • Posted picture with thirsty boyfriend at the clinic
  • Complained about the cops finding stolen bikes on her property which were confiscated
  • Threatened to sue Uncle Turtleboy and alleged that his family is ugly

 

 

 

2. Medford Meth Maggots vs. 3. Juicin Jeremy

2. Medford Meth Maggots

  • Neglected daughter to the point where she was covered in urine and was malnourished before the daughter ended up being raised by grandma
  • Had another baby who lives with the at the shelter on Meth Mile
  • Well adjusted older crotch fruit is now living normal life, naturally they want her to live at the shelter with them so they can ruin all the progress she’s made
  • Went on Dr. Phil thinking that they were stars, and were surprised to find out that they were the bad guys for wanting the kid back from her sister
  • Documented and livestreamed ghetto performances before the Dr. Phil show, ordering room service smoothies, clearly showing that they thought they were stars for appearing on Dr. Phil
  • Posted incessantly afterwards about Dr. Phil being a fraud for setting them up
  • His long term plan is becoming a famous rapper, has hit videos of himself and his homie freestyling at mini-mart where hoodboogers buy blunts
  • Bragged about toxicology reports showing that they only had methadone in their system, and believing this makes them clean
  • Made hilarious rebuttal video to being on Turtleboy Sports

 

3. Juicin Jeremy

  • Has a long and documented history of conning attractive women into dating him, despite being perpetually unemployed and broke
  • Has been accused by multiple ex-girlfriends of domestic violence, including throwing a woman’s face into a suitcase because she said the wrong thing to him
  • Got newest girlfriend Tanya Hall killed after starting beef with a biker gang at a bar in Manchester, including one armed individual who shot up his Jeep
  • Got his Jeep from other girlfriend who Tanya didn’t know about who he was also conning
  • Started GoFundMe for Tanya without family’s permission and gave them nothing in proceeds
  • Wasn’t invited to Tanya’s wake or funeral
  • Went on TV whining about how much he loved her with fakest crocodile tears ever
  • Lied to other women about his relationship with Tanya, who was paying for everything and seemed to be into him
  • Tried to get custody of Tanya’s son, who he is not related to, because he falsely claimed that the child thinks he’s Dad
  • Has long history of bizarre sexual messages he send to random women
  • Cried like a bitch after being arrested by the police for drug possession and driving without a license
  • Attempted to defend his honor on our Facebook page before being arrested
  • Put car for sale on Facebook marketplace after being arrested

 

 

 

 

Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:




Follow us on Youtube, SoundCloud, Twitter, and Facebook.

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 

 

Loading...
6 Comment(s)
  • greg bates the ass licker
    April 24, 2019 at 7:11 pm

    ha ha ha I saw some graffiti written on a shithouse stall wall about that faggot greg bates . I even took a picture of it, what a skinner

  • The Name Game
    April 24, 2019 at 4:50 pm

    1) Fleestone Light, aka Gina the Grave Angel. I did it for the kids.
    2) Houdini: Phocian Fitts in a jail cell. Hate that Milli Vanilli look. Sorry, Franklin, gotta go with the H&R @$$hole.
    3) Fapweasel Batty From Moronville: Again: for the kids. Maude’s just sad, you see.
    4) Meth Maggots Nick the Prick and Danielle the Spaniel. Third time, for the kids. Difficult, because Jeremy deserves all the Google trophies and notoriety. It’s a shame about Tanya, but the other women he conned should presumably seen through him much sooner than they did.

    I said, for the kids. An awful lot of Turtle-famous ratchets cry about how their kids will Google them when they’re older, and shouldn’t see the $#!+. I say, LET them see what poor examples of human beings their ovum and sperm donors were.

  • Sir Wilfred Death
    April 24, 2019 at 3:58 pm

    I caved. I voted for Maude. I couldn’t help myself. She’s just so fucked up. Jesus forgive me.

  • TheCureForHope
    April 24, 2019 at 3:28 pm

    This was a tough one, Uncle TB. Especially the last one (juicing Jeremy vs meth magnet). They are both disgusting assholes.

    Which is worse – neglecting your child so utterly and completely, and trying to get the other child, being well cared for and seemingly well adjusted.

    Or being a con man who constantly convinces women to support him financially and presumably sexually? He’s a total POS as well.

    But, in the end, I had to go with the child abuser. The women were hurt by juicin Jeremy as well. But hopefully they will eventually become to terms about it.

    This poor 6 year old will never recover.

    But they both deserve to rot in prison.

  • Hugh-Bo Mont
    April 24, 2019 at 2:31 pm

    no poll for franklin… i didn’t see it

    • The angry taint
      April 24, 2019 at 2:56 pm

      try reloading it, i was able to vote for that one

Comment on this Post

*

RELATED POSTS
Here Are The Most Popular Worcester Blogs From Turtleboy Sports History
I Am Turtleboy
Jeff Bauman Sends Big F You To Terrorist #2 By Impregnating Fiance