All-Star Criminals

We Found Newportia And Pink Biggums From Unbeweavable Brockton Fight Video And It’s No Surprise They Are Legit Crack Whores

We Found Newportia And Pink Biggums From Unbeweavable Brockton Fight Video And It’s No Surprise They Are Legit Crack Whores.

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So a couple days ago we did a hysterics write up about the craziest Brockton fight any of us have ever seen. It may go down in Turtle History as my best work. If you haven’t had a chance to read it I highly suggest you take some time out of your crappy gray Saturday and give it a go. Pee first. I wouldn’t want you to soak your pantaloons. 

Brockton 2 On 1 Crackbunny Fight Will Go Down In History As The Greatest Video Ever To Appear On The Internet

Basically, three Hoodrats got in to a fight on the worst corner in Brockton.

It’s probably my favorite fight video since the Auburn Mall Cheesehogs scaring Santa. These are the videos that will forever bring an emotional giggle tear to my eye. 

The whole fight between Weaveisha, Newportia, and Pink Biggums seems to have started over some crack. At one point, while locking weave horns with Weaveisha, Newportia, drops her rock and screams for Pink Biggums to find it. It’s simply the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. 
It even inspired us to name this move the “Hoodrat Helicopter!” 

We didn’t know who these fine females were, but thanks for some great tips, we found them! Well, two of them at least. We still aren’t sure who Weaveisha is but you’re welcome to identify her for us. 

Newportia, is none other than Chaquita McKoy! She’s bald in the video because she has a fine taste for bad wigs. 

Here is a picture of her, with her wig on, and posing with her friends in a rehab facility. 

It almost looks like an In Living Color reunion. 

Big surprise, she’s a hooker who has had a fabulous list of Google Trophies as she’s a street walking crackhead and they tend to spend a lot of time being arrested. 

Kita’s shining moment was when she made the news for stealing herself some honey buns from the same gas station that she threw down at. 

There was also that time she got bagged in a crack house. At least she had a warm place to stay when she wasn’t beating people up after getting arrested for shoplifting. 

Once I found Kita – it took me no time to figure out who Pink Biggums was. 

Meet Julie Cleary. 

She’s got an Ivy League education in handjobs and pickle puffing fo dollar. 

She’s obviously a sloppy beast and gets her family portraits done on Backpage. Since she was out street diving for crack rocks I’m guessing she doesn’t have custody of her kids. Shockah. 

Like Kita, Julie is also a thieving whore with a enormous shelf of Google Trophies! She’s such a cliche they refer to her as a “common streetwalker.” I wonder how extra she would have to be to be an “uncommon” one? 

But while her lucrative career of robbing people of purses at the mall and double-wrapping dongs in condoms was at full tilt, she decided that she really needed a GoFundMe to tide her over while she anxiously awaited for her social security to be approved because cancer. It takes a special kind of skank to fake cancer and not admit she blew a disc leaning in to all those car windows… 

I’m trying so hard not to lose faith in our search for Weaveisha. I’m praying someone sends us her name. 

After all kids, remember it’s not snitching if you’re talking to Auntie Turtlegirl! 

9 Comment(s)
  • julie cleary
    August 2, 2017 at 9:13 am

    this is julie cleary. i admit ive had a fucked up shameful passed. i have been clean and sober 6 months. no more “common streetwalking” or bright ideas like a gofundme page. i dont take offense to this im more sadened by this entire website n the boredom u all must have in ur lives to be ragging on people like me. deserved or not if u cant help an addict dont hurt one. plz take this down if possible. i am very ashed and guilty but i can only hope that this comment reaches somebody n they think about it. i apologize to God and those ive hurt but i owe the rest of u haters nothing. true i was a real fucked up individual and i own that. but today i live a different life and i am very proud of myself and so are the people who care about me and those people are all that matter. God bless u all n my apologies for those ive offended…. urs truely julie cleary… ps those articles are from 2011 i done my time n paid my dues

  • Wabbitt
    July 30, 2017 at 7:03 am

    In all fairness, common streetwalker is the legal term for a stereotypical prostitute; like the ladies in Providence giving the $20 knob slobbers.

    I can’t say that I’ve ever been hard up enough to pay anything that looks like either of these dumpster fires for sex. And any man that would? Dude… just use your hand. It’s less demeaning for the entire human race.

    • Sonny's Mom
      July 30, 2017 at 9:49 pm

      How does that differ from the “common nightwalker”?

  • whatevuh
    July 30, 2017 at 4:27 am

    Is “look at my huge ass” pictures a thing now? Apparently

  • gfldgadfly
    July 29, 2017 at 8:12 pm

    Haha love the post “you got ur HOLE future ahead of you”. Yup, I’d say that’s probably accurate.

  • Chris Rock
    July 29, 2017 at 5:39 pm

    Theres Black People and theres

    • whatevuh
      July 30, 2017 at 4:28 am

      I watched that yesterday, it’s a riot, and so true

  • Brian
    July 29, 2017 at 5:00 pm

    do black people only allow white women in their culture if they are fat pigs? sure seems that way

  • Brian
    July 29, 2017 at 4:59 pm

    Seriously a black mother names her kid Chaquita. There is ZERO chance a whore with that name will be anything but a crack whore

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