All-Star Criminals

Webster Wangsta Who Was Arrested For Stealing A $3,400 Necklace From Auburn Mall Sears Is The Most Ghettofabulous Hoodrat We’ve Ever Seen

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So on Friday Masslive published this article about some mushhead pulling a snatch and run at the Auburn Mall:

Police are searching for a man they say asked an employee at Kay Jewelers to see a $3,400 necklace so he could buy it for his girlfriend, but then snatched it from the employee’s hands and ran off. The theft inside the Auburn Mall store occurred around 6:30 p.m. Friday, according to Auburn Police. The man, who is white and in his 20s, asked to see the 22-inch gold chain. When the clerk held it up, the man took it, police said.


Yes!!! The Auburn Mall again!! It feels like just yesterday we were watching these cheesehogs go at it as a shocked and saddened Santa looked on at the layers of exposed blubber that will scar the small children who saw it forever:

What a brilliant plan!! It’s not like they’re gonna have cameras in the Auburn Mall. Nothing ever goes viral their. Ever.

We were gonna blog about it but then the weekend came and we kind of forgot. But we did notice that someone left this comment on Masslive’s story:

“Looks a little like the missing guy from CT., Todd Allen , I think is his name.”

Oh for fuck’s sake. Everything and everyone is TJ Allen these days. Give it a rest people.

Then we woke up today and found that the perp had turned himself into the APD:

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Webster. Shocking. Sometimes these blogs just write themselves. Although according to his Facebook page, he’s actually living in Worcester via Douglas:


Or maybe he just school-choiced there. Either way, Jeremy Brule has clearly spent a significant amount of his leisure time close to the railroad tracks in Webster.

His Facebook page is exactly what you imagined it would be too. First sign that you’re dealing with a slug rake – they use the dog filter in one of the first pictures you come across:


And he’s a real bad ass too, let me tell ya.


Whos’ gonna fuck with the King of Wallum Lake?






Hey Jeremy, ya know all those rappers you’re trying to emulate by flashing that ice? Yea, they’re doing that because they paid for that ice. Ya know, because they’re rich. That’s what makes them ghettofabulous – the fact that they’re blowing all their money on ice instead of investing it into their 401K. But you’re only allowed to flash the ice if you paid for it. Pulling a snatch and run at Sears isn’t nearly as glamorous as you apparently think it is.

It’s cool though. He had the money, he just didn’t want to part with it because he wanted to “keep the money close.”


He also wants everyone to know how well things are going for him because he can afford to smoke blunts to the dome while wearing a bootleg watch he stole from Savers.


And for a white boy who graduated from occasionally attended Douglas High School, he sure does like to use the “n” word:


This is probably the most appropriate meme ever posted. Jeremy Brule is broke. He needs to start saving money and he knows it. But then dark side Jeremy Brule chimes in and is like, nah son – acquire ice. So he does.

When one of his Webstacular rivals called him out on it, on Christmas morning nonetheless, it turned into a wannabe junior hoodrat battle of the brains:


“N word, Get your money up youngin? Bro, you just stole a necklace from Sears at the Auburn Mall because you had no money to get up. But yea, you’re definitely in a position to call other wangstas poor.

It got better…..


“On dogs.” Is Jeremy reading the 2005 urban dictionary? What kind of failed G Funk still says “on dogs?” Come on dude, even Turtleboy knows that word is not up to date. But yea, the fact that most white people born after 1997 don’t see anything wrong with casually tossing the “n” word up on social media is a phenomenon like none other.


Sweet baby Jesus. He just called Douglas, “D Town.” That’s amazing.

And this was ironic:


Jeremy Brule, who says the “n” word like it’s going out of business, just accused one of former homies of pretending to be black. You can’t make this stuff up. Also, not sure if Nick Deschene’s keyboard is broken, or if he’s trying to pretend he’s in some sort of gang (I think one of those groups doesn’t like to use the letter “c”, might be the Bloods), but he’s a real gem nonetheless. He also graduated from attended Douglas High School:


As you can see, he’s the one on graduation day who WASN’T wearing a graduation robe:


And he might seem like a sheltered white boy from Douglas:


But don’t be fooled. He’s a stone faced killer:



And of course, guess what his favorite hat of choice is?


A flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat. Because that’s the first thing you have to purchase when you make the decision to be such a hoodrat that you become Turtleboy famous.

Oh, and I’m pretty sure his lady:


Was the ratchet who decided it would be a good idea to film her white trash friends and family getting their ass kicked by the Webster Police.

All-Star Webster Hoodrats Attack Webster Cops, Get Their Asses Beat, Write Historically Moronic Things On Facebook

That’s her, right?



Anyway, sorry if it seems like we’re picking on Webster. We really have nothing against the place. But your town keeps giving us stuff to write about.


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18 Comment(s)
  • Sloppy
    January 11, 2017 at 1:06 am

    What’s the matter with crappy little towns in central Massachusetts?
    Isn’t Douglas (AKA D-town nigga!) a quaint little village with a church in the middle of it and not much else? Why do these white townies from the places surrounding Worcester think they’re straight outta Compton?
    Here in western Mass., we have a bunch of little towns, too. But the townies there are pretty much a bunch of rednecks. As they should be, I suppose.
    I don’t get it.
    The other thing I don’t get is $3,000 necklaces from Sears. That’s a lot of money for a necklace, must be embarrassing when you get it for a gift for the missus and she seeds to get the clasp repaired or whatever, and you have to tell her “yeah, just take it back to Sears. The jewelry counter is downstairs by the weed whacker aisle.”

    • Sloppy
      January 11, 2017 at 1:08 am

      *needs* to get the clasp repaired, not ‘seeds’
      Need an edit button for the fat-fingered like myself, TB

  • Mistressveila
    January 11, 2017 at 1:02 am

    Wanted to just affirm, any of the bullshit,on his Facebook pages etc,totally all made up, as apparently,he’s none of anything on his Facebook page..he was a sad disheveled idiot
    As I said in my previous comment and then re-reading the laughable “story” about this looser,
    He’s a 2o year old Auburn HS senior that lives with mummy and daddy in auburn…..he’s no gangsta from websta,he’s a pitiful idiot from auburn.. it was so sad, yet so funny, I could hardly contain myself….
    Oh and the idiot that tried to drag an atm out of gorrettis last week….the chain hitched to his bumper and around the atm…sigh…both released on personal recognisanse……. you can’t make this shit up!!

  • Mistressveila
    January 11, 2017 at 12:38 am

    Just so happened to be in courtroom 14 yesterday when this idiot came up to have his day in court…ok so,besides being an idiot, he snatched the necklace so, drum roll…he could buy some weed, yes weed…. he’s also a 20 year old senior at auburn HS, who the fuck is,20 and a senior in HS…someone who got left back,alot…
    Where did he think he was going to fence,this lovely piece of jewelry? Oh my,dealer,will take it, ya ,ah, no…. ya,cant pawn the thing,either..
    so he,got his day in court with a new date to re appear ,released on his personal recognisanse
    Etc etc…
    The jewelry stores insurance will cover the necklace, and the world grinds on….

  • Wabbitt
    January 10, 2017 at 5:57 pm

    That Facebook exchange was the whitest thing I’ve ever seen.

    Just… oh so very Webster.

  • MrSmiley
    January 10, 2017 at 2:03 pm

    White people talking to white people about white people so where does n***a fit in?? Sshhhiitbaags get a pass on saying it because the gangs need dumb white kids to do their dirt these days.

  • RIF
    January 10, 2017 at 1:18 am

    Stolen from Kay’s, attempted escape via Sears.

  • Inbred or Mutation
    January 9, 2017 at 11:30 pm

    The arm ink, looks like some type of medical symbol. Is he a M.D. ? Also, have to love the giant Chinese made, but labeled Swiss Invicta watch. That’s always a instant give-a-way for profiling.

  • Rutland Rider
    January 9, 2017 at 9:40 pm

    Yup. They ALL gots money….ALL gots ice…ALL gots True Religion jeans…ALL gots Nike Hyperdunks…ALL gots baby mamas….ALL gots EBT cards….and no job.


    • Adam
      January 9, 2017 at 10:23 pm

      It makes me so mad. You’re point is perfect dead on. If the only thing Trump pulls off is gutting and cleaning this system up I will consider him a huge success. It’s mind boggling the amount of $$$$$ is poured into this system and given to people who dont need it and obtain it fraudulently. It will put more in the pockets of people who deserve it and maybe a little less out of our pockets. The whole thing needs to get torn up audited, everyone starts over minus the elderly. You have to “requalify” for any current benefits and use harsher standards for new benefits. Not everyone will go work but many will in turn helping the economy. It has to stop, I work everyday and see a lot of my earned $$$ go elsewhere. Now I don’t mind pitching in, I get it we need $$ for things people need help but coooooome on this ebt welfare food stamp disabilty shit is out of hand.

      • Rutland Rider
        January 10, 2017 at 5:20 am

        Amen, Adam. The only problem with auditing and reapplying for benefits is that they WILL QUALIFY because when you don’t work, you don’t have money (on paper.) Anyone who receives public assistance (and there are some that NEED it,) should have to perform some type of community service to help out. Paint, clean, mow, shovel…whatever. Elderly who HAVE WORKED, excluded. Elderly who HAVE NOT worked, volunteer doing something they are able to do. Make America Great Again.

  • Turd Burglestein
    January 9, 2017 at 9:14 pm

    Great article. I bet his shits sink to the bottom of the bowl.

  • whatevuh
    January 9, 2017 at 7:54 pm

    This little shitbag will never amount to anything . . . his life will be spent in the gutter

  • Mr Butthurt
    January 9, 2017 at 3:37 pm

    Would not hit the GF

    • Sam I Am
      January 9, 2017 at 3:43 pm

      Would you could you, with a car?

    • Sasha The Fire Gypsy
      January 9, 2017 at 6:14 pm

      You damn right you wouldn’t hit that GF. And I better not catch you looking at other women either. You’re my piece of ass now and you make nobody’s butt hurt except mine. Now get your bitch ass into the kitchen and make me a pot pie.

      • Mr Butthurt
        January 9, 2017 at 10:20 pm

        After that night on the table of terror I am yours forever Sasha. Would you like Chicken or Turkey Pie?

  • Paul Larson
    January 9, 2017 at 3:24 pm

    Bad news people… Today, while returning from my morning tequila therapy at the VFW hall, I noticed a cloud was following me… Not just following me, but REALLY following me. I turned left, it turned left… I turned right, it turned right. The wind blew west to east, but it didn’t matter. That “cloud” went whatever way I did. When I got how, I saw metal glint through the cloud when the sun hit it just right. It was a black ops agency following me. When I was in the ‘Nam, with my intergalactic planetary secret clearances (higher than Hillary) and was told everyday that I would go to space jail if I leaked secrets, I had a microchip, the size of a grain of rice, implanted in my broken back. Then, the Air Force dickheads started using the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program (HAARP) to control my mind. I tried wrapping my head with aluminum foil, but that just gives me shocks through the plate in my head. (I had it swapped out for high density plastic composite material a few years ago… thinner, but strong. Lynch could club me in the gourd and I would keep on punchin’!) But the chip is in my back… I tried wrapping myself in those space blankets, but I think that just causes HAARP to misfire and gives Japan earthquakes. Master Goya, the monk that taught me the ways of adobo, told me all about the earthquakes. They make me do silly little things… Today, they made me shit myself. Bastards push a button and my poor wife is cleaning nutty sharts out of my under britches all afternoon. This fucking cloud is spying on me… trying to steal my rosewood pen. Today is Jello day. He better not fuck up Jello day. I think it’s lemon. Better not be lime. Lime jello is the worst. Monkeys tell me to watch out for the clouds. That’s why the kicked me out of Southwick’s Wild Animal Farm in the little town of Mendon. They warn me, so I reward them with porn magazines and Polaroids of my wife using a shower head to pleasure herself. (My penis hasn’t worked since 1986… Luckily Leroy comes over 2-3 times a week and takes care of her snizz while I hold a towel at the foot of the bed.) This fucking cloud. It’s right outside my window. YOU CAN”T HAVE MY ROSEWOOD PEN BASTARDS!! Uh, oh, pooped um again. Air Force assholes pushed the button. Gotta get cleaned up before Leroy arrives or I have to wear the latex again. I hate the latex.

    Paul Larson

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