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  • Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Sweet 16: Fupasloth Region – Vote For Which Ratchets Should Advance To The Elite 8



    Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Sweet 16: Fupasloth Region – Vote For Which Ratchets Should Advance To The Elite 8

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    Turtleboy Ratchet Madness is down to the Sweet 16. We’ll be doing one region a day, and on Friday night we will be able to announce which ratchets have made the Final 4. Here’s what the bracket looks like:

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    Today we’ll be voting on who should advance in the Fupasloth Region, in our two featured matchups there. As usual we will be including links to relevant blogs on each ratchet so you can have something to reference, as well as a tale of the tape which will allow you to make an informed decision. With that said, here are our two matchups today:

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    8. Trigglypuff vs. 4. Erika Murray 

    Case for Erika Murray:

    • allowed her home to become a biohazard trash house
    • murdered a couple of her children and kept the bodies inside
    • killed dogs and kept the remains in the house
    • pretended to be leading a normal, productive life as a loving, caring, and slightly judgemental house Mom in Blackstone on the Facebook machine

    Case against Erika Murray:

    • more than likely mentally insane, while most ratchets are usually properly functioning individuals who choose to be vile human beings

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    Erika Murray

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    Case for Trigglypuff:

    • Yells “fuck you,” “get the fuck out of here,” and “keep your hate speech off of this campus” at panel speakers she doesn’t agree with at a University she doesn’t attend
    • Has tinder bio where she describes herself as “fat and perfect” and “really likes sex”
    • Doesn’t even attend Hampshire College, but squats there rent free
    • Holds seminars about how encouraging healthy lifestyles is “oppressive fat shaming”

    Case against Trigglypuff:

    • Really more of a social justice warrior with ratchet-like tendencies

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    11. Amanda Lacroix vs. 2. Joe Amoroso

    Case for Amanda Lacroix:

    • Starts GoFundMe’s for degenerate sperm donor to fix his car despite being on SSI
    • Brags on Facebook about how the “dumbass cops” who were “all up in her house” didn’t know she had a warrant out for her arrest
    • Had boyfriend fake her own Facebook death for her in order to get revenge on Turtleboy
    • Found responsible for neglect by DCF after her baby died under her care
    • Had other kids taken by DCF after they were found covered in feces and wandering the streets while she was getting high

    Case against Amanda Lacroix:

    • Has a “disease”

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    Case for Joe Amoroso:

    • Claims to have conceived Bella Bond in a tent at Occupy Wall Street with hooker mother, but offers no proof
    • Abandoned his daughter to “find himself” in Florida for years
    • Was arrested in Florida several times while making no attempt to meet daughter who was living with crackhead mother and psychopath baby-killing junkie fuck buddy
    • Changed daughter’s name on headstone to his last name despite never meeting her or attempting to be a part of her life
    • Milked the loving Dad part for the Boston Globe and other media outlets
    • Arrested several times afterwards for shoplifting and tried to get out of it by playing the “I’m Bella Bond’s celebrity Dad” card

    Case against Joe Amoroso:

    • Has a “disease”

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    Tough ones. I know who I’m voting for. Who do you like coming out of this region? We’ll announce tomorrow which two advance to the Elite 8 of Turtleboy Ratchet Madness.

     

     

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    Discussion

    1. Margaret Melican


      Can I write in Dan Margolis?

      1. Tired of Don't Snitch Pussies


        Realist would do that for you.

        He’s a little confused.

    2. Paul Larson


      I vote for and wholeheartedly endorse, TrigglyPuff!! I can tell, just by looking at her, she’s never won anything other than a participation trophy. A win, in such a prestigious contest, may be just what she needs to attain self esteem and turn her whole life around. Besides, she has helped me immensely in my endeavor to retain semen. Any impure thought comes to mind, TrigglyPuff… And all arousal ceases. I am a winner. Here is a letter and a rosewood engraved pen I found:

      Worcester Telegram & Gazette

      Dear Mr. Larson,

      July 2, 2012

      Congratulations.

      Your letter to The People’s Forum has been selected as the Letter of the Week.
      Your engraved rosewood Telegram & Gazette Letter of the Week pen is enclosed. We hope you enjoy it.

      Regards,
      Chris Sinacola
      Editor of the Editorial Pages

      Of course now the T&G is just an apologist for the undemocratic Democratic Party!

      Paul Larson

      1. Benjamin Dover


        Paul…I thought you would use this opportunity to write an essay about how trigglypuff is a communist fascist or something.

        1. Paul Larson


          Well, TrigglyPuff is a fan of Woodrow Wilson (progressive democrat and all around B-hole). Mussolini was impressed. And, Stalin kissed Hitler’s corpse on the lips and left nipple. But, she is an excellent planner (she had 17 pounds of snacks in various locations on her person at ‘The Triggering’) without any thought of sharing. She’s a capitalist at heart. She will eventually see the error of her ways before an e-cig battery bursts, burns her, and she pops like a bloated tick. It has been foretold by Sang Chou, 234 year old monk in the ChingChong province.

          Paul Larson

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