All-Star Criminals

Putnam Diesel-Fueled Dumpster Fire, With Golden Facebook Page, Takes Off On Police – She’s So Well-Known They Just Call Her Up To Turn Herself In, But She Forgot To Take The Heroin Out Of Her Purse Before Meeting Them At McDicks

Oh man. We’ve got another Track Mark Betty out of the Connecticut corridor. This one is a doozy.
y Getting Drunk On Cinco De Mayor And Tweeting Jokes About Trump

4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

Get the newest Turtleboy Sports t-shirt (as seen on the Felger and Mazz show) by clicking the picture above.

Get the newest Turtleboy Sports t-shirt (as seen on the Felger and Mazz show) by clicking the picture above.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.







This has to be one of the more amusing announcements I’ve seen from Connecticut. Constant entertainment down there. Lemme tell ya…

So let me get this straight, Lynn has become so well known at this point that the officers just call her up on her cell instead of chasing her? That’s gold.

“Sup bae, this be the police. We’re gonna need you to meet us at our spot.”

“Aight Fam, I didn’t mean to do y’all dirty, but i’ll only come if you buying me an M&M McFlurry.”

“I gotchoo.”

-She gets so excited about the idea of a free McFlurry that she speeds off and forgets the drugs in her purse.-

What’s even better is that Homegirl agreed to meet them at McDicks and had forgotten to take the bags of black tar out of her purse. I know the last time I got a McBooty call from the PO-PO I dumped my Ronald McDiesels and replaced them with honey mustard for my delicious McNuggets. Girl gotta be prepared, y’all.

(I don’t really think the police were after her for a booty call. I was using my artistic license for a giggle. Creatively paraphrasing, if you will.) 

So, someone sent this to us with a note saying that her Facebook was straight gold and oh my dear Jesus were they right.

This chick also has three pages of google results for being pulled over for heroin. I posted the top few. It’s pretty bad when random folk on the internet respond like this every time you get arrested:

I’m amazed we haven’t heard of her before now.

When she’s not taking lazy-eyed/wonky brow selfies, she’s showing off her weird boobs and boxing jowls. Everything she posts screams backpage.

I’m guessing she doesn’t shoot yo with her selfie arm.

Are the fake eyebrows the cause of the crazy eyes? We may never know.

She also enjoys broadcasting every aspect of her personal business on there. Like, her kids being taken away because she was shooting up in front of them. How her brother and sister in-law have custody of them. Instead of seeing that the guardians are doing their best to give the kids some stability, Lynn makes herself the victim.

Let’s take a walk through the Facebook forest of Junkie Lynn, shall we?


*ditto, you ratchets. Dido is that bitch that did that track with Eminem a while back.


There is nothing more strict than an ex-junkie and Megan here will prove that. She throws in her hair tox-screen knowledge like that’s a normal thing.

But Lynn is so concerned with her kids and yet she finds that buying puppies and make-up are more important than paying child support for them.

Let’s continue shall we?

It seems to me that the people taking care of these kids have their head on straight. They don’t want Lynn, or her ratchet druggie-sympathizing momma, near the impressionable young girls. It’s a smart move. Instead of seeing that, Lynn just plays the pity train for Facebook, writing passive aggressive letters to her kid.

However, it’s pretty clear that she hasn’t cleaned up.

I’m always talking about kicking methadone on my Facebook page. Always.

You’re kidding me right? All of you crack muppets say you’re sober, bitch about DCF, talk about the clinic, and post cute things like “shoot your local drug dealer.” You could be doped-out cookie cutters. No one is buying it. That’s probably why the cops have you on speed dial.

P.s. Before I finish up I would like to touch on one quick point. Since when did the meaning of Karma become some talking point for ghetto revenge? That’s not how Karma works you fucking dumpster fires. You won’t see your revenge in this life. You don’t get to watch it come full-frickan-circle. Citing Karma in your ghetto Facebook posts is almost becoming the new Bulls hat and dog filter. Knock it off. 





We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.

Screen Shot 2017-02-01 at 10.32.58 AM

Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM

unnamed (8)

Screen Shot 2017-02-27 at 10.14.48 AM

Screen Shot 2017-03-31 at 2.17.19 PM


4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

Screen Shot 2015-12-28 at 1.20.12 PM

Screen Shot 2017-03-25 at 8.48.23 PM

20 Comment(s)
  • Lol
    September 18, 2021 at 8:32 pm

    I feel bad for the day when your kids are old enough to google you

  • LYNN
    February 14, 2018 at 6:28 pm

    Haha you guys are pathetic.. NEVER DID drugs in front of my kids EVER. They always had what the needed never ever did they eat of a floor wtf you guys just make shit up. And the one that has my youngest lost her own kids because she’s a fucking drug addict. Tells you how the system works but she knows all to well about that. Instead of talking about me An my addiction why don’t you both talk about yours ? How about that. And this site whoever made it sounds like a female who has no life and I bet I know who made this haha yes I’m an addict and yes ive tried to get sober a lot of times I’ve succeeded for months some addicts do have some sober time in between just saying

  • Dirty Sanchez!
    May 8, 2017 at 11:03 am

    No need to say anymore!

  • Monutest monumetric
    May 8, 2017 at 2:47 am

    Yeah, all of this is kind of funny. However, we are all reading the downward spiral of someones life.

    I was laughing until I saw that this person has kids which made me feel really depressed knowing that they are likely going to be raised without a mother.

    It sucks too because I want to inbox some of the parents that I see on this site and convince them to kick the habit for their fucking kids but I don’t want to look like a creep. I pray to whatever fucking god is out there that this woman gets her shit together for her kids.

    Lynn, if you ever read this comment I want you to sit down and look through all of the photos of your family and get some god damn help. I want you to picture them growing up and asking where their mother is all of their only to find out how you died of an OD when they’re old enough to handle the truth.

    • Lola
      May 8, 2017 at 7:44 am

      I don’t think you feel any different than the rest of us readers. If you have anyone in your life, like I do, who struggles with substance abuse, however, then you’d know that simply trying to convince someone to kick their habit, as you mention that you’d like to do, is not going to work. I have spent YEARS trying to convince my son to part ways with the devil he befriended. I finally had to use some tough love and remove him from my home. Now all I can do is hope that he finds the strength to change himself. I am not sure that he’s found his rock bottom yet. Rock bottom…that is when most addicts find their new path in life. Until then, the pleadings of neither loved ones nor a compassionate stranger on FB such as yourself will make any kind of difference. All we can do is pray and hope and love from afar.

    • The awful sister in-law
      May 8, 2017 at 11:12 am

      Sister in law here that has raised her oldest daughter for the past 4 years…. bent over backwards trying to get her help and she just takes full advantage of all of it burns every bridge and completely drains you till you have nothing left to give. She doesn’t give a shit about her kids besides the fact that they are “hers” like they’re property or something. No regard what she has done to these kids emotionally.

      • The other terrible gaurdian
        May 8, 2017 at 12:12 pm

        And with me being the guardian of her other daughter, I couldn’t agree more

        • itsjustme
          May 8, 2017 at 9:02 pm

          To the awful sister-in-law and the other guardian, which one of you is the one her mom calls a “bitch”? Do you know each other other and let the girls see each other? It’s awesome that you have them instead of letting them go to the state, apparently she does understand that?

          • Other gaurdian whom has had other child FOUR YEARS also
            May 11, 2017 at 6:35 am

            Yes we know each other-yes the girls get together, and as far as whom is a bitch, the ONLY bitch we know is the one whose gonna be someones bitch behind bars- lol.

        • The deadbeat mother
          December 20, 2020 at 8:47 pm

          Girl please you don’t want to even go there because I could blast you an what you do over fb. You should really think about deleting your lying ass comments hypocrite. And when I went to court what I found out was the two that had my girls lied made up lies to get them i didn’t lose them to drugs i gave them to family because we were homeless because my bf at the time got us evicted all i needed was them to have a place to lay their head at night. They made up a lie saying my daughter got raped in front of me when that never happened and doctors proved that they were lying. After they threatened me saying I won’t ever see my girls again if I even open my mouth about the hypocrites addiction or try getting her back by saying the truth. I’ve been sober for 4 years now. My past will haunt me for the rest of my life and be used against me no matter what. Everyone has skeletons in their closets. But I started using when I wanted to die and I succeeded in doing. I looked 400 pounds when I was only 130 thats how I knew the doctor wasn’t lying I actually died. It was peaceful and I was mad I came back. I went straight for dope never tried it in my life but it was easy to get and I looked up the directions which its on YouTube. All I had to do was mix it with something else. I didn’t tell anyone. I was nothing without them. The betrayal of family. Four years later having a son which btw the one that has my middle child has called dcf on me 8 times since he was born she’s been red flagged. I’ve proved myself so many times its sickening. And the ones running their mouth about me have way more Skelton in their closest. One is Mary who is addicted to fentanyl who has my child. She got kicked off her pain meds that she has been on for 25 years for dirty urine for fentanyl. She’s on methadone now still gets dirties. She jumped out of a vehicle pretended to fall at work sued an got a settlement an pain meds she had no broken bones
          All for crack. I’ve never done drugs in front of my kid the girl who sent this to turtle boy shoots up in front of her kids which is why she doesn’t have two of them. My addiction started the day my family took my life away. I don’t know what family means anymore and I’ve never seen so many lies and my eye brows were ugly as heck. Lmao but turtle boy can you please take this down its old and haunts me. My bf family looks me up an sees turtle on and me. Employers

      • Someone who knows
        May 24, 2017 at 1:24 pm

        As someone who personally witnessed her shit you are doing the best thing for her daughter she would not take care of her she would be up all night till 1 or 2 in the morning and eating off the floor doing drugs in front of her having awful people at the house with her there. She was never a mother ever.

  • Truth
    May 7, 2017 at 11:31 pm

    Spider girl be looking real fucking beat….Like missed a shower or ten. The only person paying for that shit is some toothless fuck on methadone mile.

  • itsjustme
    May 7, 2017 at 11:29 pm

    I would be mortified if i had committed so many crimes that the police could recognize me by a description of my vehicle or just by seeing me in public and I sure as hell wouldn’t be posting it all over fb, not even just for my friends to read, let alone make it public.
    I’ve read about this happening many times, on news articles or police logs, “officer Smith saw Ratchet Doe drive by and knew they had a suspended license. Officer Jones saw City Cumdumbster as a passenger in Methface Cornrows vehicle and knew she had outstanding warrants. Officer Mills saw Frequent DCF clients 1 and 2 together and knows they have an active keep away order. Officer Cole sees Didnt do Nuffin and knows he’s wanted in questioning in the latest string of burglaries, but knows he will swear, like always, he was just chillin with his homeboys at his crib, during every burglary.” Every time I find it mind boggling this can really happen, and yet I read about it over and over.

    • Sterling Turtle Rider
      May 8, 2017 at 12:31 am

      Those character names are great – you should write a Turtleboy-inspired crime novel with those folks in it – it would sell like hotcakes!

  • suckmyd
    May 7, 2017 at 10:05 pm

    for all the typing these retards do how come they can’t spell simple words?

  • Mr Butthurt
    May 7, 2017 at 8:08 pm

    Probably would give her a pearl necklace.

  • noseface
    May 7, 2017 at 6:17 pm

    I try to be honest…. that being said, I would tongue punch her asshole…..sorry

      May 7, 2017 at 6:37 pm

      Saran wrap that shit bro. If she doesn’t clean her face what’s the balloon knot look like? Yikes, just sayin

  • Irishcurse
    May 7, 2017 at 5:54 pm

    This cum dumpster is wicked smaaaaat

    May 7, 2017 at 5:41 pm

    My mommy has that same pink top, she wore it to my grandma’s funeral. Just gorgeous

Comment on this Post


White Trash Hero Wears T-Shirt With His Mugshot On It From Last Time He Was Arrested At Latest Mugshot Photoshoot
Tsarnaev Sister Threatened Boyfriend’s Ex With A Bomb Because She’s A Muslim Terrorist And A Tsarnaev And This Is What They Do Best
Ladies Night At TBSports: Will Women Read Our Official Rankings Of NFL Teams Blog?