Smiles And Sunshine

Ratchet Madness Round Of 32: Vote For Which 4 Ratchets Should Advance To The Sweet 16 In The Trap Queen Region


Voting in the Chudstuffer Region Round of 32 has been completed and here are the 4 ratchets you’ve voted to advance to the Sweet 16.

Another 11 seed upsets a 3. Guess we underestimated the ratchetness of Failure Swift. And Vanilla Lice, we hardly knew ya. Meanwhile Rian Waters looks unstoppable right now on his quest for the crown. Time to vote in the final bracket – the Trap Queen Region.

As usual, we give you links to blogs on each ratchet along with their ratchet resume so you can cast an informed vote at the end. You have 24 hours to get your vote in.


1. Mike Gaffney vs. 8. Slumdog Chillionaire Mom

1. Milky Mike Gaffney

  • Wasted a year of his life flying back and forth from Texas to Worcester, spent hundreds of thousands of dollars, and literally drove himself insane suing Uncle Turtleboy only to lose without ever going to trial
  • Admitted that Turtleboy makes him fat and cry
  • Demanded to know the identity of Attorney Richard N. Vulva, Gupta Patel, and Desk Girl
  • Forced his mistress to pursue a harassment order against Uncle Turtleboy, only to end with her losing money on court fees
  • Showed up to a court date with his wife and mistress and made them sit together
  • Still believes that Uncle Turtleboy is under investigation by the Worcester Police for witness intimidation
  • Partnered with ratchets such as the Dartmouth Yoga Poon and Rian Waters because he can’t stop thinking about Turtleboy
  • Mailed out pornographic fliers to the entire town of Holden in a failed attempt to smear Uncle Turtleboy and his wife
  • Forced his wife to take pictures of him in the basement doing squats with his massive gut hanging ver his belt
  • Spent hours writing a blog about our page views after he misinterpreted what a number meant on a computer screen
  • Had a deposition in which he was called a loser and a dick on record
  • Claims he will “never ever stop” coming after Turtleboy




8. Slumdog Chillionaire Mom

  • Allows 9 year old son to smoke blunts like a chimney, throw gang signs, yell profanities and broadcast it on various social media platforms
  • Mom is too busy partying with her girls in cheap Lowell motel rooms drinking copious amounts of Henny to watch her crotch fruit
  • Mom appears to be in her mid 30’s and is a grandmother, making her the oldest grandmother in Lowell




4. Bobbin for Boners vs. 12. Fuzzy Grape Felatio Bandits

4. Bobbin for Boners

  • Sabotaged her own candidacy for State Rep by blowing everyone in Rockland who had any sort of political influence
  • Cheated on her husband to begin romantic relationship with morbidly obese Eddie Porkchops
  • When Eddie Porkchops wife found out she got revenge on him and her by getting drunk with the town manager, bringing him back to town hall under the auspices of going to tinkle, and then blowing the him in town hall and telling him she “just wanted some cock”
  • When town administrator suggested he wanted to leave she begged him to stay and blocked him from leaving until her need for cream of mushroom tip soup was satisfied
  • Her cuckholded husband announced that he was running for her vacant seat after she resigned in disgrace
  • Initially pretended to be the victim of sexual assault and claims she was too drunk to remember anything, until the tapes were released showing she was the aggressor
  • Winked at the town administrator during a televised meeting, thinking no one would see, 2 weeks after blowing him


12. Fuzzy Grape Felatio Bandits

  • Got called out on social media for pulling a chew and screw at a Dudley restaurant
  • Were immediately identified by dozens of people because she’s a well known claptrap stripper from Webster
  • He got called out by the daughter he abandoned for stealing her Mom’s food stamp card
  • He was arrested weeks later for beating the shit out of her in Connecticut, to go along with a cabinet full of Google trophies
  • She insisted that she gave me a lap dance at strip club
  • Despite being arrested for beating the shit out of her she still threatened other people that he would assault them when he got out of jail


3. Jackoff Sauce vs. 11. Can’t Touch This Killer

3. Jackoff Sauce

  • Aspiring rapper who fed his underaged girl alcohol, put her on a leash, and forced her to walk around the neighborhood like a dog so he could post it on social media
  • Forced her to have “property of Mack Sauce” written on her ass cheeks
  • Has copious amounts of Google trophies
  • When the police came to investigate him he decided to fight them and end up in jail
  • Ended up going to prison for kiddie porn because he uploaded video of himself banging her onto the Internet
  • Got an additional charge for witness intimidation when he called the victim (his “gf”) from prison



11. Can’t Touch This Killer

  • Killed a father and husband by driving too fast and striking the tow truck driver on the highway
  • Was initially arrested for being drunk behind the wheel, but the charges were later dropped leading to her taunting the family on Facebook by posting “can’t touch this”






2. New Bedford Bukkake Poundcake vs. 7. West Springfield Recovery Mom

2. New Bedford Bukkake Poundcake

  • Took her crotch fruits to the park when she was high out of her mind and passed out in front of the trash can she just tipped over in broad daylight
  • Kids try multiple times to wake her up, but are not successful until the cops arrive
  • Claimed her behavior was normal because “People pass out all the time from the heat”
  • Says she’s a good Mom but often posts at 3 AM on Facebook, looking for someone to party with, but later claimed she was going out to get coffee
  • Went insane by using super long sentagraphs threatening turtle riders who were mocking her public display of debauchery
  • Said she got a lawyer for deformation lawsuit
  • Posted what she believed to be my address, but was really the address of the Turtleboy statue in downtown Worcester
  • Teamed up with former Turtleboy ratchet the Bellingham Porridge Receptacle to take us down after she was blogged about
  • Got pumped and dumped by ex-boyfriend so she celebrated by going to the ocean and throwing all the worthless crap he got for her over the years into the sea, not realizing the amount of trash this created


7. West Springfield Recovery Mom

  • Has 4 crotch fruits that she uses as bait to guilt people into donating to her
  • Made up story about one of her deadbeat baby daddies who took out a $9,000 loan, cashed it, put it in a backpack, and then the latest guy she was banging/in love with stole the backpack and she never saw him again
  • Also started a separate Facebook fundraising page and urged people to donate to both
  • Share the GoFundMe 5,000 times on Facebook, whining about the lack of donations
  • Also happens to be a recovering junkie who likely was planning on buying more drugs with all donated money
  • Claims she was planning on buying a brand new SUV with $9,000 cash, which is why she needed the GoFundMe
  • Ended up having more presents underneath her tree on Christmas than 99% of the idiots who feel for her story and donated




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6 Comment(s)
    April 19, 2019 at 10:58 am

    • Christopher Lettiere
      April 19, 2019 at 12:18 pm

      Investigate the investigators; drain the swamp!

      While we’re at, investigate the treasonous Ilhan “I Fuck My Brother” Omar.

    April 19, 2019 at 10:31 am

  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    April 19, 2019 at 8:43 am

    Go Team Boners!!

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      April 19, 2019 at 10:28 am

      Bobbin’ all the way!

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