Smiles And Sunshine

2019 Ratchet Madness Play-In Games: Choose Who Will Advance To Play The 1 Seeds

 

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We apologize for the delay in Ratchet Madness. Got a little sidetracked with breaking news and other distractions this week. But it’s time to let the games begin. Today we’ll be voting on which 16 seeded ratchets should advance in the play-in games to face our one seeds. Each ratchet has a link to relevant blogs about them in their name, along with a bulleted list of their ratchet accomplishments. You can vote for who should advance after each pairing.

 

Yarmouth Peroxide Poundcake vs. Candy Dennis

Yarmouth Peroxide Poundcake

  • Left her 3-month-old baby alone in a running vehicle outside a Rhode Island casino for about 90 minutes
  • Instead of laying low she took to Facebook to say, “Fuck what everyone says, go fuck yourselves.”
  • In 2015 she stole fentanyl, an extremely powerful opiate, from an unconscious patient who was receiving the medication through an intravenous line
  • Also has 6 cases in the Barnstable court dating back to 2010
  • Previously claimed on Facebook that the birth of her daughter changed her for the better
  • Baby daddy has had over 60 criminal charges, and was recently tased during a police chase because he had a warrant for stealing fentanyl from a medical facility
  • Claims to have the perfect family, “You’re my king and I’m you’re queen.”

 

 

Candy Dennis

  • Ran the most dysfunctional business in the history of mankind out of Beverly, which shut down just weeks after she was exposed on Turtleboy
  • Pretended to have a life threatening illness in order to raise money to go on extravagant trips to Disney World, New York and other places
  • Used her company’s business page to promote the GoFundMe scam
  • Once messaged a child whose parents left her dance studio at 3 in the morning to inform her that she could no longer play with her daughter
  • Practices massage out of her dance studio without property licensing
  • Pretended to be a dancing star who worked on Dancing with the Stars to attract clients
  • Pretended to have a scholarship program for students, but it was really just a slight discount on classes at her dance studio
  • Claimed to give out dozens of scholarships but couldn’t name anyone who got one
  • Threatened to sue Turtleboy Sports for deformation but never did
  • Believed her business would thrive because her medium told her it would

 

 

 

Dante Comparetto vs. Meg Bitton

Dante Comparetto

  • Recovering junkie and high school dropout who promoted radical sex ed curriculum to children because he thought he had AIDS in high school
  • Wrote a racist note to himself (even though he’s white) and blamed it on Turtleboy
  • Encouraged children to walk out of school to protest a democratic election
  • Had to campaign on his bike because he’s been arrested for driving without a license
  • Sex curriculum he proposed in the schools would teach 11 year olds to hide condoms in each other’s orifaces and find them as part of foreplay ritual. Also would teach children how to cup each other’s balls during handjobs
  • Yelled at the Mayor several times in insane School Committee video, telling him, “you’re out of order”
  • Urged supporters to protest teachers for “crazy amounts of racism” after being endorsed by the teacher’s union

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Meg Bitton

  • Profits off of the sexualization of small children
  • Forces kids as young as 9 to pose for pictures in their underwear, dressed as prostitutes, smoking cigarettes, and pretending to blow lines of cocaine
  • Posted bizarre explanation for kiddie porn by saying that she wanted to say “fuck you” to anyone who thought this was abnormal

 

 

 

 

Toast Malone vs. Wigtacular West Warwick Maggots

Toast Malone

  • Stole a tag off of a police car in Connecticut, posted it on Facebook with #Fuck12 hashtag, and proceeded to get roasted by a well known comedian cop on Facebook who named him Toast Malone
  • Ratchet girlfriend called the cop a “retarded fucking cop” in Facebook post that made him look more ratchet
  • Mocked murdered police officer on Facebook post
  • Whined about cop who roasted him being unprofessional
  • Once killed 7 cats

 

 

Wigtacular West Warwick Maggots

  • Stole a woman’s cat from Cumberland Farms
  • Drove around livestreaming the event before ultimately throwing it out of the vehicle
  • Despite being white all members of the vehicle use the n word more than all rappers combined, along with copious amounts of 100 emojis and dog filters

 

 

Charlestown Parade Hardos vs. Taunton Tonsil Ticklers

Charlestown Parade Hardos

  • Ruined the Patriots parade by becoming involved in vicious brawl in front of children
  • One member was named Shane
  • Embody every stereotype of douchey Charlestown bros
  • Previous Google trophies for selling OC’s while riding dirty with a BB gun
  • Came on Turtleboy, threatened to fight me, alleged to be 4th toughest guy in Charlestown

 

Taunton Tonsil Ticklers

  • Got a goat in Taunton high on marijuana after kidnapping it from local farm
  • Posted police press release about the warrant out of their arrest on Facebook stating “free our back”
  • Claimed that “if you were their you wouldn’t have said anything’s, facts.”
  • Claims it was fucked up for people to share the video, despite posting it on social media themselves
  • Claims the goat wasn’t scared and was “calm as fuck” while they were blowing smoke in its face
  • Famously said, “All I see on Facebook is niggas smoking with animals, now that I smoke with a fucking goat everyone care” in one of the great Turtleboy quotes of all time

 

You have 24 hours to vote.

 

 

 

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12 Comment(s)
  • Lou Skunt
    April 4, 2019 at 6:49 pm

    At the height of Candy Dennis’s tb fame i was sickened by her looks. Today, i think i would definitely dump a load in her. Literally. Make those big chompers all choclatey! I still voted for the poundcake

  • Rockets Redglare
    April 4, 2019 at 10:02 am

    I still don’t understand how “Strokey Sullivan” didn’t make the cut. An elderly guy sitting in his car jacking off looking at young girls?

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      April 4, 2019 at 1:37 pm

      Don’t know yet. He may have gotten an automatic bid for winning his conference.

  • Turtz McGurtz
    April 4, 2019 at 9:47 am

    i don’t see where it is that you vote?? But i’d go Candy, Warwick, Taunton kids, & weirdo Meg. If there was a ratchet madness for cities and towns Warwick & Taunton are in my final four.

  • Bankster
    April 4, 2019 at 9:45 am

    If you do anything involving animals or children, you got my vote

  • Batman
    April 4, 2019 at 7:54 am

    Gotta say the head to head with Dante the dickhead and meg child pornographer Britton was a tough call. You shoulda split those two up, they both should move on to the tournament. Chose Dante for his attempt to destroy the Worcester public schools. It was a difficult decision.

    • Y
      April 4, 2019 at 9:15 am

      Agreed

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      April 4, 2019 at 1:32 pm

      Yup.

  • Fat Mike
    April 4, 2019 at 7:10 am

    Where’s the printable bracket at?

  • Toast Malone
    April 4, 2019 at 1:53 am

    Is a cunt.

  • Wwy
    April 4, 2019 at 1:00 am

    Chesna and genduso good match,chesna the anti-semite will lose that one.

  • Beto o’clamahan.
    April 3, 2019 at 11:15 pm

    Slainte putos. I’m a full blown Mexican American! Randall is a white man who is in charge of the KKK.

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