Hoodrat Heroes

Meet Carlos Felix, The Camera Phone Queefweed Behind New Bedford Live, Who Landed Himself On The Turtleboy Shit List – Part One

We enounter some crazy people in this business but this one is right up there with Kevin Lynch.

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I always give you guys a warning when I’m about to go long. I usually say grab a beer while I take you through a twirling tale of turtle insanity. In this case, and it being Friday, grab a six pack.

I’m going to just come out and admit that I’m fucking annoyed.

I just can’t tell who I’m more annoyed at – the dude this blog is about – or myself for not calling him out a long time ago. Every once in a while, something pops up, and I need to hold myself accountable. Basically, I’m not going to blow smoke up your butts because I’m pissed.

That being said, here is why I have a hair across my ass.

Regardless of where you’re from, if you’re a Turtlerider, you’re familiar with the work of Carlos Felix. He’s the guy who runs New Bedford Live. The same NBL which has brought us such great blog leads as the Foodstamppopotamai trilogy:

Rare Breed Of Pajama Clad Foodstampotamus Spotted In New Bedford Yelling “Free My Son N Word” As Career Criminal Gets Arrested For Selling Drugs With Toy Guns



Clyde, the wheelchair-bound hobo, getting the grossest daytime blow job from a druggy skank the world has ever seen:


Homeless Crackhead In Wheelchair, Getting A Blowie On New Bedford’s Busiest Street, Is Distaught When The Sloppy Hooker Spots The Camera And Leaves



The jaded girlfriend vs the druggy hooker who gave her bae a blowie tumbleweave fight:


Homeless Crackhead In Wheelchair, Getting A Blowie On New Bedford’s Busiest Street, Is Distaught When The Sloppy Hooker Spots The Camera And Leaves


Now is a great time to catch up as of these blogs were some of the most fun I’ve ever had writing. They wielded some of the best commentary from you guys. These were the hottest of takes, if you will.

We’re honest with what we do here at TBS. We don’t pretend to have any other motives other than calling out scumbags and giving you a refreshingly honest perspective on the news. We aren’t pretending to save the day. So, when Carlos started sending us these crazy videos I was pretty stoked.

All of my excitement changed when Carlos went publicly crazy last week. That comes later…

Carlos drives around New Bedford all day, listening to the police scanner, smoking weed, and shooting video of what is happening on the streets. He’s like an ambulance chaser supreme. The videos he takes allows you to watch the ghetto live from the comfort of your living room.


He considers himself a self-proclaimed community activist. I think that title is a bit odd, even for him, as he exploits the community he says he is trying to help. That’s what I meant a few graphs up about not embellishing ourselves as Turtles.



Sure, Carlos has kind of a weird hobby and I have no clue how he makes money from it. He claims to be on SSI because of a disability. Who the fuck am I to talk? I create words like Fupasloth, Guttermuppet, and Trash Fraggle to make you all laugh and keep my kids fed. Only God can judge, right? 💯

Carlos made it very publicly known he was one of my most eager sources and that was cool. He liked the publicity and we enjoyed his trashy videos. I even ignored the messages about him when he was hypocritically trash-talking us in defense of that benzo-popping Xanny Goblin. You remember her? The one who tried to sell her DCF-working pal out to me and I bagged her in a bunch of lies. The same chick who GFM for a tattoo while we had photos of her passed out from heroin?

New Bedford Xanax Goblin, Starts $2k GoFundMe For Tats,  Claims Police Are “Rasist,” and Tried To Use Turtleboy For Weaponized Ratchet Revenge – Gets Her Own Blog For Trying To Play Us

Well, Carlos thought we were being mean to her. I guess he missed how nicely Desk Girl handed things. 

New Bedford Xanny Goblin Whines To Desk Girl Because Turtleboy Is Causing Her Mental Problems, But After Seeing Pictures Of Her Passed Out On Heroin, We’re Guessing It’s Not Really Our Fault

I turned a blind eye when people sent us in his collection of Google trophies for shoplifting a tool set from the Dartmouth Sears. Even when he ridiculously blamed it on anxiety and a problem with Kleptomania. Or when he was arrested for parking his car in front of City Hall, screaming at police, blocking traffic, and demanding to see the mayor. That between 1992 and 1998 he was arrested for things like robbery, car theft, drug possession.

I still didn’t bother blogging about him when I found out he had faced charges for causing a scene, allegedly threatening some teachers and the principal, at his son’s school.

I even shrugged it off when I heard WBSM, the local AM radio station, had to get restraining order against him. It seems Carlos called in to give his opinion during a live show and was denied being put on air. When they refused him an uninvited voice appearance he sped to the radio station where he tried to force himself on live air to speak. Why? Because how dare someone say no to him.

My point is that the benefits to you guys, our readers, outweighed the burning of this bridge. A dude driving around New Bedford, filming it’s insanity, was too valuable to us than some boring blog hashing over the antics of a random dude no one (outside New Bedford) had ever heard of.

Carlos had such delusions of grandeur he convinced himself to run for political office a handful of times over the years. The offices ranging from State Representative to Councilor-at-Large. He wasn’t remotely qualified for them but, hey, it’s cool to have your name on a yard sign. He was wildly unsuccessful every time.

Carlos, undeterred by failure or his lacking qualifications, decided he, once again, wanted to save the city o’ New Beige. He was going to run for a spot on the ticket for City Councilor – Ward Two. (That’s where all the junkies live.)

Then, like two days before he had to have the mandatory 50 constituent signatures he needed to be added to the primary ballot, Carlos complained online that someone stole them out of his car.

Not his camera. Not his weed. Not his stereo. A stack of papers.

Was this some huge conspiracy to prevent him from gaining the political power he was so thirsty for? Was it because he totally forgot they were required? Who knows. Carlos, who has this insane history  of starting shit and then playing the victim, frantically took to the New Bedford Facebook groups to beg people to help him get new signatures before the deadline. He succeeded. I imagine him driving around in a dramatic panic. He was now a candidate in the primary. Once he got his pity signatures he deleted his post begging for them.

This brings us to earlier last week and why I find myself sitting here writing this. The primary happened Tuesday of last week and Carlos lost. He lost BAD.

Shit happens. Someone losing a primary isn’t really Turtleboy-worthy or anything our readers would give a crap about.

What landed us here, in a rare two-part tale, is HOW Carlos reacted to his loss.

It ain’t pretty.

Here’s a sneak peek:

Believe it or not it gets worse from there. It includes him crossing the yellow police tape during an active homicide investigation live on Facebook the following day.

No more spoilers though! 


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